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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Another moan about my lovely dp...

92 replies

Mascaraohara · 20/09/2006 16:15

Hadn't see him since Thursday morning, he phoned me Sunday (around 1:30) and asked what I was doing.. my reply - nothing right now but will probably take dd for a walk later, the lawn needs mowing though so if you fancy doing that and then spending the rest of the day with us it would be really nice, I'm cooking a roast for 6.. he replies yes that would be great, he'd get up and in the shower. After waiting in for 2 hours whilst staring and the beautful weather I finally call him back (only to wake him up).. Tell him I want to go to the woods do to forget the lawn and I'd do it myself in the evening. Went for a walk. Got back around 4:30 and wanted to get the dinner on, text him to say did he want dinner, reply yes he was in the pub - what time. I reply 6 but it would be nice if he could come in before hand and spend some time with his family as we not seen him since Wednesday...

he turned up at 5:55.

last night I was due to go out at just gone 7:30.. he was due to be in to look after dd, he turned up at 7:30 on the dot because he had to go to the pub. This meant dd got all clingy cos she thought he wasn't coming and so she wanted me to put her to bed.

he is such a pita sometimes... grrr... sometimes I really question our relationship.

OP posts:
Iklboo · 20/09/2006 16:19

Why did he have to go to the pub?

CountessDracula · 20/09/2006 16:24

mascara I remember you saying that he always goes to the pub

Is he an alcoholic do you think?

flashingnose · 20/09/2006 16:27

Oh Mascara, he really is a prize sh*t.

Can you list the reasons why you stay with him? He really doesn't seem to put you top of his list of priorities at any time.

Mascaraohara · 20/09/2006 16:30

5:55 is just taking the piss though isn't it???

he had to see his dad about something... not that he's been working with his dad all day or anything.

I've told him many times he hurts my feelings the way I'm last on the list of priorities but he never changes, I don't know what else to do short of leave him and I don't really want to do that... last time we split up he was in pieces and it was 3 years before we got back together... I missed him for 3 years and I know he felt the same.. I thought he;d changed but no.

grrrr...

just having a rant really.

yes I do think he's an alcoholic but he doesn't.. his mates are single and have nothing better to do all weekend than drink. They have nobody to go home to! I asked him once if he wanted to end up like them cos I weren't gonna stick around putting up with this forever. he knows I won't leave him though.

OP posts:
Mascaraohara · 20/09/2006 16:31

I should add this isn't a one off this is consistant behaviour.. week in, week out.. I'm sorry to be always moaning on here about it.

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 20/09/2006 16:32

Bloody hell

Bin him!

Imagine you could get some nice bloke who wanted to be with YOU and not pissing it up with his mates!

How old is he ffs?

flashingnose · 20/09/2006 16:34

What did you miss about him when you were apart? What are his redeeming features?

Mascaraohara · 20/09/2006 16:35

I should shouldn't I. The thing that's bought it to ahead is the talk of marriage, I'm not sure I can tolorate this forever - I'm not his mum!!!

The problem is he thinks I'm the weird one because his dad does it, his mates do it, his dads mates do it... but it's not what I was bought up to recognise as a good relationship...

...the killer thing was on Sunday as I cooked dinner, I really had a sudden pang of hurt for DD and what she is growing up to see as acceptable.. I don't want her ending up with someone like him.... I feel sad and angry today because I want to be with him so much.

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 20/09/2006 16:37

GET RID OF HIM

My god I hope you are not even considering marrying the twerp!

So what do you get out of this relationship then?

No company
No reliability
Sex, presumably (I will personally buy you a Rabbit so that would be better than some half cut shag I bet

CountessDracula · 20/09/2006 16:37

Could you not just NOT call him

See what happens?

Mascaraohara · 20/09/2006 16:38

Sorry x-posts

I really can't explain it why I missed him but I'll try

he is a lovely person, just completely thoughtless and selfish (not even had a birthday present yet)
he is like the calm to my storm
i used to trust him with my life (the first time round)

When I'm not with him, I want to be with him.. I left him the first time because I wanted to spend more time with him, when we were apart I couldn't get my head around leaving somebody that I loved so much and who obviously loved me but now I find myself thinking it again...

he's 30 btw so old enough to know better I feel.

OP posts:
cod · 20/09/2006 16:38

Message withdrawn

cod · 20/09/2006 16:39

Message withdrawn

Mascaraohara · 20/09/2006 16:39

LOL, my rabbit is broken at the moment actually... he really is in that little!!!

OP posts:
Mascaraohara · 20/09/2006 16:40

oh cod you sound like my dad.

he's so good with dd though (when he's in) honestly it melts my heart sometimes.

OP posts:
flashingnose · 20/09/2006 16:40

Trouble is, lovely people are not "thoughtless and selfish", it's a contradiction in terms.

You and dd deserve a lot better, you know that. Don't settle for a second-rate relationship.

cod · 20/09/2006 16:40

Message withdrawn

Mascaraohara · 20/09/2006 16:42

All I ever do is defend him to people, I know he sounds like a loser and I even call him one to my friends.. but all my friends think he's great because their all out drinking with him all the time.

Oh god, shouldn't have started this thread - I'm ranting and ranting.

so many different issues.

OP posts:
Mascaraohara · 20/09/2006 16:42

they are

OP posts:
cod · 20/09/2006 16:43

Message withdrawn

Mascaraohara · 20/09/2006 16:47

Cod, you have described him so well!!!

Make me see the light.

dd is not his daughter, should that make a difference? I don't think it should he's the one that she is used to having around. He is her father figure. (not a very good one is he)

OP posts:
cod · 20/09/2006 16:49

Message withdrawn

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/09/2006 16:49

mascaraohara,

I wrote this in response to another poster and I write the same to your good self:-

Every time you find yourself making an excuse for his behaviour, trying to justify why he is like he is, I would ask you to turn your attention to yourself and ask yourself why you are so kind to him and yet not to yourself? Put the focus back on your life not on his.

Ask yourself also why you are really with him and be brutally honest with yourself with regards to the answers. It is because you're now with him for the sake of your child or because you are afraid of being on your own?.

You cannot rescue or save him you know. Only he can address his alcoholism problems and it seems he is unwilling or unable to do so. By staying as well you are enabling his behaviour.

What are you teaching your daughter as well by staying in such a relationship?. That it is okay for a man to treat his partner as a live in cook/cleaner/bottle washer whom he also has no respect or love for?.

Mascaraohara · 20/09/2006 16:53

Oh bugger!

you guys are right, I know you are.. it's like avirtual shake by the shoulders.

I was kind of hoping you would all tell me I'm unreasonable. I know you're all right. You are only telling me what I know in my heart, he doesn't love me does he.

He tells me I'm the only one he;s ever truly loved and I honestly believe him but I guess ultimately he is his fathers son and if I'm not prepared to turn into his mum (as he is so rapidly turning into his father) then I guess we are not right for each other.

Just wish it was different. he is a product of his environment I guess.

OP posts:
cod · 20/09/2006 16:55

Message withdrawn