(thank you Cod)
Yes he read the thread, this might get long winded so apologies in advance and thanks for thinking of me!...
Well he'd already promised dd could go up the farm to ride her quad last night, so I suggested instead of going out I'd stay up there and we could walk behind her and talk whilst she was riding that round the fields..
As it happens the battery went flat really quickly so quickly d suggested we all go round the fields on the real quad followed my a number of other suggestions that he knew she'd love but which meant we couldn't talk including going to the house to see his mum, sister, dogs and horses all of which dd loves of course! during which his DS suggest we go out tonight and put him on the spot for babysitting which (of course under the circumstances) he agreed to (making the situation even more difficult)
Anyway, finally got home, got dd to bed and he came round, put dinner on - he actually came into the kitchen instead of watching tv and helped cook - asked what he could do etc and we talked, we actually talked - still initiated by me but predominantly lead by him double
The upshot being he offered to stay in during the week and go out less at the weekends and that he wanted to be with me and loved me and a fair bit of grovelling re. birthday present, me being important to him, him loving dd etc (we have talked in the past about adoption if we got married etc to ensure she stayed with him should anything happen to me)
well I told him that I quite enjoy having some evenings to myself (like to potter round and I am the sort of person that needs space - I struggle with holidays etc when I feel trapped with people) so I suggested that he comes in during the week after work and then if he wants to go out for a beer later in the evenings some nights then that would be good. he thought this would be a good idea and has promised not to drink every night.
he has even offered to babysit some Fridays if I want to go out and then him go out on Saturdays (this was a major shock!) and we both agreed to have Sundays as a family day (which I know I'm going to find difficult) I will reduce this to some Sundays once he's proved himself serious as I have lots I like to do on weekends with dd, see friends with their children etc
it's very much a last ditch effort on both our parts, so I guess the next few weeks are obviously going to be touch and go. He will effectively be changing his whole lifestyle.. what remains to be seen is
a) whether he can cope with that (enjoy it?)
b) whether it makes me happy or whether I will just find fault with something else..
..I am aware it all sounds a bit namby pamby but I feel he is my soul mate and I know he's always felt that way about me, I think we owe it to ourselves to give it one last try to make each other happy.
Last night we cracked open a bottle of wine after our talk and we actually talked and laughed together (I'd forgotten what that was like).
I am hoping that he holds up his end and doesn't slip, I have made it clear there will be no other chance and that if he doesn't do what he says that it will really show that he doesn't love me.
He has sacrificed a lot to be with me this second time round and I do feel that sometimes I just keep asking more and more from him and he keeps giving that isn't fair and I am sure that there'll come a point when he says no, I can't keep doing this.
Oh the other thing was he mentioned I'd seemed distant for the last few months and maybe it was my meds, I pointed out that it was merely that a few months ago I made a conscious decision not to nag him about staying in and banned him coming back to mine Friday/Saturday nights.. he never said anything but I think it made him realise think that is how he knew I cared (because I was nagging him) and now I don't he thinks I don't care iykwim.
no proof reading.. apols if it doesn't make sense.
Thanks for reading and for your input. I love hearing what you guys have to say! I think I'll even strech to a virtual