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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Another moan about my lovely dp...

92 replies

Mascaraohara · 20/09/2006 16:15

Hadn't see him since Thursday morning, he phoned me Sunday (around 1:30) and asked what I was doing.. my reply - nothing right now but will probably take dd for a walk later, the lawn needs mowing though so if you fancy doing that and then spending the rest of the day with us it would be really nice, I'm cooking a roast for 6.. he replies yes that would be great, he'd get up and in the shower. After waiting in for 2 hours whilst staring and the beautful weather I finally call him back (only to wake him up).. Tell him I want to go to the woods do to forget the lawn and I'd do it myself in the evening. Went for a walk. Got back around 4:30 and wanted to get the dinner on, text him to say did he want dinner, reply yes he was in the pub - what time. I reply 6 but it would be nice if he could come in before hand and spend some time with his family as we not seen him since Wednesday...

he turned up at 5:55.

last night I was due to go out at just gone 7:30.. he was due to be in to look after dd, he turned up at 7:30 on the dot because he had to go to the pub. This meant dd got all clingy cos she thought he wasn't coming and so she wanted me to put her to bed.

he is such a pita sometimes... grrr... sometimes I really question our relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mascaraohara · 20/09/2006 22:43

he thinks half the problem is that we don't live together.

OP posts:
ilovecaboose · 20/09/2006 22:48

sorry - misunderstood that bit.

Hoping you come to a conclusion and manage to sort things out.

Original poster
Mascaraohara · 20/09/2006 22:50

Dunno, I've had it I think.. we'll split he'll be the wounded party, I'll be the evil bitch... it's going to be messy!

OP posts:
Beetroot · 21/09/2006 08:52

yes itmust be a problem for him not living with you..I imagine he has to get his own breakfast, make a cup of tea and everything when he is at his home.

Original poster
Mascaraohara · 21/09/2006 09:23

Good lord no!!!!! his mother does all that for him... he does nothing!

OP posts:
ilovecaboose · 21/09/2006 09:24

his mother still does all that

CountessDracula · 21/09/2006 09:27

Does he have ANY moral fibre?

Original poster
Mascaraohara · 21/09/2006 09:33

he can't...

cook
clean
use a washing machine
iron

he pays his mum 20 quid a week and she does everything for him.

His dad is lovely but is drinking and smoking himself to death D doesn't smoke but does (I feel) drink too much - he doesn't think so.

I realised this morning driving to work that I miss laughing, we don't laugh or even talk much anymore.

OP posts:
oliveoil · 21/09/2006 09:40

get rid

he is 30 and can't do any of those things you listed????? fgs

say you want a trial separation and DO NOT CALL HIM FOR A MONTH and plan lots and lots of things to do to keep you busy

print this thread out and leave it on the fridge - has one person said "oh he sounds a right catch"?

NO!

wartywarthog · 21/09/2006 10:23

my god. don't get more embroiled with him, you'll end up taking over his mum's role! i like oo's one month idea.

flashingnose · 21/09/2006 10:27

I was wondering how things had gone .

Look at his Mum - is that how you see yourself in X years' time, both in her role and her relationship? If not, I really would bail out now.

Original poster
Mascaraohara · 21/09/2006 10:32

Thats what I said to him, I don't want to turn into his mum for one I work fulltime so don't feel I can play a devoted housewife role on top... and he won't keep me.

OP posts:
flashingnose · 21/09/2006 10:40

He's seamlessly going from his Mum to you and all he has to do is be charming, make you laugh and be nice to dd. If you are happy with this balance, that's fine and dandy but I really don't think you are, hence your posts on MN.

His behaviour towards you is so disrespectful, it makes me really on your behalf.

Original poster
Mascaraohara · 21/09/2006 11:43

I know.

If he would just volunteer to help we'd be half way there.

Last night he tol me he'd offered to babysit during the week so I can go out... I felt like shouting it's not about me going out seperately from you - it's about the way you flaming well behave towards me!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mascaraohara · 21/09/2006 15:04

I sent him an email with a link to the thread. we are to talk tonight.

I asked him if he thought we were incompatible and he simply said 'no'

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 21/09/2006 15:19

Ah good

Mascara's man, if you are reading this - REAL MEN DON'T BEHAVE LIKE THIS!

Now grow up!

Beetroot · 21/09/2006 15:38

TBBH. I would not let him near my house until he had lived on his own and learnt how to do it. Otherwise he will carry on treating you like his mother

Original poster
Mascaraohara · 21/09/2006 15:42

CD

he will never leave home Beety unless it's to move in with a woman!!! he has his own en-suite, his mother does everything for him, he's really close to his dad, he only has to step out the door and he's at work.. why would he leave!!!!?!?!?!?

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 21/09/2006 15:57

Err, because he might want to stand on his own two feet and have a life instead of being at home tied to his mum's apron strings...

Honestly if I met a man who still lived at home aged 30 I would LOL at him! It just isn't normal!

Original poster
Mascaraohara · 21/09/2006 16:02

It is round our way... they only leave home to marry their cousins!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mascaraohara · 21/09/2006 16:04

probably should clarify that was a joke.

Although his best mate still lives at home

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/09/2006 16:17

"If he would just volunteer to help we'd be half way there"

Mascaraohara,

What's a nice girl like you doing with a user like him?.

In answer to your above comment I am sorry to say this but you would not even be 1/1000th of the way there. It is far more problematic than just this and you know it.

So the ball is in your court?. What are you going to do or become?. His parents have enabled him and you are by definition his enabler because you also allow this to continue.

What on earth do you see in this alcoholic user?. You think you can save him or rescue him don't you?.

Don't think your dd isn't picking up on all this crap because she certainly is. After all we learn about relationships from our parents, when young they are our primary role models. What are you teaching her?.

Original poster
Mascaraohara · 21/09/2006 16:26

Well Attila, for the time being I am teching her what a strong independent woman is.. at the moment what she sees is a mummy who goes out to work everyday to pay the bills, who has no support from her natural father, who devotes every weekend to having fun and spending time with her who also has a boyfriend that spoils her (dd) rotten and loves her to bits, who is very loving towards her mummy (when he's there).. shes 4 so it's not an issue atm but agree entirely that it will be in the future..

OP posts:
Beetroot · 21/09/2006 16:30

'when he's there'

codwiggle · 21/09/2006 16:38

"He is promising to stay in one night a weekend and spend Sundays with us. "

oh great whopee doo
oyu haev to do some sort of a deal
this is boring now mascara ( ina lovely way0 bin him