Husband being a Dick

[sik2deth]

We went out for a meal and he spent the whole evening eyeing up the waitress everytime she walked past (you know - the old head turn, once up. once down, manouvere) x 20.
Once I could understand, but the whole evening?
Has he NO respect for me?
Understandably, we had an argument.
He is now stonewalling me.

I know there will be the usual advice- ''you should not be so jealous and you should be POINTING OUT attractive women to him'' contingent on here.
But, sorry, I am old fashioned.
I think that if youre with you're wife, you shouldnt be eyeing up other women?
Does that make me insecure and old-fashioned?

Even if you weren't a couple and he was out say with friends or work colleagues it is wrong. Think of the poor young woman.

Still hardly talking to me but have had 2 assertive burps. I ended up laughing, because of the new phrase for it. He glared at me.

I think it's his way of saying up yours without actually saying it. Pathetic. I have done what you have said and kept busiest today, so h as 've had a good day.
I'm not going to bring up what hurt me just yet. I think timing will be important.
Thanx for the advise so far.

Honestly, I think you have put up,with this shit for too long and now think it's normal. It's not.

I don't know anyone, not my brothers, my husband, my dad, my friends, my many cousins, who would behave like this it think it was an acceptable way to behave. There are many, many lovely men in the world. You really don't have to put up with this.

Why do you think he is better than you?

FGS why haven't you gone out for the evening to see a friend or something, why are you putting up with it?

Sorry to be bossy but urgh you are worth so much more!

I am glad you are seeing through his nonsense. Good luck op. You deserve better.

I am glad you are seeing through his nonsense. Good luck op. You deserve better.

As a waitress, can I just say that we fucking despise perverts like your husband. We're treated like scum for hours every day and then some pervert comes along for the icing on the cake knowing you can't say anything to defend yourself. The waitress was probably looking at you to try and say 'I'm not encouraging him, please make him stop it'.

It was more than likely a power thing, to intimidate the staff and make you feel like crap.

If that's all you want from your life, fine. Your loss. But instead of analysing him and waiting for the next thing, stop him sexually harassing women in their workplace (or at least dont accompany him).

Oh that burping thing: my friend's preteen used to do that.

Then he grew up.

I used to be a waitress too.
What EvenBetter said

What a childish, pathetic, boorish, uncouth, ill-mannered and irritating little knob he is.

So, he is rude to you in the restaurant 20 times, and he is the one not talking to you? WTAF?

If my DH was a childish, pathetic, boorish, uncouth, ill-mannered and irritating little knob like yours, which he very much isn't btw did that, probably on the second look, I would notice and say 'excuse me but are you looking at someone other than the loved and beautiful wife sitting in front of you?' And he would deny it or apologise and we would get on with our dinner. If he did it again, I would leave after chucking some wine over him

I'd take his silence as an opportunity to have an uninterrupted say in what you think of the matter.

It is nothing to do with you being insecure or any of that bollocks. It is you not wanting to be out with or seen with such a childish, pathetic, boorish, uncouth, ill-mannered and irritating little knob and that is what I would tell him.

And that burping is not assertiveness, it is aggression.

And it is rude.

It is piling on the rudeness, in fact. He is saying I can be as rude to you as I fucking well like, in a restaurant or at home, because when you object, I will tell you that you're insecure and it is all your fault. And then I won't talk to you for as long as it takes until you are trying to win me back because I am a prize, a goddamn gift to womankind.

OP 47 is young. Your ghastly husband is...well..ghastly! How to stop him doing it? Don't be in the same room as him (or the same county/country) that way he may be still doing it but you won't know or care. If my DH did this I would get up and leave on the second or third look. He may or may not have a trouserful of wine too. My DH doesn't do it though or the burping thing. I am a bit at that but can see that it is a perfect way of giving someone the finger without actually giving them the finger. Please see it as him giving you the finger, for that is what he is doing. You said you would formulate a plan. I would be too, in your shoes and it would involve me getting as far from him as possible in the fastest time and very little else. You are a saint for even considering entering a restaurant with him.

Never mind the peerving over young women, this man is fucking bully!

My cousins dickhead partner stonewalls her and can last for weeks, usually when she caught him on the internet messaging other women again. It's a form of abuse.

It's not great your putting some of the blame on the bloody waitresses either and what the hell has middle class go to do with it? He is probably a laughing stock.

I don't have the feeling you will be leaving anytime soon though op, good luck!

OP, you would probably find it very helpful to talk this through with someone with expertise. I wonder if you would ring Women's Aid and have a chat. They are really helpful, and will listen to you. They will also ask you a few questions about your relationship and how you are treated in it, which you may find very enlightening.

Perhaps some counselling (alone, just for you) to raise your self-esteem would be appropriate?