Husband being a Dick

[sik2deth]

We went out for a meal and he spent the whole evening eyeing up the waitress everytime she walked past (you know - the old head turn, once up. once down, manouvere) x 20.
Once I could understand, but the whole evening?
Has he NO respect for me?
Understandably, we had an argument.
He is now stonewalling me.

I know there will be the usual advice- ''you should not be so jealous and you should be POINTING OUT attractive women to him'' contingent on here.
But, sorry, I am old fashioned.
I think that if youre with you're wife, you shouldnt be eyeing up other women?
Does that make me insecure and old-fashioned?

A man looked at me the other week trying to get a glimpse of my breasts. I really really hated it. Made me feel dirty. Maybe console yourself a little with the fact that the woman probably doesn't even like him looking and thinks he is a dickhead.

And make a bloody scene. YOU are doing nothing wrong. But if you have been telling him throughout your marriage I doubt he will stop unless he is actually going to suffer for it..

Trust me, he is capable for going on for DAYS.

I'm one of those people, I can't stand an atmosphere so I will usually give in and pander/force him to talk to me.

Not good is it?

And you are with him because???

It sounds awful!

RandomMess

I'm with him becaue of Security mainly.
Bad, I know.
I DO love him, but I think (because of his behaviour) he doesnt love me.

Can I ask how old you are, or at least how long you've been married to Prince Charming?

If I had been that waitress (I was a barmaid in another life), I would have felt your embarrassment and felt really sorry for you. But first and foremost, I would have thought what an utter fuck-wit he was, and why on earth would anyone be with such an utter tosser of a man.
It's not just demeaning to you, it's also very demeaning for the waitress.
Yuk who does he think HE is!!!

Oldear,
I am 47

No, not good at all

Of course, you don't like the atmosphere. Which emotionally healthy person would? The silent treatment is a way to control you because you pulled him up in his behaviour. He gets exactly what he wants - for you to give in or apologise instead of talking about his unreasonable behaviour.

Make the past the last time you give in.

He isn't your boss. He isn't in charge of you. He isn't better than you.

No more crap from him.

Just carry on your life. Don't wash or cook for him. Don't sleep with him. Pretend he isn't there. Let him grow the fuck up.

Urgh a 47 year old leeching over a young waitress - is he desperate to prove he can still get it up or something?

My ex used to do this all the time. His objective was to make me feel insecure and keep me in my place. Your dh sounds just like my ex.

Every time he walks past me today, he is doing that weird burping assertice crap.
It doesn't look good for us.

assertive

Urgh, presumably he's older than you?

If so, that's even worse, poor you, he's a dirty old git.
I thought he'd be in his 20's!!

Seriously, we've never gone 2 whole days without talking.
NOt looking good.

Trust me, he is capable for going on for DAYS.

Seriously, we've never gone 2 whole days without talking.

Which is it OP

It is looking fucking brilliant if it means you get yourself away from this abusive twat.

Itsfab, I'm no spring chicken. It would not be easy for me to start again as much as I'd like to

I DO appreciate all the advice!
Thanks so much xxxx

Um, if he doesn't talk for days after being thwarted, ignore him? I would certainly not be fakealogising to smooth things over. If he wants to behave like a child, let him. Fuck him.

DH used to sulk. I couldn't believe a 41 yo man sulked! I remember telling him - while he tried to pretend that he couldn't hear anything at all, was living surrounded by total silence - that he could behave like a small toddler who couldn't have a biscuit, but I wasn't interested. I then behaved completely normally towards him for probably another 20 minutes before he capitulated and his hearing was miraculously cured.

Stonewalling is usually a red flag for more serious behaviours. How is he the rest of the time?

Hmmm. I am taking on board all the advice about stonewalling.
(for years, I accepted this behavioiur as Normal?)

What do you think?

you don't need to tell him anything just do it.

If you are going to walk out if when he does this again, then just do it. In fact I'd say it would have more impact if you haven't warned him first.

But, oh OP I do feel for you. There are few things in life more dispiriting than being married to someone who's response to problems is stonewalling. I know I absolutely could not live like that.

He usually gives in ater about 2 days, (with the stonewalling), but this time, there is stubborness.
Fasten the seatbelts, this could be a long ride.

I don't think I can take this.