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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

hubby went on stag do last night and didn't text me all night...

88 replies

hudsonriver1 · 17/08/2014 09:49

Right tell me I'm over reacting but be gentle cos I'm 35 weeks pregnant. Feeling rather awful anyway.

Hubby went on stag do yesterday, had been winding me up about strippers etc all day and made me feel quite upset. He got to the hotel and was texting and then heard nothing until 9.30 this morning. I text him saying thanks for the text :(.and he replied 'morning'. Yet he had time to log into Facebook in the early hours.

Just feel a bit :(

I also am struggling with trust at the mo. He's very secretive with his phone, always has been. The other day he got a message on Fb which he said wasn't his phone making the noise but I knew it was. He denied it for ages and then finally sent me a picture of a naked girl his nephew had sent him on there. He's added a really pretty girl recently at work that bothers me. He put £70 into a 'secret' account a few months ago and then said it was for his son but then spend it on I don't know what and I couldn't even find a.card for the account....

Please tell me it's my hormones and I'm over reacting.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 17/08/2014 09:52

Think it all sounds a little childish to be honest.

butterflybuttons · 17/08/2014 09:53

I couldn't be with someone who thought seeing strippers were acceptable - but everything else which is going on, I wouldn't be surprised if he has someone else. Sorry. He certainly has no consideration for you or your feelings which is horrid.

OhMyArsingGodInABox · 17/08/2014 09:56

Well he sounds fucking horrible.

What a pathetic specimen.

BringMeSunshine2014 · 17/08/2014 09:57

I wish I could tell you that it's your hormones and you are over reacting, but I can't.

You appear to be having a baby with an utter prick :( It does sound like someone else is involved too, but whether they are or they aren't. I'd be giving him his marching orders. I know you are about to have a baby and the thought of doing it alone is probably very scary - the reality is that doing it with someone who treats you like this would be much worse.

Sorry my love, I wish things were different for you, they should be.

PenisesAreNotPink · 17/08/2014 09:57

It's not your hormones, it sounds like he's doing whatever the hell he wants - spending money, maybe on other women, just doing whatever he wants.

You've picked a crap bloke to have a child with , he has no respect for women if he's spending money on strippers.

Original poster
hudsonriver1 · 17/08/2014 10:00

I'm not saying there were strippers involved last night. I spoke to the bride to be and she very much doubted it. But the fact he didn't even text me when he got back to hotel to see if I was ok.or say goodnight has upset me. Why do u think there's some one else involved?

OP posts:
DiaDuit · 17/08/2014 10:01

Hes a wanker! And yes, i think he has done or is cheating or building up to it.

Please get yourself tested for STDs and think about what you want to do. I couldnt be with someone like him.

DiaDuit · 17/08/2014 10:02

Why do u think there's some one else involved?

Are you joking?

butterflybuttons · 17/08/2014 10:02

secretive with phone and money - does that not suggest someone else, plus his new FB friend?

And the fact that you had to play detective with the bride about strippers - even if they didn't go he was still taunting you about it. Sounds pretty vile to me.

And I agree with the STD testing sadly - sorry.

Original poster
hudsonriver1 · 17/08/2014 10:03

I am asking u why I think u think he's cheating?

OP posts:
Original poster
hudsonriver1 · 17/08/2014 10:07

Thanks. Ever since I have known him he's been secretive with his phone. I don't understand where that money went as we have joint accounts because of him spending money on porn. But this 1 time money went into another account and when I asked him he said it was for his son but then told me he spent it..... (without a card....)

OP posts:
DiaDuit · 17/08/2014 10:07

Secretive with phone
Lying about getting messages
New female friend at work
Getting naked photos sent to him
Secret bank account
Logging into fb early hours of the morning
Winding you up about other women
Distancing himself from you by not contacting you

Just a hunch.

Original poster
hudsonriver1 · 17/08/2014 10:08

The Fb friend, he has a few girls on there. They added each other aparently the other week. She worked where he used to work.....

OP posts:
Original poster
hudsonriver1 · 17/08/2014 10:09

But I feel if I bring this all up now it just sounds like I'm Bitter because of the stag do....

OP posts:
DiaDuit · 17/08/2014 10:11

Does it matter if you sound bitter? Is it really more important not to sound bitter than to find out if your husband is cheting on you? A decent man will feel awful that he has made you feel this way an would be only to keen to explain all these things.

DiaDuit · 17/08/2014 10:12

You are about to have a child with him. I think its only right you know what sort of man he is.

Dontgotosleep · 17/08/2014 10:12

It's a hard one because you're pregnant and pregnancy does make our hormones run riot, we think in a way that we wouldn't normally think.
However just because a person is paranoid does not mean their fears are unfounded. Obviously I'm no physcic Sally so I can't give you a yes or a no, but hopefully he's just going a bit crazy untill the baby is her and then he has the responsibility of being a dad.
Congratulations

Original poster
hudsonriver1 · 17/08/2014 10:12

Cos I just don't want to seem like a moany wife. He's also just had 2 weeks off with depression. I'm hoping he goes back tomorrkw

OP posts:
ifuknow · 17/08/2014 10:13

What man in his right mind 'winds up' his 35 wk pg wife with talk of strippers?
He's a knob. I hope he grows up when the baby arrives.

Original poster
hudsonriver1 · 17/08/2014 10:14

Hopefully he is just gping a bit crazy before the baby is here??? What's that meant to mean?!

OP posts:
DiaDuit · 17/08/2014 10:14

Oh well then dont say anything and be a pleasant wife whi might be getting cheated on.

Seriously think about what you are saying!

Moaning is what happens when your partner is a dick. Nothing wrong with moaning.

Original poster
hudsonriver1 · 17/08/2014 10:14

He did it Friday night and i got upset and he said he was only joking. Then he did it again before he left yesterday!

OP posts:
simontowers2 · 17/08/2014 10:17

So he spends money on porn, is secretive with his phone, cant be arsed texting his heavily pregnant wife, and generally behaves like an adolescent. Does this guy have any qualities OP?

DuckandCat · 17/08/2014 10:17

I don't think the not texting is that much of a big deal but the rest sounds awful.

  • He deliberately tried to make you feel upset by winding you up about seeing strippers.
  • He sent you a picture of a nacked girl (WTF)
  • He lies to you about money.
  • He is secretive with his phone.

No wonder you're so paranoid about who he adds on Facebook/ him not texting you etc. you wouldn't feel this way if he wasn't going out of his way to make you feel insecure.

It's really not meant to be this hard. What's the point of being with someone who makes you so crap?

Yambabe · 17/08/2014 10:17

Well I am going to go against the grain here and say I think you are over-reacting. He sounds immature and a bit stupid but I don't think he's having an affair, or has treated you particularly badly.

When me or DH go out with our mates, whatever the occasion, we don't feel the need to constantly stay in touch with each other cos we trust each other. If he stopped texting you around 9.30 he was probably pissed by then. If he didn't text at silly o'clock in the morning perhaps he didn't want to wake you what with you being pregnant?

Why does the pretty girl from work being on his FB bother you? Because you are feeling frumpy and the size of a bus at the moment perhaps? Surely he is allowed female friends no matter what they look like, he has chosen to be with YOU and have a child with you so I think you are worrying about nothing. If you are bothered, add her too and see what happens.

Re the "secret" account, if it's a savings account there won't be a card. Does he pay support for his son? It's not unusual for absent fathers to pay into a savings account for their kids whether they pay support or not, don't you watch Jeremy Kyle? Wink

I really think you don't have anything to worry about, but would also add that if it's all bothering you that much, talk to him.