Aibu to lock my husband out of the house?

[Rebecca2014]

I am fed up with his bullshit and lies.

In the last few months he has bothered to go out with me and our dd once, just once and I had the pleasure of paying for it out of my child tax credit money. He works constantly, he has one full time job and 2 part time jobs but still complains he is skint after paying all the bills. He is at work 6/7 days a week and doesn't come home on the weekends at all, he tells me sleeps in his car at night. When he is at home his in a bad mood and doesn't want to do anything.

He never helps with childcare, I have to always ask my family for help. He has 2 days a week off from his main job, on one of those days I wanted to get my hair done but he said no as his chosen to work on that day. I am fed up with having to keep depending on my poor family to babysit because my twat of a husband won't take a day off work.

He told me on Sunday he had to go to a meeting in the evening, okay I found that a bit strange but went along with it. I checked his email this morning as I have the password and he lied, it is a work party with dinner and drinks and he could bring his partner along. So he has lied to me again, god knows how many lies he has told me.

I am so angry and when he comes back home on Monday I want to lock him out of the house. I am afraid legally I don't have a leg to stand on due fact we rent and both our names are on the tenancy.

Either he really is working ridiculous unsustainable hours, which will ultimately end up either in a total breakdown or killing him. Or he's lying to you about where he is. Either of those is still possible. He may be acting like a tosser because he is totally knackered, or stressed out, or trying to hide spiralling debts. Or because he's a lying tosser. Neither is good for either of you. You need to communicate. Not about the little things - haircuts and Sunday night are symptoms and distractions. If he is really killing himself trying to stay afloat then those sorts of accusations will really hurt. If he's a tosser, they won't get you anywhere. So tell him how worried you are about him. That you're scared he's going to go under. That you don't care if there are debts you didn't know about, if he's been trying to protect you, but you need to know now, so that you can pull together to work it out.

It just might work. If not, then I don't think you need a locksmith so much as a lawyer. And I'm sorry.

He sounds like he is leading a double life to me, I don't believe that he sleeps in the car. How can you work and sleep in a car?
If he has lied to you about the works do, what else has he lied to you about?
Personally I would find it hard to trust this man.

Pay day loan?! He needs his head checking.

However, he sounds like he's working his backside
Off, and is probably So shattered from jobs I wouldn't expect him to do a lot of childcare. Write your concerns down in a letter, or sit and talk to him about this, telling him
The truth.

Sounds miserable. When do you actually get to see him if he sleeps in the car and is always working?.

Iirc you can actually put your name down on the local council housing list regardless of whether you are currently housed or not, maybe a option?

www.womensaid.org.uk/

www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

When does your tenancy agreement end? That would be a good time to formally separate & move into a new area and house.

I would use the end of the tenancy agreement as a date to work towards getting arrangements in place to go solo. I would not leave your dd with him as you may have trouble getting her back and also keeping hold of the child benefit.

I would also get free legal advice from a solicitor. The first 30 minutes are free so book an appointment with a good family solicitor.

Ok. He may want to stay with you for a variety of reasons. Do you cook, clean wash his pants? He may not want to pay maintenance. He may enjoy being cruel to you, some men enjoy being horrid, wstching you bend over backwards to get him to be nice. It flatters their ego.

Repost on relationships. Tell us more about other aspects of your relationship start a new post with any previous incidents. Someone mentioned he had been violent up thread.

It doesn't sound good op. Xx

Leave then. Nobody is forcing you to stay.

Look for work, then you will be able to rent in your own name. You already get parental help with childcare and can top up with a nursery/childminder.

Given he pays all the bills, it's not hard to see why he won't leave.

You can report your post and ask it to be moved. I have reported for you so hopefully mnhq will move it x

Evening everyone. We're going to move his thread to Relationships in just a moment.

stupid question, if he sleeps in his car where does he shower, shave, change clothes etc?

I'm surprised at the hard time you're getting.
I don't believe he's sleeping in his car. Why would he?
He's sleeping somewhere.

Rebecca, the best advice you'll get is to speak to Women's Aid. They'll help you decide whether you think this is a bad relationship. And then support you. All the housing and legal stuff, they can point you in the right direction. Call them. x

do you think he is cheating?

if not then I think you are being extremely harsh. my OH hasn't had a day off in ages as he is working loads of overtime. I wouldn't expect him to take a day off for me to have my hair done. that's rediculous.
nore would I expect him not to be tired working all those hours.

if you do think he is cheating then you need to address this properly and find out the truth

No real advice but really wanted to send you a hug.

Please don't consider leaving and leaving your child behind. I know you won't, but just, well don't.

On your own you would get housing benefit I should expect, so I suggest you speaking to your parents and agree a time period for staying with them. Any siblings? Friend you could stay with? X

Agree with cabrinha.

op call women's aid and see what your options are. Leave this jerk.

What is he doing for work? Do these jobs warrant sleeping in his car.

I'm old and cynical so no suprise that I don't believe him.

I didn't even get passed the first paragraph. Your poor husband!

Ok, I've read further and further updates - my bad entirely. It does sound somewhat suspect...

I didn't even get passed the first paragraph. Your poor husband!

Huh?!

If you didn't read past the first paragraph then you didn't read the part where he told the OP that he was going to a work meeting on Sunday evening, only for her to discover that it was actually a dinner and drinks evening he could also have taken her to. Not a "poor husband" really, at all.

Sleeping in his car sounds highly unlikely to me. It just wouldn't be comfortable enough long term. I guess he is sleeping somewhere else.

As I said, MY bad.. I just read 'my husband is working three jobs' and had one day out using 'my child tax credits' - I was wrong... Don't think I was the only one to get the wrong end of the stick initially - sincerely sorry OP (and everyone else! I DO usually read a full opening OP and the replies - lesson learned!)

Hmm. I have a good friend whose H was doing very similar work wise and working all the hours there were. Their house was in his name. Then he dropped dead of a heart attack and the next thing you know my friend gets a visit from another woman and her three DC.
Turns out my friend was actually his second wife, he was a bigamist with a family a few streets away from my friend and his first wife claimed their house as his widow.
My friend and her DC got very little
Took a looooong time for her to deal with the shock and grief and the fact that she didn't know him at all.
I am not saying your H is a bigamist etc but it makes me sceptical that this is all innocent.
Does he have a gambling habit?
What debts can he have that he needs to work so much?
You need to do some digging Op.

This happened to someone I knew. It turned out that the H had an OW and 2 kids with her. It had been going on for many years, he even bought her a house and managed to hide it from his first wife. He was a fine upstanding pillar of the community (legal pro) at the time. He's not now though

Rebecca you need to start investigating. I am sorry but something is very wrong here.

During the time I wrote this post I see SirR has also posted something similar

Thanks for all the replies. I just wanted to update, I have been texting my husband and he has agreed to move out and has even given me a rough date when he be gone. I do believe him when he says he be leaving.

I do not even care now about what he is doing tonight, he is not my problem anymore. Thanks all.

Sounds best all round.

Best of luck love

It reads like he knows you have found him out. I'm so sorry for you but this is a good move forward, remember everything he hasn't done and plan for your future.