Aibu to lock my husband out of the house?

[Rebecca2014]

I am fed up with his bullshit and lies.

In the last few months he has bothered to go out with me and our dd once, just once and I had the pleasure of paying for it out of my child tax credit money. He works constantly, he has one full time job and 2 part time jobs but still complains he is skint after paying all the bills. He is at work 6/7 days a week and doesn't come home on the weekends at all, he tells me sleeps in his car at night. When he is at home his in a bad mood and doesn't want to do anything.

He never helps with childcare, I have to always ask my family for help. He has 2 days a week off from his main job, on one of those days I wanted to get my hair done but he said no as his chosen to work on that day. I am fed up with having to keep depending on my poor family to babysit because my twat of a husband won't take a day off work.

He told me on Sunday he had to go to a meeting in the evening, okay I found that a bit strange but went along with it. I checked his email this morning as I have the password and he lied, it is a work party with dinner and drinks and he could bring his partner along. So he has lied to me again, god knows how many lies he has told me.

I am so angry and when he comes back home on Monday I want to lock him out of the house. I am afraid legally I don't have a leg to stand on due fact we rent and both our names are on the tenancy.

You need to have a chat and ask him for details of incomings/outgoings. He maybe better off in 1 job and claiming tc. No he shouldnt have lied about night out but he may need a break? Its not normal for a partner to take a day off work for the hairdressers.0

Sorry x post. If you previously managed when he was working just five days a week, what has changed?

Has he got himself into a mess with payday loans and the interest spiralling out of control? Do you know how much debt there is? Or do you think he is spending on something else?

Is he gambling? Do you have access to the bank accounts and credit cards. Is he really in work all the time?

WSS= what she said.

He's spending more than before on something. Drugs/gambling/high interest loans/an affair?

Given the new information, something's definately up.

He's lying to you and he's either cheating or got himself in a massive mess and is lying about it.

One can be worked through possibly, the other blows all trust out the window and your best off out. You really need to find out of debts are in yor name too with regard to bailiffs etc.

I have no access to his bank account so I don't know his income or outgoings. He won't discuss it with me either.

Some people have made snide comments, how would you feel if your oh was never at home and had only once gone out with you in three months? you then find out his lied and his going to a work party, his willing to go out with his friends but not with you. Yes I wanted to get my hair done and on his day off I wanted him to look after our daughter, I don't see why that is so wrong?

Talking to him and having access to his accounts maybe the only way forward. Going on about days off and your hair makes you sound very entitled, take yoyr dd with you. Your lucky you have family to help. How old are you?

I think people should lay off about the hairdresser thing, the OP is just venting. There is clearly a real problem here as the DH won't talk to the OP about why he needs to work so many hours. He won't discuss income or outgoings. He won't entertain the idea of her working at the weekends instead of him. He lied to her about what he was doing on Sunday night. He is never at home and appears to contribute very little to family life, apart from paying the bills.

What do you actually get out of the relationship, OP?

You need to demand to see the bank accounts to see what is happening. If he is working 7 days a week I would worry where the money is going.

He is never at home and appears to contribute very little to family life, apart from paying the bills.
*

This.

I get nothing out of the marriage and all we do is argue. He is not home till Monday now as he is working all day and night...

I feel like a single parent. I have told him how I feel and he doesn't care, his home maybe one day a week and his grumpy and just tries to start a fight when he is here.

I think you'd be better off on your own tbh.

Yes it will be hard but any benefits and housing will be in your name and won't be able to demand any of it. You will get tax credits and child benefit and a free nursery place when child is two.

Right now you get nothing and have no life as he's never home and is stopping you from having any job etc. I think you would be better off emotionally too

Well all I can suggest is to communicate with him properly. Lay it on the line that the marriage is virtually over. Does he want to work to save it or is that it? If he does, then there needs to be complete transparency financially and everywhere else. You need to work as a team which is certainly not happening now.

You don't have a relationship at present. Communicate.

Oh Yabu to lock him out. You need to sort it out sensibly and calmly by actually talking to him. If he won't talk then you make plans for one of you to leave.

When you say he works three jobs and sleeps in his car and is working all day and night until Monday....is he sleeping in the car because he doesn't have time to travel home and get some sleep before going to his next job?
How many hours each week is he working?
Has he got into a mess with payday loans and is working extra hours to sort it out without worrying you?
Were you surviving previously on one job due to living on credit which has now parallel out of control?

I think you should be concerned about his health (assuming he is being truthful about his whereabouts). You need to work out a plan together whereby your DH can work less hours and you can still manage financially.
You have a few options:
Your DH gives up the two part time jobs and you find work that covers those jobs.
If it is a debt problem you seek advice on an IVA or similar.
If it is a marriage problem you sit down and work out whether you want to remain together.
If he is depressed then he seeks medical advice.

Locking him out of the house and complaining that he is never there due to working and won't let you get a haircut due to him working is really not the answer.

One more thing; Has he lied to you about going out because he feels guilty about it and didn't know how to tell you?

Ident think it's as simple as taking a day off for you to get your hair done, I'm going this week to get mine done and it didn't occur to me to have H look after the kids so my mums doing it (I realise not everyone has that option).

Wrt party. Is it possible he is so worried about your reaction that it was easier for him to say he was working than tell you he was going? Tbh you do come across quite angry and resentful in your posts.

Maybe there is financial trouble that he feels unable to speak to you about?

I think you need to get a grip. You are home all day with no job, why would you need help with childcare?

Him wanting to relax on his time off after working three jobs is not much to ask for. If you want him to work less, book a nursery/childminder and share the financial burden. That way the extra jobs can go, you will have evenings together etc.

How old is your dd op?

Oh get a grip my arse

The op is clearly being taken for a mug, she has said she would like to get a bit of part time work but he won't discuss anything with her.

He's a liar and probably a philanderer he's either gambling or got another woman, him getting payday Loans is also wrecking your credit history.

Op I suggest you take control of your end of things, and seek to minimise damage to you and your kids. Separate finances and see the landlord for options about the tenancy.

Ide stop worrying about what he is up to as far as you can, because i doubt that any of it would be good news.

Erm, she's home all day with children Daisy I think she wants childcare so she can work.

Op,, something must be going on here, if he won't talk to you about it, he has to go.

His behavior is definitely suspicious, do some digging

I have read your posts before OP.

You have said there are money worries, but also, more worryingly, that your husband has been violent towards you.

It's not much of a marriage is it?

I would be looking to extricate myself from the marriage is I were in your situation.

I think some people responding either have no children or loads of help. The only time I can get my hair done is on a Saturday when my DH can look after the DCs. Does this make me entitled? Maybe I should cut my own so the 'poor man' can have his weekend off? And when OP has the DCs day in and out, why on earth shouldn't her H help when he is at home? The 1950s ended quite a while ago, you know.

Sorry to say this OP but the most likely scenario is that your H is cheating. Other possibilities are debt or just avoiding family responsibilities. Whatever the reason, it can't go on with you so resentful and unhappy. Talk to him, lay it on the line and if he won't engage, maybe you need to separate so he can appreciate what he's risking. After all you're effectively a single mum now.

him getting payday Loans is also wrecking your credit history.

That is correct but don't you think that why he had taken loans / other credit is important? What if he has been overspending to buy food for the OP and their children?
To be honest I would want to know everything before jumping to conclusions and mankind decisions. Maybe they can't afford for OP to get a haircut and that's why he worked that day.
The DV is a different matter and is reason on its own for OP to LTB.

I guess the child benefit is the OPs because her DH is an a abusive arse who doesn't see the money he earns as family money.