The Brave Babes Battle Bus - In Search Of Sobriety, Sunshine & Survival!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse :)

Welcome to the thread, or our mythical Bus called Gerald!

There is room for everyone. Always

There is help for everyone who wants it. Always

There is unconditional support and kindness. Always

We have two sentences that we believe in here -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

No matter what it is that you drink, how much, how often, we've ALL been in your position at one point or another...... so most of us WILL know exactly what it's like to be YOU

If you'd like to read the last thread, it's below -

THIS IS THE PREVIOUS THREAD

And if you want to read a pretty sobering thread and the history behind these many, the reason why we are all here, fighting to stay/get sober is here -

FIRST EVER BRAVE BABES THREAD

Hope to see you soon :)

Mouse x

Hi babes, just checking in. Was going to post last night but couldn't get onto the website for some reason.

Day 6 almost done. I'm enjoying having a clear head, but am still not getting much Real Work done (by which I mean writing/research). Instead I'm doing all sorts of other little tasks which aren't really essential. 'Displacement activities', a friend of mine calls them. Never mind. Baby steps. I'm also trying to get to an AA meeting every day. I'm not exactly sure how and why they work, but I find it much easier not to drink on days when I go. DH is going to be out of town for the next three days though, so I'm going to have to take a few days' hiatus from meetings. Either that or try out an online meeting, which I haven't done yet. There's a meeting on Friday that lets parents bring their kids, but now that school is out, I would have to bring DS1 as well as DS2, and he is likely to ask loads of embarrassing questions.

I've gone running for two days in a row (hurrah!) but am still indulging in lots of late-night comfort food, so I doubt that the scales are going to show any progress. I did feel great on the run today though.

rural, your WB's selfishness with respect to HIS OWN BIOLOGICAL children is shocking. On a lighter note, will this thread turn WB into MN's hottest new acronym? As for ma's new word 'wankbadgeriness', I'm filing that away along with 'bosie' as useful new vocab for future situations.

username, I know what you mean about extra evening time that has suddenly opened up. Drinking made me too tired to concentrate on anything in the evening - even telly. Now I'm starting to read for pleasure again. Even buying an occasional newspaper, which I hadn't done for ages (even though you can read the news online, I like the experience of thumbing through the print edition). I feel like I'm rediscovering bits of my old self.

spanna, thanks for the Keyes rec of Watermelon. I'm not entirely surprised that Keyes wrote a male character you found objectionable. As much as I liked Rachel's Holiday, I found Luke (the male lead) one of the silliest bits in the book - he is so masterful, and yet sensitive! He never fails to make the heroine weak and wet and tingly! Ha ha. Despite Keyes' attempts to make him a bit distinctive, he was much more cardboard-cutout-like than most of the other characters.

Technically I am now in a taxi but I am back on the bus.
Ha ha, wry, I love you. I don't mean to imply that your story is funny, but I'm so pleased you insisted on the taxi. Rows with DH are my main drinking trigger too.

Too tired to namecheck everyone properly, but looking, whitebag, ma and everyone else, thinking of you.

Welcome Mr and MrsT, and also just! I know exactly what you mean, just, about constantly counting down to wine o'clock. Nice to read your posts, guggenheim, you're a rock.

Till tomorrow. xx

Have just read your very moving post, babyjane. You have turned your life around so dramatically in such a short time, I'm not surprised it's all a little scary and lonely. Traditional AA wisdom is not to make any big life decisions in the months right after you've become sober, because it's a time when you're so vulnerable, trying to restructure your life and centre it around something other than drink/drugs.

It seems to me that your DH (and other family members) are not being very considerate if they're not giving any thought to the issues that led to your addiction and breakdown in the first place. Can you get counselling for yourself if not for yourself and your DH together?

Personally I have found the RL support of the AA meetings (what they call 'the rooms') invaluable. At first it felt very alien, but I'm starting to recognise people and chat with them afterward, and starting to form some kind of support network in RL (as well as online) makes me feel less alone. Even the people who love you most can't really understand what you are going through unless they've battled with addiction themselves. I have told a couple of close friends and they've been very supportive, along the lines of "You don't drink any more, great!" So I can't complain, but they have no clue about what an ongoing struggle it is, every day and hour and sometimes minute.

AA also has a small book called 'Living Sober' that I've found very helpful. It's much less preachy and dogmatic than the other AA literature I've looked at; it's basically just a series of tips about how to make the most of sobriety - in short, once you've stopped drinking, how to start living. In the meetings there is also a lot of talk about serenity and finding the strength to face the aspects of life that you previously found difficult or intolerable.

Hope I'm not sounding like some crazy AA robot; I'm just saying what has helped me so far. Everyone is different. But I think you're right: if you step back into your old life and everything is the same as it was before, with the only difference being the fact that you're not using any mood-altering substances, you ARE in danger of starting to use again. You need to ADD stuff to your life rather than just taking it away. The bus might be enough, but you might want to try out other sources of emotional sustenance as well. Especially if your DH isn't providing it at the moment.

You mentioned starting a college or uni degree - that sounds fab too...

For what it's worth I'm hugely impressed by what you've achieved.

marfisa thank you so much for your heartfelt response, I've I always been one of those crazy mums that likes their children being at home, I crave affection and love and I'm very immature with my emotions. I am seeing a councillor and she reckons I'm trying so hard to make good my mistakes and be perfect at everything that I am living a rather stepford wife existence. My family and dh have been amazing during the actual crisis but I guess relief at my recovery has given them a sense of "let's not go there" as the reality of having a daughter you can't wake up (the catalyst for my sobriety) is too awful to look back at.

I'm an only child, I can't argue, I'm a people pleaser, I detest conflict and adapt my personality to fit those I'm with. My councillor calls it "ivory tower syndrome", I literally left home to get married, back home after separation then met current dh within a year and set up home together. I've literally never spent more than a night alone in my entire 43 years. I'm like a 43 year old woman trapped in a frightened child's body!! I've said so many times on here dh is a good, kind man but not one for romance or talking about feelings and inadvertently very very selfish. I am regaining the trust of others which delights and scares me at the same time, I have finally realised at the grand ole age if 43, I need to face life and grow up, sober and with courage... Yikes xxx

wry like I say I don't do confrontation but am sorely tempted to sow prawns into the curtain hem of your horrid OH, can't do that for looking as they live together but maybe his car!!!!!!

My dd is demanding my attention so I will read back all of your posts and NC later.

Thank you, thank you, thank heavens for all of you xxx

Another people pleaser here. Growing up I learnt how to give the 'right' answers to keep my parents happy (even if those 'right' answers were not the truth). I've got better over the years but I still feel selfish and self-centred when the 'people' I please is myself, and at times I still think it is my responsibility to make sure that everyone in the world is happy..... That's quite a task!

hello babes sorry I've been awol; life has just been too busy. I did slip up as well (the Bus gives me strength!) although maybe not as much as previously. I've still got to learn to cope with unexpected situations. I can plan 2 small bottles of wine, no problem - but if someone suddenly hands me a glass of Pimms - that's really difficult to say no to.

Anyway, what have I missed? You started a new thread! looking so sorry to hear about everything you're going through - you have stayed marvellously strong throughout!

And what's this about ma receiving naughty emails? Or was she sending the email?

baby 'i'm an only child, I can't argue, I'm a people pleaser, I detest conflict and adapt my personality to fit those I'm with' you have just described me to a T!! Don't beat yourself up about not living alone, I lived by myself for five years, managed fine but I still feel like I'm not a fully functioning adult. I've made such a mess of things by accepting less than i should, trying to fix things/H, when I should have just walked away, and now I can see that would have been the right thing for me to do, I'm trapped....however at least I'm not drowning my sorrows, I'm not trying to capture/recapture something that was illusionary in the first place.

Hope I've just read a couple of liane Moriarty's, What Alice Forgot, and Her Husband's Secret. I was engrossed but found Her Husband's secret a bit too close to home - the concept behind it that is, the ripple effect from all the little decisions we make. Long story short when dd1 was not a week old she stopped breathing, I was holding her and realised. did cpr, ambulance called, week stay in hospital, no long term damage. But I hadn't wanted to hold her, I was really ill, and nearly put her in the moses basket. For years afterwards I tortured myself imagining an alternative reality where I put her in the basket and she stopped breathing and died. So it was kind of uncomfortable reading.

joey that's where controlled drinking gets hard. it's ok when you plan ahead, buy your own drinks for saturday night, etc, but when your unexpectedly offered a drink I'll find myself accepting without really thinking. Unless I'm driving and have a 'legitimate' reason not to drink it almost seems rude to turn it down (which I know is stupid).

Marfisa some wise words to Baby Day 6 is awesome

Baby oh darling, you are doing so well. Is there any member of your family that you can speak to about how you feel about the situation around you not changing. You have made so much progress in your quest. You are gorgeous and I for one love reading your posts about your pampering, your nails, hair, makeup etc It's good to care about what you look like, as it makes you feel better dealing with the outside world Please try not to worry about the kids going back to school, enjoy the time you've got left on holiday together. I think you are amazing and your posts encourage and are full of courage

Joey good to see you. oh yes and pimms is such a treat and so summery

Hope how you doing babe?

Ma good luck with presentation tomorrow, I hope it goes well x

Beaches twinkle hope you're ok

Day 4 and I'm ratty, unreasonable in fact I've been a pigging nightmare today 47 going on 5, OMG I had a temper tantrum earlier I'm sure there's a flipping full moon looming

Anneis it is so frightening with our DC. I had something similar with my DD2's breathing abroad, thank God I had decent travel insurance at the time, spent the whole week in hospital with her scared out of my wits. Have a good evening lovely

Little are you back from your trip? Did you have fun?

Wry how are you honey?

Haven't read all so forgive me...
Meeting with distracted chap went well. Managed to get him so off guard that at one point he said, in extremely well modulated tones, "I'm terribly sorry. I have completely forgotten what I was going to say!"
Babes, he is gawjuss! I am having such a lot of fun!
On another note, tomorrow is my 27th wedding anniversary......

Ma you turned him into a gibbering wreck, must have been those norks of yours Sounds like you are having fun (sorry thought meeting was tomorrow but it's thurs today, I'm losing it)

27 years that is a life time, congrats for tomorrow

A lifetime wasted....

A lifetime wasted....

No Ma not wasted, you have lovely DS x

Hello Just, how are you lass? You will find the people on this bus to be
some of the kindest, most supportive people in existence. In fact, strike that. The kindest, most supportive people in existence. Indeedy. The phrase by the inimitable scottishmummy (love her posts ) "just words on a screen" does not apply to oor lovely bus. xx

Hello Just, how are you lass? You will find the people on this bus to be The words on here have been instrumental to the recovery of my mojo. Some days I can only snatch a quick read, and seriously don't have time to post or NC much to my disappointment. However, just reading has buoyed me on the down days. Keep posting, this is a wonderful place to come for a moan, a smile, to give a little snapshot of your life - good, bad, happy, sad, day to day loveliness and moments of despair, regret, anything at all. But above all else, you will find friendship and support. It's all here. Honest. xx

spanna hello lovely, I'm okay. It's too busy at work to dwell on stuff, even though things do need a chewing over in my head. How's day 4 coming along? Giving up two things?!?

Sorry just just spotted a few rogue words in your bit.

Must have accidently pasted a bit when I was reading back. (MustPreviewMustPreviewMustPreview)

In my defence, it's been a long day!

Night night all! xx

Night Night Wry sleep well lovely one x

Night night, spanna, sweet dreams my bonny lass. I can't imagine you being humphy at all, y'know.

I would love to have a tantrum tomorrow. I shall brew one like a good cup of tea and let it loose. The full moon is nigh.

Full moon = Jaffa cakes. Foooooooooood. Can't sleep and have the munch. I'm quite Labradorish really. Very very food driven and a shedder of hair.

Wry love your mega-post there. This thread is so good at the moment it has dragged me away from my novel, so there!

Good luck with the bath bombs. (have vision of police surrounding Gerald with spotlights and a megaphone after someone reports mis-hearing us at the petrol station) 'come out with your hands up - we have reports of a bus full of crazed peri-menopausal women making bombs in there'

Baby thanks for your heartfelt posts. Like Anne I really relate to your posts - I am an only child and a people pleaser and sometimes (a lot of the time) feel like an actor in my own life. I think when you give up alcohol, at first you are just glad to have given up but then when weeks go by and you don't feel things have changed, even though you feel changed, it is unsettling and you press the fuck it button.

Sometimes a few days into not drinking I start to feel really sad - I feel I have wasted my life with cowardly decisions, like marrying WB when I knew really it would never be the relationship I wanted. He is negative and antisocial and I so envy couples who go out together and socialise and have joint friends. All my friends are just my friends, I go to parties with just me and the kids and make excuses for him.

You have been a great inspiration to me though Baby, so you will ge through this. It is good that you have a counsellor. Keep on with that - it all takes time but hopefully the insights will eventually turn to action.

I am looking at doing SMART recovery online. I just stop drinking and think I'm recovered, but I'm not. I need to change the reasons I drink - and they are partly circumstance, and partly me. The wonderful, warm and wise Marfisa (bows down to wise Marfisa) sums it up really, though AA not an option for me, a) because I just do not have time to go to meetings and do not have a supportive family who would make time for me to go and b) I am not willing to have WBs family point the finger at me and say 'drink problem'. For some reason they think getting pissed every night is not a problem, but seeking recovery is. I know I shouldn't care what they think, but caring what people think is a big part of why I'm a drinker I think.

Ma - I am jealous of your allure. The only people who ever hit on me are always really old business types. Bleh!!! How is lovely chap???

Spanna - how are you doing chick? Looked in dd's room tonight and suddenly realised I have less than a week post-birthday sleepover until decorator arrives, and need a JCB to clear 11 years' worth of used felt tip pens, glitter tattoos, sticker books, unicorn posters, butterfly motifs, story books, cushions, fluffy toys and sparkly wands. She will get rid of all her fairy princess pink sparkly past, paint her room aqua, dismantle the four poster bed with the fairy lights and break my heart by growing up ... and I just think, what sort of marriage / life will this be when both the kids are teenagers and don't need me any more?

Ooh, spooked myself now, am going to go to sleep.

Sorry not to name check everybody, hope you all have a good night xxx

wry it was a lucky day indeed when you clattered aboard this bus!
Your post make me laugh so much and your character shines through every time.
baby the scourge of wankbadgeriness everywhere...love it!

Good evening yer mad bunch of loonies.

Sorry I'm so scarce. I'm trying to get on with just being sober forever and not being so focused on the fact that I have not had a drink for 90 days, 4 hours, 34 minutes and 23 seconds.

Not that I'm counting or anything.

It's bloody fabulous. Do it babes

Soc xx

Nervously peeks head through the door

Room for one more?

Good morning lovelies, s

Morning all (wakes up,discards blanket on back seat and hauls Pizzamama onto the bus and hands her a ticket). Welcome aboard!

pizza hop on in! At work so post time limited for now, look forward to hearing about your day! Xx

Good morning lovely Brave Babes

Today is going to be a good day. Day 5 and I will not be giving in to WW or Smokey Joe

Soc OMG Babe that is truly amazing