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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - In Search Of Sobriety, Sunshine & Survival!

999 replies

Mouseface · 01/08/2014 15:59

Hello, I'm Mouse :)

Welcome to the thread, or our mythical Bus called Gerald! Grin

There is room for everyone. Always

There is help for everyone who wants it. Always

There is unconditional support and kindness. Always

We have two sentences that we believe in here -

    • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
    • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

No matter what it is that you drink, how much, how often, we've ALL been in your position at one point or another...... so most of us WILL know exactly what it's like to be YOU

If you'd like to read the last thread, it's below -

THIS IS THE PREVIOUS THREAD

And if you want to read a pretty sobering thread and the history behind these many, the reason why we are all here, fighting to stay/get sober is here -

FIRST EVER BRAVE BABES THREAD

Hope to see you soon :)

Mouse x

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
spanna41 · 31/08/2014 16:51

Margaret really glad u had a lovely time in Cornwall Smile

Eccles well done Day 9 is awesome Grin

Beaches how u doing honey?

Wry hope ur having a splendid time darling x

I could really live in a pine forrest it's very calming Smile still got a sore bum from Bike

Love to you all, pass some brambles over here please, have to say Ma bramble vodka sounds yum scrum Grin nearly as good as homemade chocolate vodka which is divine ! Anyway enough talk of booze, day 29 today Shock

venusandmars · 31/08/2014 16:51

Do something different - move to a different room, tidy your wardrobe, clean the windows, go out for a coffee or an ice-cream (depending on the weather where you are). Just do something

venusandmars · 31/08/2014 16:52

that ^^ was for joey of course x

spanna41 · 31/08/2014 16:55

Blush 28 days even

Anneisnotmyname · 31/08/2014 17:25

Well done spanna :)

Eccles I managed not to cave in last night, just told myself I can have wine another night, it'll still be there. Funny thing was I woke up feeling panicky that I'd drank too much last night and would have a hangover. I get this dream a lot in the early hours of the morning, probably a memory of all the times I'd lie there slowly waking up and assessing how bad I felt Blush

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 31/08/2014 17:44

well done annie its great waking up sober though isn;t it even if you dreamt you weren't Smile

aliasjoey · 31/08/2014 17:54

Thanks

spanna41 · 31/08/2014 17:56

Nice one Anneis good thought process I like it Grin

spanna41 · 31/08/2014 17:58

You ok Joey ?

aliasjoey · 31/08/2014 18:31

It wasn't so much alcohol cravings, I was in the middle of an anxiety attack. Yeah I know alcohol does help (sort of!) with anxiety, but I have wine for later, and am not going to drink it now - I'm actually in control of that aspect (sort of!)

I was worrying about tomorrow - my annual appraisal at work - and just went into full-blown headfuck. Not exactly a panic attack, but not far off. The stupid thing is, I could have stopped it - breathing, relaxation exercises - but for some reason didn't. ??? I did that once during a counselling session, and the therapist suggested that because adrenalin is a feel-good drug, it's almost like your body wants it. I definitely don't enjoy the anxiety, but maybe it gives a kind of "high" and it becomes addictive?

Anyway, I eventually made myself do some CBT exercises, took a couple of Kalms, wrote stuff down and then walked the dog. And now I feel okay. Hmm it is weird. And I can totally see how in the past I used alcohol to 'damp down' those feelings.

dementedma · 31/08/2014 18:41

alias you OK now?

aliasjoey · 31/08/2014 18:58

Yeah, I feel fine now - how weird is that?! Sorry for being such a drama queen. Thanks for asking.

How are you doing today?

dementedma · 31/08/2014 19:15

I'm OK. Keeping busy. checkingintray
Working through stuff in my head, or trying to.

spanna41 · 31/08/2014 20:29

Joey glad you're ok now Smile Work appraisals are a fag I can't stand them (especially if they don 't listen and do stuff they say they'll do) try not to worry lovely, wishing u luck. If it helps imagine them all naked, that's always good for a laugh Grin

aliasjoey · 31/08/2014 21:00

I know they're going to say my work isn't up to standard - and the worst part is, they are right. Will probably get a warning.

spanna41 · 31/08/2014 21:16

You could be way off the mark with that. It may not be as bad as you think. I hope not lovely. Try and think happy positive thoughts before you sleep. What time's your appraisal? The bus can do a group positive thoughts for you. X

aliasjoey · 31/08/2014 21:50

I know it will be bad - boss already made noises on Friday. My positive thoughts are... Ummm... Errr... To try and focus on the stuff I have done well?

aliasjoey · 31/08/2014 21:55

Actually YES thanks spanna that is what I will do! Am gonna focus on the positvies

venusandmars · 31/08/2014 22:26

joey yes, yes, yes, to thinking (and writing down) the many, many things that you have done well - all the times you have coped with pressure, dealt with difficult situations and difficult people, the examples when you have stayed late, solved problems etc. If you can, then put them into categories (e.g. planning ahead, responding to a crisis, good communication, putting in extra hours, good with numbers, good with people)

If there are criticisms, then ask for specifics. It may sound painful but you should never accept any general complaints (e.g. you don't pay attention, you get things wrong, you are always off sick) - ask them to be specific about any issues they raise. Then ask them what you could do in that specific circumstance that would be better. Then ask them what they could do to help you achieve that (training, support, better explanation, clearer lines of responsibility etc)

You don't necessarily have to defend yourself against what they say at the time (nor do you have to agree with it). Say "I've taken not of what you have said, and I'd like to reflect on it"

Then later, for any area where they have a concern you can reply (in writing) you said I did X, but I also did A, B and C which demonstrates my competence in that area. X happened because of ...... and this situation could be avoided in future if (insert some kind of supportive management action such as more training or better communication or clearer lines of responsibility).

Or dispute issues that they have concern about. e.g. if they say that you are no good at figures, then bombard them with evidence that you ARE good with numbers.

It can be too easy to collude with our 'appraisers' in these situations because we all feel a bit crap about ourselves inside (yes all of us) and it seems easier sometimes to sit there shamefaced and say 'yes, all right' than to come out fighting and say "No. You are wrong. I do not do that all the time. And I need [deserve and am entitled to] more support"

Go joey. We'll be with you tomorrow.

Fairenuff · 31/08/2014 23:02

Great advice Venus

beachestoexplore · 01/09/2014 01:19

Hi Babes, day 19 almost done.

joey good luck for tomorrow babe Smile, great advice from Venus.

Spanna hello sweetie! Thanks for the Tennis!! glad to see you enjoyed your trip away and survived the 3 nights and 4 days 28 days is bloomin' awesome peanut Grin.

Margaret glad you and DD had lots of fun in Cornwall.

Annie I find those dreams so disorientating but then a lovely relief when the realisation hits, well done!

Snazzy. How are you babe? Did you get a stinking hangover? When I have had a longish break the first time I drank, the hangover was horrible. (I have usually pushed through to find subsequent hangovers got more bearable Blush).

Just hope you and your dh managed to talk today. It is scary being on the brink of facing something which feels so huge. Thinking of you Thanks

Love to all babes

spanna41 · 01/09/2014 07:27

Morning all Smile

Good luck today Joey x

Leaving the pine forest this morning Sad it's been nice to be in a different setting. Mums has a really bad chest so I've done all domestic stuff (doesn't feel like I've had a break!) but hey. school shoe shopping today, urgh! No doubt will be really busy with last minuters like me. Will check in later once I'm on the other side !

Day 29 today Smile

Have a good one y'all x

PizzaMama · 01/09/2014 08:20

I posted a couple of weeks ago then got nervous and stopped.

Anyhoo, I have decided that I'm going to try and stay dry for the month of September - I'm dreading it!

Hope I can stay strong!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 01/09/2014 08:45

Pizza set yourself a goal for a few days at a time rather than the whole month, it is less of a blow if you do succumb to the evil that is the WW. It will add up in small chunks and achieve the same thing... good luck, ditract yourself and read back on some of the great suggestions on the thread. (day 10 today... last day 10 was my downfall day... literally Sad)

PhraseAndFable · 01/09/2014 08:46

Hello Babes,

I was on the Bus for a bit as anyonecangrowspinach, months ago - loved chatting to everyone, and found it really helpful.

I hopped off because I got pregnant (I've no problem not drinking when pregnant) but then had another miscarriage in the spring - my second, or my fourth if you count the chemical pregnancies.

The strain this has put on me, my DH and our relationship has been phenomenal, and my drinking has really ramped up. I can see it's getting out of control again. So I'm flagging down the Bus and asking to come aboard. I'm not going to have a drink tonight, for the first time in weeks. I know that without some help and without announcing my intentions, I won't be able to hold fast. So here I am!