The Brave Babes Battle Bus - In Search Of Sobriety, Sunshine & Survival!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse :)

Welcome to the thread, or our mythical Bus called Gerald!

There is room for everyone. Always

There is help for everyone who wants it. Always

There is unconditional support and kindness. Always

We have two sentences that we believe in here -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

No matter what it is that you drink, how much, how often, we've ALL been in your position at one point or another...... so most of us WILL know exactly what it's like to be YOU

If you'd like to read the last thread, it's below -

THIS IS THE PREVIOUS THREAD

And if you want to read a pretty sobering thread and the history behind these many, the reason why we are all here, fighting to stay/get sober is here -

FIRST EVER BRAVE BABES THREAD

Hope to see you soon :)

Mouse x

You lot are filthy, depraved and disgusting sexual reprobates!!!! No wonder I get on so well with you all.....

day 1 of super serious slimming world, gone well I guess. A world without booze or mini rolls, a dying relationship and a toddler who resembles a ferrel animal more than a child and the teenager from hell had caused me to cry 3 times today from pure unadulterated self pity.

Does anyone ever have "is this it?" moments, I feel very disconnected from my life or is it just self preservation!!!!

Thank god for you all, truly madly deeply xxxx

babyj sometimes you have to disconnect from life, otherwise you'd go mad right?

yeah I'm having an "is this it?" moment, back to work tomorrow, and as the dog pooed out his last little sand-poo (seriously, he ate half the beach) .... and thoughts of the boss, the colleagues and the unhelpful helpdesk that is our IT department start returning, the last little memories of the holiday have got rained away.

Was it all a dream? DH and DD fighting it out to the death today over a meaningless disagreement seems more real than last week.

Hi babes, struggling...
Does anyone have any stories or confessions about hiding addiction?
I have got to hear it from someone else so I can try to sort my thoughts out, huge jumble, think I've hidden it so long it seems normal

just babe. Lots of us have hidden our addiction. I was really talented at it. When I look back now it seems I was stuck in a crazy world. I also normalized it completely. Pretended to myself I just didn't want to cause trouble rather than just admitting I was/am an alcoholic.

Not many people are quite aware of how much I was drinking. I think many of us have done the 1 bottle of wine in the fridge that we are sipping away at 'normally' while having another one on the go hidden away that we secretly top up our glass. This was the way I could easily consume 1.5 to 2 bottles of wine each day. Then I had to hide the bottles and get rid of them in the morning. Often not remembering where they were hidden. Many nights I barely remembered going to bed. But I could still kind of hold it together so although I wasn't functioning on any reasonable level it was all still very hidden. I often went to bed early (because I knew on some level I was too pissed to carry on).

I used to drink a bottle of wine sometimes while I lay in the bath. That was easy to hide as I'd lock the door and have a long bath and then come out and open a bottle of wine for the evening. So no one ever knew about the second bottle of wine. Or sometimes not even the first. A bottle of wine on a Friday night seems acceptable so I could get away with that. But Mondays and Tuesdays were always my big problem. How to justify having a drink. As long as I was having a drink in the open then I could easily hide what was really going on.

no one here is going to judge you. Ever. xx

Love this bus load of loons

just I agree with soc here, I had all kinds of ways of topping up the glass because 'it didn't really count' or some such nonsense. Quite normal for those of us with a problem. I've heard some awesome denial stories in aa,which obvs I can't repeat but the teller was able to laugh at their behaviour- with time.

I think you should be proud that you've recognised that you're hiding booze/ drugs,that's starting to admit the problem and open up.

Personally,I find it quite funny now (over time) that we all hide these substances from our nearest and dearest but mostly we try and hide them from OURSELVES. Now how the bloody hell does that work? Honestly,owning up to hiding booze/drugs is very honest and show genuine progress.

One of my big ones was that wine which came from M&S didn't count because it was naice middle class wine,not y'know booze to guzzle. What an idiot.

just pick I think everyone on here has these stories. Its part of the process really. But realising this and facing up to it is another step forward. You are doing really well.
Day 2 here. Day 2 of a million day 2s but it means I have completed a day one already.
Waves to Babes

just oh my goodness I am so at my hidden secretive ways.

I always had several bottles of wine / spirits hidden somewhere so that I could be 'topping up' whatever I was visibly drinking. I started drinking during the day (while working from home) so I was already a bottle down before dp got home from work - I'd also have a bottle open for cooking (which would explain any smell of wine / alcohol) so in effect I was a bottle and a glass down by the time he got in. The poor man was bewildered on occasions by my sudden lurch from apparent sobriety into slurring or sleeping - all on what looked like 2 glasses of wine. And worried about my balance problems after I fell (staggered and collapsed) but he thought I'd had a G&T and one glass of wine

I also had a magic bottle of cooking rum (I knew he would never drink it) which I would drink in extremis (when I'd forgotten to get enough wine hidden) and then top up with water to the half full mark. And once when I drank most of a bottle of very good wine that he'd been keeping for a special occasion, I toped it up with water and added just the right mix of yellow food colouring so it looked like a full bottle of wine. Then I had to go on a hunt for a replacement bottle - living in a slight panic in case he deemed something a special occasion in the meantime.

My glasses of apple juice always had gin in them, and even late in the evening when I'd go to make my dp a cup of tea. I'd boil the kettle make tea for him, and make fruit tea for myself - except my mug had a fruit tea bag and cold water and gin or vodka or aforementioned cooking rum.

Honestly, I don't know who I thought I was kidding.

And like soc every nook and cranny was a potential hiding place for a hidden bottle of something, or for the empties. Even months after I'd stopped drinking I'd still find empty bottles in amidst my winter jumpers, or in the holiday luggage, or at the back of a drawer in my office.

It all took so much effort and planning. No wonder life feels calm now.

Thanks all.. Did you come clean? Did partners etc know all along?
Did you realise what you were doing?

Lol venus my dh was the same.. Some days I'd be completely hammered on apparently 2 glasses of wine.

No just i've never come clean. Don't really intend to other than to all of you on the bus and the rest of the world who lurks on here. But no one in real life. Not sure why though. Haven't thought about it too much.

Hi just I don't 'tell' people because normal drinkers don't really understand and because I made some dramatic anouncments early on which came back to bite me on the bum.

partners are sometimes just baffled by it all. My dh wanted me to cut down but it was only after a period of sobriety that it became clearer how much better life is when im not down a bottle + every night.

Don't worry about having big converstaions and explaining it to all and sundry. You need to put yourself first,be kind,rest as much as you can.
Keep posting on this bus of loons- you can talk as much as like here.

(sorry for spelling,can't find glasses)

No I haven't ever come clean except to people on here. I feel a bit ashamed about that and I admire those who have. Mostly I just said that I was drinking a bit much (wild understatement) and not really enjoying it, and if asked, I now say that "I don't drink much these days"

I used to go and stay with my dsis, drink a couple of glasses of wine over dinner with her family, then go to my room and drink a bottle of port. The family knew that I 'liked a drink' but I don't know what would be served by telling my dsis, except to make her worried that she hadn't ever noticed the late night port drinking.

With dp, I think that he would find it hard to trust me if he knew how much I'd lied to him and how secretive and deceitful I was, and how much risk I (and my dc) were in at times. So the true extent of my drinking remain a secret between me, my liver, and the babes on this bus. With hindsight, I think that I benefit more from remaining part of a stable family, rather than risking destabilising that by showing that my life and relationships had been a lie.

Also, to be honest, I have never been certain about 'never drinking again'. I felt that if I fessed up completely then dp would never let a sniff of a drink near our house ever again, and I know that I did (and still do) want to keep the option open. I was terrified in the early days that if someone else tried to control my drinking that I would rebel against that and go and get hammered (and tbh - any excuse would have done). In summary, I just wasn't certain that I could do it, and I wanted the escape route to remain open

that was a very honest post venus and actually very insightful to know that you could still rebel and to be aware of that and thus take steps to protect yourself

Snogging and Skittles? There was me thinking I was leading a Rock 'n Roll life last with my takeaway pizza and bottle of Lilt! Damn, I'm always late to the party!

just my DP is a drinker as well so I had no issues having to hide anything there, so half the battle was won. The Dcs were a different matter - I'd try as many times as possible to wait until they'd gone upstairs to bed or as they got older, on their gadgets in their rooms, then start (making sure to bin each tin after I'd drank it, which didn't take long (was rarely classy enough to drink lager out of a glass If I'd started on the wine first, the bottle(s) lived in the fridge so I'd just top up as required. DD1 started to cotton on in a roundabout way but thought I was a lightweight-drinker, because she'd say "your eyes always go slitty after only 2 glasses of wine!"

If the DC had friends round it used to drive me mad, so I'd often take hearty swags in the kitchen then wander into the front room with a cup of tea. Or have a stash of empties down the side of the sofa.

My secretive behaviour started the morning after, when I'd hide the majority of the empties in the wheelie bin (then would cover them with general rubbish) so my mum and neighbours wouldn't see the carnage on recycling day. Although I made sure I had some empties in the recycling in order to look like a normal drinker. Which is ironic as there's nowt remotely normal about the almost nightly circus my life had become!

Life's now a lot simpler despite the awful bastard cravings drinking fizzy pop or soda water of an evening

Had more horrible dreams last night, still struggling to even get off to sleep but fingers crossed I'll be on the home run to blissful sleep soon!

Waves to all the brave and fabulous babes

in my short foray(so far) into AF mode the best thing (apart from the lack of a hangover) was the lack of having to worry that someone would find my empties I cleared out all the old bottles from my wardrobe and from down the side of the sofa so now have no worries about explaining them if found. I no longer gather them up on a morning after DH hs gone to work and stuff them in the recycling under a pile of paper and plastic living with the worry that on bin day he might notice. At my worst I had a bottle of vodka on the go for weeks, only it was regularly topped up with a supermarket cheapie bottle whenever it got half down. DH assumed it was the same bottle as he never saw me drink vodka (easy to disguise) except at xmas. I still can't believe he did not realise I was generally half pissed! he too seemed to think I just got very drunk on a couple of glasses, never knowing that it was topped up everytime he went to the loo. So just if you are doing the same you are / were not alone.

lynn it's only ma that's doing the snogging (although clearly wry can't be trusted round dogs or horses), the rest of us are just watching in admiration/envy/horror

Hello sorry to intrude I just wanted to pop in and say Hi. I used to post on this thread when it first started, and believe it is what helped me to kick alcohol into touch once and for all. I have been alcohol free for, hang on, 5 years? i think. I can't tell you how much my life has changed for the better. I rarely give booze a second thought these days, it has as much relavence to me and my life as hang gliding or Yaks milk (sorry about that). I realise none of you will know or remembber me, but please never give up giving up. You are worth so much more than alcohol can ever offer you. X

missperrier thanks for coming back to show us it can be done, what an inspiration

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if there is a spare seat for me? I've been on and off the bus a few times under different names. Used to live in South Africa and went through a kind of tough time with DH and me drinking too much.

Today I've started management of the booze again. It's not been that bad but just realised I'm back onto weekend lunchtime drinking, and also having the odd glass of wine (that means over half a bottle) every night of the week - despite resolving to go weekdays free.

So, I'm back - won't post much but good to see the Brave Babes are all still here and fighting fit. I'm also supposed to be running and doing a half marathon in about 7 weeks time but at the moment haven't a hope in hell of motivating myself.

Am hiding upstairs, held hostage by hormonal 12 year old DD. Work was as bad as expected and I am desperate for wine. I don't even have any chocolate!

I'm going to stay here until she's old enough to leave home.

I really should check my posts before hitting send - the DC's friends didn't drive me mad to the point of drinking not much anyway but it would frustrate me that I couldn't get stuck in to the drink until they'd buggered off home, which being teens, isn't always at a sensible time

MissP I certainly remember you, I am so impressed at your 5 years sober, a huge well done to you, you're an inspiration x

perditamcleodfor2014 I also remember you, too! I can recall what a hard time you were having, I hope you're doing OK x

Hello lovely babes!

I'm home, had an extra day down the road, just chillin, nae shenanigans

ma I thoroughly recommend the horse box. I slept like a baby, and dreamt of all sorts. I fair could have gone a wee roll in the hay...

I've been sticking to my diet, hours of walking up hill and down dale have put roses in my cheeks, (face cheeks) and I have found sleep. Lovely all night, wake when the alarm goes off, pure, restful sleep.

It's a revelation. I dodged the Pimms tent, the prosecco tent and the bruadar tent. I didn't have a drop. I did have a pork pie but reckon I walked that off on cross country day.

I am a sex free zone (much to my disappointment) and alcohol free. Failed on the fat free. Arse.

Xx

Can I be a lazy mare and not NC today, I have caught up though... xx

Welcome back to missp and perdita
Well day 2 done. Actually managed to break into a jog during my walk tonight but only for a couple of minutes and the wobblage was awful.another day of low carbs, no alcohol and no distracted chap. sigh snot much fun.