DP's spooning at night drives me up the wall!

[pavilionredsquare]

Have had quite a big row with my DP this morning because of his "need" to snuggle and spoon either when I'm just about to drift off to sleep or whilst I am asleep drives me absolutely mad!

I quite like having a cuddle in bed before falling asleep but I can't fall asleep while "attached" to someone else ifywim. So I'll cuddle with DP, then announce that I want to go to sleep, turn over etc.

He on the other hand, loves falling asleep in each other's arms. Quite often after I've turned over having told him I am going to sleep he will start spooning me and it is really doing my head in. I get so grumpy when I'm tired and just can't sleep if he is cuddling me.

Last night he kept trying to cuddle me and I got quite cross as I was shattered and just wanted to sleep. He got all offended and said that had never met anyone with such an aversion to cuddling. I had also woken up in the middle of the night with him cuddling and also talking to me which he denied when I told him this morning.

In every other respect we have a good relationship. There is no lack of affection -we hold hands, massage each other's feet in front of the tv, kiss, cuddle, sex life is good.

AIBU?

No. I can't stand this either.

I am so with you on this! I really really really hate being smothered and baked when all I want to do is stretch out in cool sheets and touch nothing.

DH has taken the hint now and he realises that there is a time for cuddles and a time for sleep and when one is close the other has to stop. He's fine with it as long as he gets a decent amount of cuddle time first.

You need to sit him down away from bedtime and just say that you love cuddles and you love sleep and you really need to separate the two and its nothing to do with not wanting to be close its just that you can't sleep if he doesn't back off after cuddling time.

I wonder if his mother had problems getting him to settle by himself as a baby. My DS might turn out like this as he still has his comfort blanket (he's 10).

Im the other way round. I loves a cuddle.

Hug and roll

Yep, he's clearly never watched "Friends".

Luckily DH and I agree on this. Although cuddling to sleep sounds nice it is hot and impossible.

You need to tell him when it's not bed time though. I can imagine feeling quite rejected if someone didn't want a cuddle. Also when you're not tired and pissed off. Do it when you're being nice to him in some other way. (Not that kind of nice).

I like spooning my partner love snuggling up to him. For ten minutes. I also can't sleep attached to someone.

I agree with you.

How would he react to being spooned so you have more freedom and he still has contact?

What I find most annoying is that I have had "the chat" about spooning and cuddling before sleep time sooooo many times with DP that it just pisses the shit out of me that he still does it. It actually makes me quite livid!

I bought a super king bed, solved all problems

It has got to a point where I actually dread going to bed with him because I know that he will not leave me alone.

Give him a pillow to hold?

What worries me here is his refusal to accept your request, being offended and comparing you with other people.

I don't mind cuddling to sleep, but the other person has to be absolutely still for me to be able to fall asleep.

He should respect your wishes.

During the night might be involuntary, but it could easily discouraged with a regular elbow to the ribs.

Assess very carefully if he is this dismissive of your feelings in other areas. I suspect he is, but you haven't noticed it yet.

Same here my dh actually takes offence because I don't cuddle him in my sleep.

Back off! I like my space.

Can't stand this either. I need my own space! I do sleep on my stomach so it makes cuddling/spooning more difficult!

I've had this too. The guy kept doing it and said I had emotional attachment issues. He turned out to be. Controlling narcissist. Not to say your partner is as well but that's what happened in my case
The guy kept on doing it and doing it, not respecting my wishes.

*turned out to be a controlling narcissist

I got the impression that he couldn't get to sleep so was trying to get me to be awake too. He was deliberately tossing and turning and muttering to himself and being disproportionately noisy getting out of bed to go the bathroom.

I don't see that the cuddling/spooning is the issue so much as he is COMPLETELY IGNORING YOU!

You are telling him very clearly that you don't like it, don't want it, it messes with your sleep etc, and still he persists in ignoring you and your feelings and doing exactly what he wants. And now you dread going to bed!!

To me, this is a big deal. I'm not surprised at all you are livid - he is letting you know very clearly that your feelings don't matter.

What are you going to do? Do you live together?

Oooh I don't like this either.. One of the things I'm happy I have my own bedroom.

I used to though when he got in position to cuddle I would tell him to turn around and I'll cuddle him. Which I did for a few minutes and do the . slow inching backing away thing.

Can't be doing with that breathing on me thing, it's not a nice sensation.

I love snuggling up but find it very difficult to sleep if I'm too hot, so in the summer we usually snuggle for a bit and then I move away. I'll often hold his hand though. That way he gets the snuggle element and I get my comfortability. Would that work for you?

Winter is our all-night snuggle time

Oh oops I only read the OP.

If he's deliberately ignoring you then that's an issue.