Dating a widower is not easy, especially one who is still grieving. I know this, because I am one. You end up having a parallel life with your wife and your new partner and the hard things to do is learn to balance the two.
Some days you are happy and then, without any rhyme or reason you dip into the depths of despair. Just this morning I was cleaning the kitchen cupboards and I saw something in there to clean my wife's jewellery - and yes, seeing that was enough to make me stop a moment to wipe a tear away.
I have no doubt that there will be many days like this for him - your call is to decide if you can handle the emotion and grief that comes from him. My new partner and me, well, we had some frank and direct conversations about boundaries and at times there are things I just have to keep to myself and handle alone. It has not been easy and even now, two years later, it's still a work in progress and doubts, uncertainty and insecurities from both sides still show.
Do you want to be with this man? I mean really, do you?
Be careful which advice you give weight to and what I mean by this is,
It's very easy to sit on the outside looking in and then say 'well, you wouldn't accept this 'treatment' from anyone else, so why accept it from him?'. Statements like this are not helpful. In fact, if anything they demonstrate that those saying it have no idea of the dynamics involved in getting life back on track after loss. Instead of going down that comparison route, instead, take a step back, have a think about how you see your future and that's you, him and you as a couple.
It's not easy, for either of you. Only you know if you can or want to do this and also, if he wants to make the same. If he does and you do, then what in itself becomes a step forwards and you can make a strategy for going forwards from there.
What ever you do, don't feel guilty. Stay because you want to, or go because you need to. Either way, be clear of your reasons.