Anyone awake? Another break up thread...

[Smashedup]

Me and DP have had a rough few weeks. Basically I'm an idiot because I didn't tell the truth about being able to afford a holiday until the last minute and now he can't believe I lied for so long.

Yesterday things all came to a head, he broke up with me saying he didn't love me or want to be with me. Too much has happened between us and that he's just switched and doesn't care about me anymore. He actually was just going to leave me in pieces upset to go out last night but I begged him not to and he stayed in.

I've tried everything last night, crying, begging, pleading with him not to leave. Promising I will change, I shouldn't have lied, just for one more chance and for him not to move out. There isn't anything that works. He changed his Facebook picture to one not of us (childish to do it at this point I think) and said it made him feel better.

I do of course know the saying to let them go, I just have no idea what to do I'm scared if I just leave him he will never come back, I love him so bloody much. I'm well aware I can't force him to feel something but I just want him to see. He's said stuff like this before and then changed his mind once he calms down but I feel I've just pushed him away so much that I've lost him forever.

I've been awake most of the night upset, we've slept in the same bed and when I was crying he cuddled me and softened a bit. As soon as he realised he was he stopped himself. Totally know I sound like a right loser here as this is my doing but I'm in bits. Writing it down is making me feel a bit better

Then take control and you move out.
And... OH MY - he has done a number on you love!
It's not you - IT'S HIM!!!
Stop listening to his voice and his lies and his put downs.
Get out and get out fast.
Stop waiting for the breadcrumbs he's going to throw.

Seriously, if you want to keep him the only way is to call his bluff.
Move out, then see how quickly he comes grovelling back.

Why the heck you would want such a prick in your life is absolutely beyond everyone on this thread but there you go!

I do believe I'm at fault and he's put up with a lot from me and my behaviour.

So do you feel you somehow deserve this misery? Being in a relationship is a kind of punishment for your behaviour?

Being up in the air is awful

Yet you have consistently refused to deal with this.

Honestly, I can see how much of a negative light I've painted him in and I do truly believe it's my fault.

At the start, we spent all weekend together at his parents - when we moved out I just stopped seeing them, maybe once a fortnight and even then I just didn't want to be there. I had him to myself so I didn't see a need to try anymore with his family! At Christmas. We had a night out with his sister and her two friends, I was miserable all night because I didn't even want to go out, I simply made no effort.
I complained whenever he was later back than he said he'd be, when he stayed at the pub rather than coming home, playing sport a few nights a week. I really was incredibly controlling, I couldn't stand it if I was told a time and he was back after it I would be in such a rage!

I have pushed him away completely no matter what it looks like now, he says his heart has disintegrated over time and doesn't know if he can get that back or what will happen. I'm truly in the wrong, I've been a terrible girlfriend for such a long time it's just caught up with me.

When I read the threads about EA relationships I always think that that is me! I'm the one who goes mad and shouts and stays silent for hours.

Being back when you say you will is just 'good manners' and 'respectful'
Why are you still excusing him?

IF you really believe you are such a bad girlfriend then set him free.
Pack you stuff now and leave.

So you weren't honest about your financial situation because you were worried about letting him down. Okay, disappointing for him and I can see why he'd be annoyed but it's hardly the crime of the century. I'm sure you have realised now it's always better just to be honest from the start and would do this from now on. By withdrawing himself from you emotionally for so long he seems a very cold and quite immature person and needs to grow up a bit. Either he gets over it or he doesn't, it's his choice. Don't let him 'punish' you like this, you are not a child and frankly he is behaving like one. Tell him to either get over it and you can both move on, but giving you the silent cold treatment indefinitely is getting on your tits and you aren't putting up with it anymore. Be tough. Do not set a precedent in your relationship where he always has the upper hand.

I really am just fed up of it all!

We went out last night to a local quiz night together and it all seemed like we were getting on. Then he decided we should go to the beach for old times sake 'this is what we used to do a year ago when we had nowhere else to go' we got there and he spent the whole time staring at other cars driving about.

Then we talked, he said he didn't know if he could ever get over me lying about the holiday to him, that all the things I've done before have just hurt him a lot and now he doesn't know if he can recover from that. He's trying to feel something but isn't. Then goes on to talk about us in present tense, won't have me anywhere near him at all.

Today went out early for a run and now I called him at lunch and he was very rude and to the point. Said I'm going as I'm not being spoken to like that. He still texts during the day about random stuff but he's just so cold. Says we are like two people who live in the same house and he doesn't know who I am anymore

Honestly OP? This sounds like a relationship that 2 teenagers might have, if its not amazing at the start where you think the sun shines out of your partner how are you going to cope when you have kids, debts, illness, bereavements and all the myriad of difficulties life throws at you later on?

It doesn't seem like you are even reading the numerous posts with really sound advice.

When you are really really really fed up with this punishment you'll deal with it appropriately by withdrawing your permission for it to continue.

Because currently this guy has your full permission to be as rude and awful as he deems fit. You, being such a sinner and all have given him this power. For now. There will come a time, a word, a deed when you'll say NO.

Yes you sound like you were a total pain in the arse and he should have dumped you ages ago. You've both now created a very toxic dynamic and I don't think you can come back from it. You're not listening though, so this is set to run and run and run ........ X

That X shouldn't be there

OP. For God's sake get out NOW. You are not the evil person you think you are, this man has done a number on you. I know because I've been there. There is so much about the way this man acts that is so familiar to me. Especially how you now view yourself.

My situation ended up with him beating me up (pretty badly, knocked a tooth loose, two black eyes, broken nose, swollen face, bruises everywhere etc) and also stabbing me in my arm AND I STILL TRIED TO MAKE IT WORK, because he'd convinced me I was the one in the wrong.

For your own self worth, get the hell out NOW.

Said I'm going as I'm not being spoken to like that
Then for the love of god, go!!!!!
Go properly.
Leave and let him get on with it.
Get yourself some counselling.
Find yourself.
You are NOT defined by a man FFS!
This is like pulling teeth!

Ok
Ready
Steady
Go!!!

How do you put up with it?

You're a fool to yourself, I'm afraid. You can't keep complaining about the way he's treating you, and continue to be such a doormat.

For the love of God, just end it. This isn't a relationship.

The hills are that way >>>>>>

Run.