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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I in the wrong or is he when it comes to blow jobs?

162 replies

topofthetree · 20/07/2014 05:28

I have tried many times to give him a blow job, but it just never happenes i get so discussed with the thought that i almost throw up. I have no idea why its to the point that i hate even thinking about giving him one. I feel really bad because he would rather have those then sex it seems like. He really gets upset when we come to this topic. our fights get completely out of preportion and i feel like he doesn't even care how i feel. Am I in the wrong or is he

OP posts:

nooka · 20/07/2014 20:02

Why are anal sex and oral sex leagues apart? They are both relatively common non PIV sexual practices that many people enjoy.

Also not sure why not liking oral means you only do PIV. I don't like oral and we do plenty of other things. My sex life might not be to your taste, but that doesn't mean it doesn't satisfy me.

nooka · 20/07/2014 20:04

Oh and I am happy with both my body and my partner (and vice versa) could be doing it all wrong I suppose, never had any lessons in sex after all.

neiljames77 · 20/07/2014 20:05

It was option A. She found it invasive and felt uncomfortable having someone so up close and personal. It's a lot more common than I was led to believe.

FatalCabbage · 20/07/2014 20:09

I don't enjoy receiving unless I'm stupidly, off the scale horny (and not much then). No substitute for PIV IMHO.

I don't enjoy giving because, well, essentially I was repeatedly orally raped. I have PTSD and don't need the exposure. It is very rare I can bear to have a penis anywhere near my face.

Telling me my very loving and supportive DH is secretly desperate for a BJ and really ought not to put up with my steadfast refusal ... is a fairly big insult.

lasslancashire · 20/07/2014 20:18

Telling me my very loving and supportive DH is secretly desperate for a BJ and really ought not to put up with my steadfast refusal ... is a fairly big insult

Well I am sure you are happy in your relationship and what some stranger on the internet says won't make a difference. I have got the intention to offend or upset anyone. Your situation is hardly the norm. I feel like your just looking for something to have a problem with.

My DP knows not to pull my hair because it happened to me when I was raped and brings me right back to the time/feeling. He may still have the desire to do so (he must like it as he initiated it that time) but wouldn't dream of doing it because of what happened to me. The same way your DP would not dream of asking for a BJ, he may still desire one but it is obvious it won't (and shouldn't) happen.

lasslancashire · 20/07/2014 20:22

Sorry: haven't got the intention to offend or upset*

rockpink · 20/07/2014 20:25

Can someone tell me what PIV is please?

Vivacia · 20/07/2014 20:29

Basically the OP asked if she was wrong to refuse to take part in a sexual act she didn't want to do. Your opinion is "yes". Can we just leave it there?

(And hope that the OP takes a message from those of us reassuring her otherwise).

AnyFucker · 20/07/2014 20:30

PIV= penis in vagine

OP, any sentence to do with sex that starts with "if you loved me you would..." is (or should be) a dealbreaker.

lasslancashire · 20/07/2014 20:35

Your DP sounds immature and uncaring, even bordering on bullying behaviour. I don't think you can ever be comfortable with someone who treats you like that.

Is what I said to OP. Far, far away from saying 'yes you are wrong to not give you bully of BF a bj'

And yes I can just leave it there, can you? Somethings clearly upsetting you. You don't want to give your man a bj thats fine get on with it, I never said you or anyone else had to no matter how much you want to misquote me.

rainbowsmiles · 20/07/2014 21:07

It sounds as though you are making your bj aversion worse with all this pressure. Why not just forget about it for a while and try and think positive thoughts about the whole bj thing. I'm not a big fan of the "get down on your knees bitch" type bj but as part of an intensely intimate sexual experience it can be amazing.

But if you don't want to then definitely do not do it. Unless he's a sicko he will not enjoy you giving him a bj if it is disgusting you.

similarly I think he is perfectly entitled to end the relationship if he feels he can't live without a blowy.

Vivacia · 20/07/2014 21:15

It sounds as though you are making your bj aversion worse with all this pressure. Why not just forget about it for a while and try and think positive thoughts about the whole bj thing.

Do you think there are any clues, any at all, in her posts as to why that's not happening?

Scarletohello · 20/07/2014 21:26

I am curious as to what the reasons are why the OP doesn't like giving bjs. If it's because of previous sexual abuse then I can totally understand it. Otherwise I'm at a bit of a loss. However no one should be forced to do something they're not comfortable with and the guy's reaction is selfish and insensitive.

I'll probably get flamed for this but a guy I know has a theory that unless you're willing to lick your partner's arsehole you're not really into them. Maybe TMI but I do know what he meant..! :)

AnyFucker · 20/07/2014 21:29

Scarlet, that is a ridiculous measure of how much you think of someone.

AnyFucker · 20/07/2014 21:30

Your friend also sounds like a sexually coercive creep. I am surprised at you.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 20/07/2014 21:43

I've never been willing to lick anyone's arsehole. Obviously I've never really been into anyone

neiljames77 · 20/07/2014 21:48

Scarletohello - Did he mean sexual partner or partner as in Marks and Spencer, Rolls and Royce or Holland and Barratt etc?

Scarletohello · 20/07/2014 21:50

Sexual partner obvs!

Scarletohello · 20/07/2014 21:51

Anyfucker but haven't you ever had that experience when you're so into someone sexually when you just kinda want to eat them all up..?

itwillgetbettersoon · 20/07/2014 21:56

That is rubbish Scarlet.

AnyFucker · 20/07/2014 21:58

Scarlet, no not really

and if anyone said that to me I would run a fucking mile

I lick no one's arsehole (or anything else) unless I 100% want to, your friend is sayign that if you are really into someone you would whether you really wanted to or not

have a think about that

AnyFucker · 20/07/2014 22:02

I don't want anyone to "eat me all up"

that sounds crazily possessive, like I am a fucking jam do-nut or summat

next time you want to "eat someone all up" get the fuck down to Gregg's

neiljames77 · 20/07/2014 22:11

Nah, it's not that AF. She means the wild, uncontrollable stuff. As long as there's no manipulation or threats I don't see a problem.

AnyFucker · 20/07/2014 22:13

You don't see any manipulation in the phrase "if you don't lick my arsehole/give me a blowjob/cunni my lingus until I tell you to stop etc then you don't love me" ?

ScrambledEggAndToast · 20/07/2014 22:14

Would you feel any better if he had just had a shower? The thought of a sweaty willy make me a bit. If you know it's nice and fresh then you may feel better. Overall though, never feel pressured into doing something you don't like doing.

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