DRY 5

[allhailqueenmab]

Starting this before the old one gets filled up!
this is the thread for the alcohol free.
Join us!

Really need to stop putting down my tablet and doing other stuff before finish typing, always missing posts. In my defence it was potty training dd that distracted me. Wee minger just peed and was licking it being a 'doggy' two year olds are gross

One more reason Im not a cat person.

eggshells yep - there is another sober blogger, who bought one of those small bottles of wine, you know, one glass - and has it on the side in her kitchen as a deterrent because she knows that would never be enough. It would have been two bottles for me too - plus some can's of something, rtd g&t's or cider on top

Welcome Elfina - well done for coming over to the dark side

Your saying that you hid the bottle from your DH reminded me of Mrs D and I wondered if it might help if you read her blog. (She is a sober blogger of some 3 yrs sobriety.) Her hiding a bottle of wine from her husband was exactly the moment she decided to stop. Here's the link to her site, Living Sober

There's so much support online. Look at Soberistas, download some books which will really reframe what you think about drinking and make you realise that all those things we have been trained by society to think alcohol does for us are BOLLOCKS. Ahem.

You can do it. You can. One step at a time. Don't think about forever. Be kind to yourself today.

PS What I did when I decided I wanted to stop was book into an Allen Carr stop drinking workshop, and the next one was two weeks away from the point I booked it. I felt as though for me I needed a proper 'thing' to help me draw a line under my drinking. It worked for me, I found it really helpful.

Teapot I agree and Elfina's post reminded me of Mrs D too. Bollocks is a good word
Shameless plug alert I've just launched an online course that is a lot less expensive than the Allen Carr day which you can find here:
ahangoverfreelife.com/2014/11/20/guest-post-mumsnet-udemy-course-launch/ :D

Lucy - I saw that earlier on Soberistas and was so impressed. Well bloody done. Such a great idea. I also noticed that 222 people have signed up - amazing work! Be proud of yourself :)

Hi all. Yup - 2 bottles for me too. That was my 'safe amount' in that I felt 'safe' if I knew I could get my hands on that much.

Welcome Elfina and lovely to have you with us. Agree with everything the others have said. I agree it is really grim when you have to face up to the fact you are lying about drinking and hiding bottles. I crossed that line a good few years before I stopped, unfortunately. They were hidden everywhere; I got very good at it. And I used to take them out separately and put them in public bins in the street so DH didn't see how many bottles there were in the recycling (he does the bins). Just. Pathetic. But that is where it takes us.

Life on the other side is immeasurably better, I can promise you that. We have friends coming round for Sunday lunch shortly. DH has already opened some nice bottles of red wine, but I just ignore the whole thing. Yes, there is a tiny pang - of course. But I know full well I would never be able to have a single glass. And the effort of trying not to overdo it would be all-consuming and leave me no mental space to have a normal conversation if that makes sense.

Another one that gets woken up by cats here!! Sleep with ours in shameless fashion. They prod me v. gently in the cheek when they decide it's time to get up!

Oh - and re the Q about whether it's a physical or mental addiction? My view is - I don't know but so what? Does it really matter? The point is, we can't control our drinking so need to be abstinent. End of. I am a real analyser of stuff normally, but on this one I think it can be a slight waste of energy and detract from the key focus which needs to be staying away from a drink a day at a time.

Thank tou so much for the welcome.

Definitely need one day at a time. I'm fine on Sundays and Mondays...it's Tuesday onwards that I start getting the craving.

I will have a good look at the blogs and will read through, here.

Can anyone recommended any useful books? There's a lot out there! I'm not "falling over in the gutter, drunk" (though I have been before DD). I will drink a bottle and a half, no problem and feel a bit tipsy. Sometimes I'm rarely properly hungover, but feel grim the next day, which sets me up for drinking the next evening. The shame is killing me.

That's exactly it Also isn't it? The options available to normal drinkers in that situation are:

1. Drink alcohol in a normal fashion, having made the choice to do so; or
2. Decide not to drink.

Both options probably don't leave the normal drinker feeling anxious, or obsessing in any way.

For me the options would be:

1. Think I want a drink, decide to have one.... and then either -
   a - manage to drink moderately but spend the whole time concentrating VERY HARD on achieving that, or
   b - think 'fuck it' and get pissed, potentially making a fool of myself and waking up feeling like shit the next day; or

2. Decide not to drink, and have a thoroughly stress free time where I can concentrate on conversation, serving food that has been thoughtfully prepared and not fucked up at the last minute because I'm a bit squiffy!

The only decent option in my case is to not drink, whereas the normal drinker has two decent options. It is what it is! :)

Thank you Teapot :) Early days but it seems to have been well received so far. It will grow as feedback, both positive and negative, comes in but I am excited! I SO wanted to find a way to support people in a less expensive way and that didn't necessarily need them to go anywhere. That said I'm sure the Allen Carr day is very good but the price was a barrier to entry as was childcare to get there. Hopefully my course offers a solution to those two issues.
Also I do agree about the 'so what?' but I needed to understand to help me accept
Elfina there are loads of books - here's some of the one's I've read ahangoverfreelife.com/2014/01/26/preparation/ :)

Yes price is a barrier (although to me, in a way, it made me want to do it because I'd paid the money).

The one thing about it I like is that once you're in the door, you know you'll stay till the end, and once you stay to the end, everyone's shaking hands with the coach who is congratulating you on now being a non-drinker. Somehow I knew once I'd had the impulse to click 'buy' on his website, I could see myself being one of those people committed to stopping because I'd finished the day.

Not sure if any of that makes sense. I bought his book over 10 yrs ago but just never got round to finishing it because I knew then I'd have to stop. I am a VERY bad procrastinator!

Ah - interesting insight Teapot. Thank you :) The idea is percolating in my head about turning the online course into a course day as there is enough material for sure, but I want to see how this goes first. I stopped after reading his book. Each of us is different and for some the Allen Carr day will be the right solution and for others I'm hoping that my online course (with one-on-one support option available) will be their solution. It doesn't matter how we stop, as long as we do, if that's what we want ....

I wish you would Lucy... I think it's a shame that the AC day is the only thing (that I came across, anyway...) like it - I couldn't see that Jason Vale offers similar. I think if he did it would be even more successful. I think the AC brand is terrible at marketing itself, and the course/venue/coach all feels very dated. They are missing a massive trick - people go because that method does WORK, but almost despite itself, if that makes sense.

Thank you Teapot much food for thought :)

I'm sat reading through the recommended blogs, and whilst they're brilliant, a part of me is thinking "mmm...wine". It's not supposed to have that effect, is it

Hey I'm gum sober nearly 5 years and out of nowhere having a bad few weeks. Feel flat, very prone to low mood, is this why I drank?

Now been sober longer then
problematically drank but feel mehhhh and desperately want to change the way I feel!!

Love to all xxxx

Lucy - totally get you needing to really understand the nature of addiction to accept it. Just found that I was driving myself round and round in circles about what had 'caused' it/ whether it was genetic etc. Sunday lunch over. Friends who were over drank do modestly. Who ARE these freaks?!

Hi All

Hope you've all had a good Sunday, and for everyone who's just made it through their first hangover free weekend, well done!

I so relate to the feeling of never being calm or relaxed about having 'just one'. So so much easier in fact to have none! I was always trying to prove to myself I could be a 'normal' drinker, and either giving in and drinking 3 times as much as I'd promised myself and feeling The Shame, or spending the whole night mentally fighting with myself to stick to one. Exhausting.

I'm sooooooo glad I stopped and sooooooo grateful for threads like this which help enormously.

Hi Elfina I read the books by Veronica Valli, Allen Carr, Jason Vale and Lucy Rocca. I found them all useful in different ways, and in particular they helped to channel my obsessive thinking about drinking of the early days into something positive.

Lucy as someone who spent the first 4 or 5 weeks alcohol free hoovering up online resources like a remora I think your course sounds like a great plan. Hope you like Mr Turner, we saw it last week. Very grunty! Are you and your DH going to loads more movies now? We are, funny how we have more time to do that on date nights now we don't automatically think going out = for a drink.

Broken and Flamingo I always used to kid myself I was buying 2 bottles because that's how the supermarket special offers worked, you know, 8.99 for 1 but 2 for 12, oh you'd be a foooool just to buy one, eh?

Biggles you're so right about the snapping at the kids thing. It feels so much better being able to deal with a T-Rex in the face at 6.30 am when you're not peeling your furry tongue off the roof of your mouth or thinking 'oh god oh god oh god why did I do that again' on constant repeat.

And I'm even more glad I'll never have to deal with a hangover poonami nappy again!

I just realised that and it has given me a face splitting grin. Night everyone!

Hiya Gum

Elfina I am exactly the same with the blogs which is why I don't read them much. The books sydney has mentioned are good though and didn't strike off any cravings.

Going out for a day with dm and aunt this week. I know there's going to be lots of wine involved after the shopping as they want to get the train rather than drive and dad has offered to take the dc. Love spending time with them but really not looking forward to it as they can put it away rightly and the last thing I want to be doing is sitting in a bar watching them drink. The temptation would be torture, having pangs with the mere thought of it. This gets easier right?

Have signed up to a mud run obstacle course next year with a couple of people. Can't wait. Acting like a big kid is right up my street and will give me a much needed kick up the bum to get back to training again. Excited!

loads on here to read, haven't posted lately, but keeping up.Welcome newbies, those that took a drink, dust yourself down, keep remembering how bad it got, one day at a time.
Trigger times...mine used to be about 5pm week nights and Saturday afternoon, I would take a bath and wash my hair because I knew I wouldn't be tempted to go buy booze with wet hair, daft but it worked

Still working in the bar, alcohol not an issue, loads of opportunities to neck a crafty one but resolve too strong. As most of you know I'm an AAer and my step 1, my life is unmanageable if I take a drink, l am powerless over alcohol is rock solid thank goodness.
The only issue I have is that people there want to be friends.Sounds daft l know, but don't want to socialise with drinkers.Funny moment working at the weekend, watched the barmaid l was working with get steadily pissed and her boyfriend until they had a stand up row in the bar, egged on by drunk regulars, then they wanted to know why l didn't drink. Ha, rewind the last couple of hours and watch yourselves was what l wanted to say, but my response was as always I just don't want too Also had a comedian on last weekend doing alcoholic jokes, tosser.
All good fun.
Gonna have a look at your mumsnet thread when I get chance Lucy.Was thinking of Biggles and her mum with Christmas coming up.Stressful for you l should think chick, chin up
Stay strong everyone, sobrierty and serenity go hand in hand.Keep your gratitude in your head for the better life YOU have achieved, and have a lime and soda on me

Lovely post stayingdry thank you.

I still don't know how you do it working in a bar! It's not so much that I think I'd end up drinking, it's just the sheer irony of it all!

Thank you for thinking of me, yes it will be hell . It is just assumed we will have her, we have for the past 16 years and yes, she will moan and pretend to like her presents and ask for the receipts 'in case', the moan all of January because she 'can't get into town to change them'

Then we will get ''It's 23 years since your sister had me for Christmas oh she is so unkaindd...' etc.

The lunch will be 'Very naice, you don't know how lucky you are having such a wonderful husband, I can't believe he hasn't left you yet. Still, there's taime'

Then she will be shhhh-ing the children for Coronation Street and Downton 'Oh I do love Downton, but I don't maindddd missing it, '.
DH will get pissed, I won't and it will all be as miserable as it always is!

The alternative however (leaving her out) would just be hell though :(

Sydney Thanks for support of the course. Mr Turner was indeed very 'grunty' but excellent. The cinema is our favourite way to spend a date night and went for dinner at Bill's first where I had the most delicious pink lemonade if you're looking for something treaty and AF for Xmas time :)
eggshells that sounds a lovely but tough day but yes it does get easier!
stayingdry I do admire you working in a bar and must be fascinating!
Biggles will be thinking happy gratitude thoughts for you at Xmas. By the sounds of it my DM's is no better, which is why we haven't seen each other for 3 years. For me that's bliss

Hi everyone. Just to say I'm
lurking and trying to keep up. Loving that we have lots of new joiners. Your blog must have touched lots of people Lucy. I must check out your course.
I'm back from my first sober girls weekend away. It was actually very doable and Lucy's point about feeling like a rebel stayed with me - and was very helpful! The friday was low-key and even the saturday was very good fun. Dancing and people watching kept me entertained. It's helped me with the thought of Xmas too.
Biggles - your Mum sounds like a right misery. Very tough for you.
I too will have to endure a pissed husband. But hey ho!

Hey Haggis
Glad to hear you had a great week-end with your friends irrespective of what was in your glass :) Glad it's made Xmas more doable in your head too.
See you soon