DRY 5

[allhailqueenmab]

Starting this before the old one gets filled up!
this is the thread for the alcohol free.
Join us!

Cross post oneofus. Happy to be a support buddy

I am a single parent but XH used to drink a lot at home. Maybe 10 cans of stella a night. Totally normalised it - "I'm fine and I get up for work at half five every morning." which he did but clearly it was not fine and it normalised my drinking even though it was less.

So yes, I reckon your DH will be resentful of you quitting alcohol. It will highlight his addictive behaviour, whatever that is. I can't remember where I read somewhere that most men regard a woman saying she is going to give up booze/lose weight/exercise more as a Declaration Of War. It might make him huddle back into his comfort zone for a bit, but maybe once he sees that you are succeeding and that making changes is scary but not actually hard, he will join in with the self improvement?

A friend of mine who wanted to lose weight met with all kinds of resistance from her DH but he suddenly got on board and became far more zealous than her and lost more weight which really pissed her off.

I dunno what to suggest. Maybe one day at a time? I will not drink today?

Welcome Leftie

That's a difficult situation with your dh Biggles and I've no advice. I find being around people who are drinking when I'm sober tedious and boring. I think that when you stop drinking you become hyper aware of how much other people drink and how it affects them? On the other hand it makes drinkers a bit uncomfortable as it puts their own drinking under the spotlight.

I did speak to dp about my drinking on Friday. Didn't really go into the details, just that I was going to speak to someone about it as I did drink for the wrong reasons. To oblivion to forget how miserable I am and it's something I need to address before it gets worse. He was very understanding and gave off to me for not saying sooner as he wouldn't have been asking me all the time when we're out to dinner if I wanted wine.

Went to AA yesterday too. Was so nervous but managed to get myself through the door after walking up and down a few times. It was fine, just sat and listened and while a lot of the stories were pretty bad and in my head I'm thinking to myself 'at least I'm not that bad' I found a lot of similarities too. The inability to just have one, drinking to oblivion, to hide the loneliness and insecurity inside of me, the secrecy. Was running it over in my head this morning and remembered about what someone said on one of the first threads about it being like a train journey. You can get off at any time but the ultimate destinations are like some of the stories I heard yesterday. That's a very real possibility if I don't make that choice to get off now.

Was quite interesting to hear about peoples version of 'higher power' too as that's one thing I was concerned about, being an atheist myself. It wasn't really brought up in a big way. Some people did mention it but not as in God for the whole part. Heard the power of support in the room or a person. Gave me a lot to think about. I couldn't see me getting into it in a big way, have the dc most of time anyway, but I will go again I think.

Welcome leftie from me too :) Can't offer any advice re OH's drinking as we drank as badly as each other so stopped within a week of each other.
How are things today Biggles?
Good to hear about your AA experience too eggshells. I've been to one meeting and have recently been talking to Veronica Valli about it. Was really not convinced after that first meeting but talking to her I've been rethinking the idea and considering trying another meeting. Well see. Happy sober Sunday everyone

Hi all. Mother here at the moment (argh) so can't update really now. Will be back later

Ah yes, Mother!

The root cause of all my drinking

Good luck biggles

Welcome leftie I remember those two or three day hangovers solo well! the last one was the final push for me.

Broken, glad you made it to as. You know my experiences and feelings but I really still think people can get so much from it.

So, he came to bed last night and I was still awake having cries for a while really trying to sort put in my head what it was that I hate so much about him drinking. I have narrowed it down to a few things: I miss getting pissed with him, it wasn't all awful and when you're in that same headspace it can be so much fun (before the smashing of furniture and screeching ); He can't be happy, which makes me unhappy as I wish he could talk more to be about it ; it isn't good for him - he's a fit healthy gym going sports playing cyclist - what is it doing to him? and finally, he is so boring and stupid - even the children get fed up with him.

We spoke briefly, but he thought it was all about the TV programme not the underlying drinking that was annoying !me, and I couldn't start discussing there and then.

Anyway ww went to sleep OK. This morning I tentatively tried to discuss it but he really wasn't having it and as I say my mother ( ) was here which is beyond stressful anyway! he had nothing all day to drink and is now having a can of ale so maybe he gets it. I have been swimming which was lovely -, first time in ages so hopefully a nice relaxed evening. I am going to try to talk to him about it. It's hard getting time a
one away from home or situations where he is having a drink though - the odd meal out we have involves him having a pont of course! Next weekend dd is going to stay at a friends house so o !at suggest he and I go for a walk in the woods on Saturday morning - we do that sometimes and it could be a good time.
I don't want to be nagging wife but I want him to be happy and well.

I hope everyone is doing well. Sorry not to name check everyone. Must do better x

typos so well, not solo well, aa, not as, we, not ww! argh!!!!

Biggles Even though I've given up drinking I often feel like my tablet is drunk! Going out for a walk next Saturday is a good idea. Honestly wouldn't know how I'd cope with a partner drinking, good thing I don't live with anyone. How is your ds now?

Tbh I'm not totally sure if AA is my cup of tea but I'll keep an open mind for now.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed by the enormity of it today. Tried reading a few blogs about sobriety but it just made me want it more thinking about. Majorly stressing about Christmas and money (or lack of) this year which normally would have me reaching for a bottle to forget about it. Did manage to make it through the fourth weekend however even though ex fecked around so had to try and organise a babysitter at short notice despite the fact he was meant to be having dc Sat night. Usually that would be a perfect excuse to hit the off licence but I drowned my annoyance in some yummy chilli chocolate I'd bought at the continental market as a treat to myself.

Do you pay to access soberistas site now BTW? I'd signed up at the start of the year when it was free. Hadn't been onto it on a while but looks like you have to pay for membership? This right?

eggshells Yes Soberistas has a membership fee so there is a paywall.
Think of the extra cash you'll have available for Xmas with four weeks off the booze :)
Biggles Great plan :)

trying to catch up, so bear with me...Biggles, can emphasise with you and dp.My dp drinks and is really annoying.
l have to accept that I cannot change him, acceptance is the key for me. If l haven't anything useful, kind or necessary to say when he's pissing me off, l say nothing. I keep my side of the street clean, so to speak. I'm not a push over by any means, but the old saying 'would you rather be happy or right' stays with me . serenity keeps my sobriety, simple.
If l get angry, upset, sad, tearful, all excuses to drink.
As for AA, I think I'm one of the few on here that get a lot from it.l go 3 meetings a week, and know its helped me tremendously. Begore AA l couldn't go a day without a drink, now I'm coming upto 15 months, all 1 day at a time

A lot of food for thought (for me) in that post staying ... hmm, would I rather be happy or right? Could have saved myself a lot of upset over the years if I'd repeated that to myself!

broken - I pay for Soberistas, it has been behind a paywall ever since I tried to access the site. When I joined there seemed to be a lot of disgruntlement on it from existing members about the fact that you now have to pay, but at £12 for 3 months I think it's just about one of the cheapest subscriptions going - my normal bottle of wine that I'd buy at the last minute from the local shop because I didn't trust myself to keep wine in the house was £10.99 so I think I'd be pushing my luck to use the cost as an excuse!

Ah thanks. Good point Teapot I would have spent the same amount or more on booze for one night. I'll do it after Christmas however as every penny is having to be accounted for atm

I love that thinking stayingdry I could do well to put that into practice in my daily life. Have always loved the word serenity (and serendipity) for some reason. I would like to try a different meeting, they did point me to one that is more a 'beginners' group around my age but there's no way I could get the dc looked after that time of night.

Had one of those moments earlier where it flashed into my brain 'you could go get two bottles of wine and no one would know. Drink them tonight and start over again tomorrow. No one would be any the wiser. Oh go on' Seemed to come from nowhere.

My thoughts are all over the place. One minute I'm feeling resentful, wishing that at least if I developed a problem with alcohol in ten years, I'd have more years of drinking and less years of seemingly scary sobriety. Yes I realise that's daft but the thought has crossed my mind . Next minute I'm feeling great, thinking booze is nothing but a poison anyway, I'm quite brave to be doing this, I don't need it. Still made it through today and that's all that matters atm.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Morning all. Hope everyone ok today.

Broken, I am familiar with the feelings that flashed into your brain. I think loads of people flirt with the whole 'what a shame my rock bottom wasn't far lower - would have given me more drinking time' thing. But logically we all know that is utter bollocks and would have just prolonged our pain. Hand on heart - how much pleasure were you really getting from drinking towards the end? My advice is trying to keep it in the day/moment rather than thinking about 'forever'.

Just got invited to a New Year's Eve party and am not at all sure that I want to go. Part of me thinks I 'should' be fine with partying without alcohol by now, but another part of me worries that a NYE party is so focused on drinking and staying up late that it may just be a bit of a bore. I'm not really worried about picking up a drink, just of finding it rather tedious and wanting to go to bed (and not being able to). My God I'm dull these days….

Still dry. 11 days. Had very stressful time of it at work recently - one drama after another.

Has anyone had eye tremors after quitting? I have this eye tremor/twitch in the lower part of my left eye. It may just be the stress but it happened as soon as I woke up so wondered if it could be withdrawal related?

Really trying to think of the one day also. I do find it hard as it is against my nature, I'm the sort to worry about things months before the actual event. Possibly just coming to terms with the fact that this is 'it' this time. I think when I stopped last time I had it in the back of my head it really would be for a length of time, then I'd be able to control it. Clearly that didn't work. Slowly but surely accepting that fact. Doesn't mean that I'm thrilled with the prospect right now but it has to be as you're right drinking was making me bloody miserable, anxious, depressed, guilty, ashamed and more. I get that with the wanting to go when you're not drinking. I slipped out of parties after an hour or two when I was pregnant and couldn't drink.

Well done Leftie I would say its stress related. I get it on my right eye when I'm stressed out. First time it happened was doing my transfer exams in primary school and have noticed it ever since.

Tomorrow heralds four weeks. Yay, know there's a long road in front of me but a little bit proud of myself. Will be the day I give up smoking too as the only reason I started again was when I lifted the wine glass. Nothing takes my mind off the booze than nicotine withdrawal

Is this the thread for me if I am at the thinking I MUST/SHOULD stop but haven't yet? I can get inspired by reading?
I will either intro myself properly or go away - If anyone thinks there is a more relevant thread for me please point me in the direction?

welcome feeling Maybe if you read the posts it might help you decide whether its the right choice for you or not?

I have tried before but always fallen back into it by thinking "I'll just drink when I am out" or "Just the weekends" or "Just because I am soooooo stressed today" and within a week or two I am back to drinking every damn night again.

Well done on four weeks broken. I reckon it is stress then. I am working stoopid hours, single parent, and in my first term of PGCE

Hi and welcome feeling. Yeah reading the posts may help you reach a decision. I would link back to the first one but I'm crap on this tablet. There's the Brave Babes thread too in relationships that is more aimed with cutting down/controlling alcohol intake but I know there are some abstainers on it too and some who use both these threads.

Not surprised you are stressed out leftie. I was a lp, studying fulltime and working night shifts and it's tough going. Good for you though , it'll all be worth it. I would love to get back to studying but my youngest is such a disastrous sleeper and still being a single parent there is no way I'd get the time to study at night. One of these days fingers crossed.

eggshells thanks for the supportive comment on my guest blog post for Mumsnet today :) www.mumsnet.com/Talk/guest_posts/2240243-Guest-post-The-moment-I-knew-I-had-to-give-up-drinking And for spreading the love about this thread too! Maybe we'll get some new company?

Biggles thank you too.

No prob! Hello all. Welcome to all the new people and so pleased you're here. Hopefully we can help you or at least make you laugh a bit [sad

Broken, so sorry to hear that you felt so blergh the other day. It would be easy to just have a few thinking no-one would know, but you'd know which is the thing really.

On the flipping tablet so can't scroll back! I hope everyone is well - I'm a cleb soon, love it sadly. I would love to go into the jungle!

leftie,11 days..absolutely brilliant. .roll on 12,13,14.....just get to bed sober tonight, sort tomorrow out tomorrow
broken, think you'll always have that monkey on your shoulder tellg you you can have a crafty drink, l know mine is always there waiting. You can't control your 1st thought that pops into yohr head but you can the following thoughts. My monkeys always there waiting for a weak moment, actually found myself talking out loud to the little ba*rd a couple of times tooð???
Bored of celebrity now, typical alcoholic, attention span of a goldfish.

Ok so I manage 5 weeks - have a very very very crap day at work and think oh ill just have one - 3 days later - had to have a harsh talk with myself to get back to day one today. Felt like rubbish this morning as well. Anyway that is it for me. I can't drink normally - I can't just have one on one night and leave it - I am an alcoholic - :(. BUT today I am not drinking and my intention is to never drink again - onwards and upwards - I like myself so much better sober - so WHY do I do it to myself ? Sorry for going on - night all - :)

Good evening, I see the conversation has moved a lot since the last time I posted, but hope you people still remember me.

Still not drinking, but starting to find it all a bit boring.

DH is working a lot and I've spent the last few nights alone. I'm still not sure if I miss him or I miss having company, but today would be the perfect night to have wine while eating crap. But then I've had a whole pint of tonic water with soda water and lime juice, and think I've dodged the craving. (I've drunk gallons of this mix in the last few days).

I'm going to watch a film (it's something I do better when sober).

feelingfedupandold in the last few months I've read quite a few blog posts and things written by people who had stopped drinking, and thought to myself "That's what I need to do! I can't drink sensibly, so stopping completely is the right thing for me! Just... not now. But someday I will." And I kept thinking like that for a few months, until one day I decided it was the day. (it was 10 days ago - not too long but hey! Ten days)

What I want to say is that if you are still reading this thread, I think it can be very useful even if you are not ready to stop now. You're getting ready.

brokenegg and stayingdry it seems I'm not the only one having a wobble. I'll keept in mind that you two may have a wobble but you are still dry, and for much longer than me! So I (hopefully) can do it too! :)

70hours good luck! (and if you find out WHY you do that to yourself, please tell me, because I do the same, and ask myself the same ;)