DRY 5

[allhailqueenmab]

Starting this before the old one gets filled up!
this is the thread for the alcohol free.
Join us!

I'd be up for a meet up. Am in Cambridge so can hop on a train to London or whatever

I am now getting thoroughly pissed off with Dh drinking. I've tried to let it go and it's not as if he staggers in blotto every night, but it just seems he is having three or four pints every night lately. He goes out early stops at the pub then nips to sainsburys and I know damn well he's had more than 1 or 2. I worry about his health, he is boring and stupid and I just with he'd stop I can't have a conversation with him and the next day he is down and miserable maybe it's because it's been holiday time, and I know he's generally fed up, but I just don't know how to deal with it. We're going away for another night tomorrow (get us !! - he got a very nice PPI payment and we thought sod it let's use a bit on us!) and I'm just not looking forward to it to be honest. I am struggling with the meal out thingy too. just want a glass or two with dinner and a bottle in the room after. It makes it a bit strained really and I can see he is, not fed up with me exactly, but missing his drinking partner at times. Does this make sense???

ah humbug it's a bloody battle at times.

Haggis don't know if this is of any value but am in London meeting other sober bloggers on Tues 16th Sept - details of where and when not yet finalised. 2 have confirmed and awaiting to hear back from 2 more. Just thought I'd put it out there :)

Sorry previous post written in hurry without reading rest of thread - small people lurking ....

All welcome to join London meet up if you would like - open invite, the more the merrier I say :)

Guggenheim - I really struggled with the lady who hated the group stuff in AS. Can't put my finger on why.

Biggles - difficulties with my OH too, although we stopped together, so we both miss our old drinking buddies! Sometimes life just feels so bloody serious when you used to drink together and that was the way you re-connected. Not helpful, I understand that, and we are trying to find new ways to have fun together that doesn't involve drinking.

Have a good Saturday all.

Lucy - that would be great!. I would love to come along on the 16th if that's ok - and it would be great if anyone else here could come too. We can then try and get a weekend date, if that was better for you Guggenheim and others too.

Biggles, I'm so with you on the whole DH drinking thing. I would love my DH to join me in being AF, but it's not something I can impose on him. In saying that, he didn't drink all week this week (inc yesterday! he was back on 5:2, so that helped - and I did mention that there were a lot of empty calories in booze...). He will be on the red wine tonight but I won't begrudge him that. Well only a little bit. The Bubble Hour podcast from last Sunday is about coping with your partners drinking. I found it useful.

After nearly 80 days I STILL have not had an honest conversation with him about my past drinking and my future intentions. Anytime I mention it - he closes the conversation down sharpish. And I don't push it .... I think he is a little unhappy about the reflection on his own drinking. And as well I think he would be sad about never sharing a boozy night with me again. Really do need to get round to that conversation.

Guggenheim it's good to see you back again. V impressed you've been for a run. I've been up since 8 but am sat in my dressing gown still.

I enjoyed Addicts Symphony. I found it very moving on lots of fronts and was quite tearful watching it. I didn't find the title disrespectful though? Not sure why. Rachel the cellist is pregnant now, which is lovely. As many have said, the booze adverts were ridiculous. Wtaf? I loved Jules, and her playing at the tube station was just lovely.

I am SO up for a meetup. :)

Cannot do 16th, am in London every 8-9 weeks or so on Friday arvo, will hunt down my work calendar on Monday and let you know. :)

OOohh! I can't do the 16th but I'm beyond excited at teh thought of meeting sober friends. Any chance of a sat /sun later on in september? May have enough money for the fare then.

biggles I can't do the meal out thing much anymore,especially if it's Italian or French food. So much of that experience is caught up with drinking wine. I'm ok with less wine orientated meals- chinese and thai.

haggis I was being picky about that title. It just seems to me that they aren't active addicts any more. They were an awesome bunch whatever you call them.

lucy Still love your blog- keep writing please. Yes,Cathy (can't quite remember her name) was a difficult character. She was outstandingly talented but could not connect with the others. I wondered why she didn't just come along to the performances/ rehersal and leave before the meetings. Then I got all amature psychologist and decided that she she having issues. Actually,I think she was just bored of it all and was struggling to care for her elderly mother.

What was the name of the singer? I loved her look. In my head that's what I look like. In reality,I look exactly as I am : a middled aged lady with sensible haircut and shoes. One day...

guggenheim, been thinking about what you asked me about dealing with self confidence etc. I think I deal with it better after sorting the shit and resentment out that I have carried in my head for years, facing it, admitted my part in them then chucked it all out, left with a serene outlook. I suppose it was the AA steps and there is a much posher way of putting it but thats basically what I did.Faced it, sorted it, chucked it. now have confidence in my own worth, thats really important to me.

Dealing with OH drinking, my DP drinks regularly, normally funnily drunk on a Friday night . I accept it, said before, look on it differently now because of accepting it. Quite look forward to control of the remote, eat junk with the kids, tuck them in bed and enjoy abit of peace.My DP is overweight so ideally could do with a much healthier lifestyle but have to admit, am in no control physically with how he treats his body, not my shit. sounds abit harsh, but accept the things I cannot change . won't change if I nag, just upsets me, so not worth it

think the meet up a great idea, I'm in the Midlands so too far for me, but great idea

Haggis - you're on! :)
Count me in for any other meet ups too. I don't know anyone who doesn't drink IRL either.
Guggenheim Thank you for the kind words about the blog and will keep writing. What else do I with all this time now I don't drink!? Did you like the honest booze bottle labels?
My cod psychology analysis was that as she was on a methadone programme and drinking moderately she felt like recovery didn't fit her self-perception and understandably the others seemed to be struggling with it, as I would have been. I'd have been jealous actually. Another sober blogger recently stopped identifying with being an alcoholic and had ventured back to drinking and it caused an interesting debate in the comments afterwards. Always a thorny subject.

PS Stayingdry I'm going to the Recovery Walk in Manchester on Saturday 13th September if that's not to far away from you :)

Staying dry - that sounds great, in terms of hoe you feel you have changed through doing the AA steps. I really want to use this to make a positive change. Presently this involves casting around randomly looking at lots of things, buying self- help books, thinking about blogging (but not doing it) emailing CBT therapists and either getting no reply or told they are full. A random scatter gun approach that I am hoping will become fruitful and focused. At some stage!

Lucy - I was going to do the Manchester walk but subsequently have to go to a wedding. My first, sober. It will be good to have the meet up on the Tuesday to keep me "accountable".

Cornchips - tell us when you will next have a trip to London and we should also try and do a weekend one so Guggenheim can come. Guggs - I have been cheeky and name changed for this thread. I know quite a few MNers IRL, plus a school friend recognised me from a Baby name thread (I have a child with a very unusual name!) and outed me which was most unsettling so I couldn't use my normal username.

Haggis No worries and enjoy the wedding, I'm sure you'll be fab :)
Stayingdry or any other AA fellowship members, can you recommend a good AA book about the steps as would like to do them independently if that's possible.

I can deffo do a sat arvo, as usually head home about 3pm after the work thing. easy to make it later.

will keep you all posted. :)

Good idea about doing the AA steps independently also- that would suit me more for a bit at the moment.

Doing the steps independent. .mmmm
only thing I can think to help is to read chapter 5 of Alcoholics Anonymous big book, chapter called 'how it works' Talks you through the steps that actually helps you with the shit thats in your head.
When it speaks of god, remember its not a little white haired bearded man sitting on a cloud, but a god of your understanding, mines kind of a guardian angel. very hard to explain without sounding gaga
There is a whole book on the steps, but hard going if you think AA isn't for yiu.

My 1st book was a fab little book called LIVING SOBER, not officially AA. I swear when reading it I thought it described me to a tea, helped me no end.
I hope this helps

Hello all! Greetings from the artist formerly known as (something resembling) Merse. NC as fear I may have outed myself to a RL friend on another thread. Yikes.

Anyway - lots to catch up with!

Also definitely interested in a meet up. Will go back through thread and try to work out which day/s have been provisionally agreed.

Also, Kateissotired, I really identified with the way you described your feelings at that party/awards thing. I think what is really hard when you give up the booze is that it can feel really wonderful - almost euphoric - for a bit. And then things like that come to bite you on the arse. I hate that feeling of being brittle and not knowing what to say or feeling 'natural' in a social situation without a drink. It's horrible. I keep telling myself that it is a million times better than where the alternative would take me, but no point trying to pretend there isn't a sense of sadness or mourning sometimes in some situations. Am hoping that practice will make things shift.

Happy Sunday to all!

I have Living Sober too. Amongst hundreds of others

Alsoflamingo! I was just wondering where you had got to. The only current set plan that Lucy has extended is Tuesday 16th when she is meeting a couple of other sober bloggers. I should be able to make that. Hope you can come along.

Biggles - I always picture you surrounded by hundreds of shelves of your sober book collection.

Last night was - strange. Some really strong cravings for red wine. I think because I was cooking steak - and Xfactor was on. Lord knows how I will cope when Strictly starts . Diverted myself.

Then DH started a conversation (!) about whether I would go back to booze after the hundred days are over. I said I wouldn't and was honest with him about why I felt I needed to cut alcohol out completely. He was supportive & said he wants to reduce his midweek drinking (which he should be able to do, I'm fairly sure he doesn't have a problem).Felt good to be more honest about what I am doing.

Hello all, hope everyone is having a good Sunday. I am off to the pics shortly, really take advantage of this nice day!

Well the weird feeling did pass, I woke up yesterday and felt fine. I went for a run and felt absolutely fine, it is really difficult to remember that when you are in the middle of it though. And there is nothing wrong with leaving early either.

I am being very productive today, I have booked a one day course for something I have wanted to do for a while but as it was a Saturday all day thing I never bothered as Saturday mornings were always a no no for me. I know what you mean about distraction Haggis!

A London meet up sounds amazing. Is there a plan? I don't know any sober people in real life at all.

Hello, I think I would like to join you in sobriety please! I admit to looking at the title of the thread and thinking it was about vaginal dryness, for some reason!!. I don't think I am an alcoholic but it runs in the family and it may well catch me out one day. I don't want that to happen. I have been drinking a bottle of wine a night, every night, sometimes more. It is too much.

So, I will stop. I do this and then start again, with the intention of being moderate but it never works. So it will be better to stop entirely I think. I am starting to look a bit grim and I know from the past that when I don't drink and start eating better, I look and feel so much better.

From what I have said already, maybe am I an alcoholic and think I am not to be able to justify it? I don't think so, but maybe I am.... I can stop drinking if I want to (I always return) but I am greedy and I always want more when I do drink.

What do you think?

Congrats to you all on this thread for doing what you are doing! It is inspiring and you are all a fabulous support for each other

hi wicked I'm not sure that you have to be an alcoholic,doesn't matter how you identify but if you are at a stage where your drinking is making you unhappy then it would be a good idea to try a stretch of sobriety.

I'm not a binge drinker (though i have gone out for big sessions in the past),I'm pretty lightweight compared to some in aa but I couldn't stop when I desperately wanted to and that means i have a problem with alcohol.

Another way of looking at it would be to investigate ways to stay stopped for a long stretch of time,following on from what you said about starting again. Good luck- it's much much better for your health,mentally and physically to put the bottle down.

I 'did' the aa steps (yes,I know it's an ongoing process),it's like very intensive therapy and seems to be done in a group. I met with a group for 6 + weeks for a session of talking through parts of the big book and then we had an intensive session led by an experienced member of the group. It was very specific and there is an element of discussing your faults with another person- non judgemental,of course.

For what it's worth I think it's a wonderful exercise and I'm sure that you could do some of it on your own,perhaps use a diary to 'confess' faults to?

The big book contains all the steps but I'm sure that google does too.Some people in aa take the steps very literally indeed but most people need to get creative with some aspects- for instance their own understanding of a higher power.

I like the process of thinking through my faults and trying to do a little better every day. Prayer and meditation are part of the steps too.

I'm not explaining this well- sorry! I think it's a good idea to look at the steps and just take anything from them that you can.

Thanks for the advice! I honestly don't think I am alcoholic and I know I can stop drinking, without too much trouble. I do still find times within these periods where I want a drink but don't, but have never really not drink for an extended period of time. A month max usually, before starting again.

The problem is I LIKE to drink wine and I am greedy! It's not good really and with family history, it's not a good thing to be like I am with wine. I think there could be the possibility that in years to come, I may no longer be able to stop. No one thinks they will end up an alcoholic and due to my greediness and family weakness in this area, I don't want to be in a position of deciding to stop for a while and then finding out that on that occasion, I actually can't for the first time! I always want to drink the whole bottle and sometimes more.

I not saying I won't drink again but by stopping for a while, it will do me good.

Health benefits and having better skin and hair, etc are obviously other positives,

Morning all. Hope everyone is fine. I am in a low bad way this morning. Yesterday DS had a tantrum in the supermarket and I handled it badly. Then I came home and just cried and cried and cried for hours. DS was in his room crying also. Then I rang DH who is away again and ranted at him on the phone because he works away and is home every 2 weeks and I may as well be a single parent and basically I just had a massive self-pity party. I just lost it.

So I had a cider, because we all know that makes everything better, right? . The thing that upsets me today is just how out of control I felt, and also that DS was actually in his room frightened because I was crying so badly and couldn't stop. I am generally quite calm and in control, and what frightened me the most is that I behaved exactly like my mother. And truth is, I dislike and resent my mother for what she put me through as a child.

My poor DS, and my poor DH. Not drinking is such a good and positive thing in my life (despite lapses, which I regret every. single. time. ). But I really have to find a way to deal with the fact it isn't all pink clouds and magically makes everything better- magically makes me better.

My DFather is coming to stay tomorrow. I am looking forward to that. Just having some adult company around.

Sorry to make my post all me me me. Hi and welcome everyone new. :)

Oh Corn! Sorry to hear you are having such a bleak time. I have to jump in shower and get on kid duty, but didn't want to ignore your post. Thinking of you and will post properly later. Glad you have something to look forward to (DF appearing). If it makes you feel any better I FREQUENTLY handle children's tantrums badly….

Hello corn, I am sorry you had a crappy day yesterday. Please don't beat yourself up though. Could you use it as a bit of a learning tool? I don't have kids so I am afraid I can't really advise on that at all. Good news about your DF coming to stay. Be really kind to yourself today xx

Hi both,
thanks. :) Yes, definitely a learning tool. And I am making an appointment with my counsellor this morning as I realise my resilience to any stress right now is bad, and I need better coping strategies. So I am trying to be proactive, and not (too) disgustingly self-pitying.
The tantrum thing is when I tried to pick DS off the floor, he started screaming 'mummy's hurting me! mummy's hurting me!'. It was so manipulative and so untrue that I was shocked beyond belief and it totally messed with my head.
When we got in the car I really really yelled at him, and I am not proud of that either.
Onwards and upwards though.