DRY 5

[allhailqueenmab]

Starting this before the old one gets filled up!
this is the thread for the alcohol free.
Join us!

Hey Biggles, I'm affected by what you said BUT I think you are right to bring it up. I'm the daft one for not really considering that not all AAers are kind people. I have read further on 'when AA goes bad' and realised that this is a common problem with some rather unpleasant or unstable people causing big problems for groups and individuals. At least I'm aware of the issues now.

Aaargh sorry about all those posts - new MN mobile is feckin impossible. I really hope they put it back to normal, I can't bear to mn right now -only doing this thread.

Hello everyone. I will catch up with the thread, but wanted to get myself back on it after our holiday. I am afraid that I relapsed. Was never drunk, thankfully, but drank every day. This is not an excuse, but basically, DH and I had a massive argument at the airport before leaving. I wo't go into details why,but I think, and continue to think he was totally in the wrong. He barely spoke to me for 3 days, and told me outright he was reconsidering our entire marriage. In 10 years we have never had a fight like it, and I am a bit baffled as to what triggered it all. So I drank my feelings. It was pretty crap. Our marriage is back on track (although tbh I was reconsidering it too) and I am stopping drinking again. It was 'only' a couple of glasses at dinner each night, but slippery slope and all that.

I probably should not even be writig this on here, but I have no-one IRL to talk about it.

Anyway- on the upside, I ate alot of salads and my skin looks good.

I am going back to read the thread. Hope everyone is fine and well.

Oh corn chips sorry to hear that. Holidays are really stressful and it's much easier to do things you'd probably rather not. Chin up, glad the marriage is looking rosier xxx

Thanks Biggles. :) I felt sad, vulnerable, lonely. Was making plans for how I would leave. I have no family or support anywhere near me. Things are better now, but it worries me a bit how volatile DH was.... he has alot of work stress, but he seems less able to manage it at the moment.

I am tired of thinking about sobriety though. Last night I thought 'you want to not drink. How about you just not drink'. Make it that easy.' I wonder if that is even possible. Does that even make sense? unlikely. :)

Congrats on the 10k!!!!!

Cornchips - I'm so so sorry. There seem a lot of threads at the moment where holidays and big rows go hand in hand. I really hope things get better. There are lots of things in my marriage that I need to deal with but am not. I also completely get what you mean about being weary about thinking about not drinking. I often feel that.

Hi cornchips. good to see you.
yes i do know what you mean about stopping thinking about (not) drinking. I think if you do it right that is for many people the point of not drinking at all - because the whole goddmamn thing stops being an issue.

Sorry to hear you have no one to talk to. i know the feeling. I for one would be very happy to hold an online conversation with you about anything, booze related or not. I have had a ton of support from mn-ers when I just need to talk and can't bother anyone else. i would love to return the favour, especially to any of the lovely women on here.

Hi Biggles, hi haggis

how is everyone finding the bh weekend?

corn chips, oh dear, you know what you have to do if you want it enough.
what's that saying, the good thing about sobriety is you get your feelings back, the bad thing is, you get your feelings back.

Hey all. Arghh.Pissed off today. Not too sure why - the sodding weather not helping Dh and I are going away together for the night tomorrow for his birthday - it was the last time we did this that I made the decision to stop, and I'm feeling a bit 'why bother going if I can't drink' to be honest. We so rarely get away together and it's always been an excuse to let our hair down. I won't drink but I am scared I'll be miserable...

Hello all. I survived the long weekend away without booze and it was pretty brilliant, a load of fun, but more importantly, a load of fun that I can remember. I think I was nervous because I had not mentally prepared for it, which sounds really wanky. I got a case of the 'it's not fairs', until I had 10 minutes to remember why I was doing it booze free. I think I will have to do a lot of those 10 minutes to give my head a wobble as I found it really helpful, just preparing myself and asking myself what I want out of the day. I think I was / am in danger of obsessing about not drinking so those few minutes can focus me. God that does sound wanky. I think I also felt that not drinking would be exciting all the time and I am getting used to it feeling normal.

I hope it goes well biggles, you won't be miserable if you don't allow yourself to be. Imagine the serene, fun, non hungover you.

Hope everyone is well xxx

'D'H has been a total bellend today. Really fancied a bottle of chianti for a few minutes but it felt stupid and pointless. Decided to bake for DS's friend coming round tomorrow and wanted the house to look lovely. Cakes were rubbish. Will have to bake again tomorrow morning. Had a puff on my e-cig, also crap but dont want to start smoking again.... Annoying sort of day and disconcerting that I have no more crutches for these kind of days. Anyone else feel like this? Like, I've run out of comforting vices...

My comforting vice has become FOOD. Dreadful scoffing. Have piled on most of the weight I lost earlier this year. I blame it on the school holidays. I honestly don't think it's normal/natural to be with small children all day every day for weeks upon end. I find that I 'lose myself' if I don't have time alone to recharge. Almost like I forget who I am. Become a very sour and impatient Mummy, that's for sure. DH was saying, wistfully, that he always hates this time of year (late Aug bank holiday) as summer over & nothing to look forward to. I am (sort of) ashamed to say I am dying for the start of term so I can regroup and try to apply myself to my studies/writing etc. Is it just me???

sounds like we've all had a shit day today. my dp is being a selfish twat today . feels like take, take, take at the mo. To top it off I've scratched the car tonight so probably in for a gobful later. He will conveniently forget I'm picking him up at half ten tonight, and took him 10 miles this morning to go out on an all dayyer. And I did similar on Friday and do this every weekend.

Also someone from a a pissed me off tonight, another case of a selfish alcoholic. knows I was upset about my car, and jumped in to get a lift home then moaned cos had to walk 10 yards. will have to tell her how I feel next week, resentments are a killer for me.
people, places, things, grrrrrr, rant over

Hey all
Another one full of the woes after a very anxiety filled week - nothing earth-shattering just in full-on worry mode and can't seem to switch it off - any tips? Merce It absolutely is not just you - feeling exactly the same and counting down to the beginning of term and the chance to recharge my battery now that they have recharged theirs! Not drinking but none of my usual coping strategies seem to be working either - so I'm with you Art.
Biggles I agree that the fact that the weather has gone to sht isn't helping! Hope you had a nice night away and congrats Kate* on a successful long week-end and sober waves to everyone :)

hi all, realised why I'm out of sorts now, its my birthday today and last year was feeling sorry for myself and unloved on this day, so I am kind of mentally reliving the run up to my last big drink before stopping, if that makes sense.I had stopped last year for about 6 weeks, birthday blues and wham,3 days of mayhem
I have the defence in place to help me now and the dreadful memories of then.
Merc, comfort eating too, need to lose half a stone, having kids at home doesn't help as has been said. can't get out to walk very far or fast, cabin fever, think a fast trot up to the park is called for.
have a good day all

Happy Birthday, StayingDry!! I do hope you are able to do something nice for yourself today. Wonder if you have anything planned? And totally understand what you mean about reliving the horrors; so many things can trigger me off - driving past certain places where I behaved particularly badly or was staggering about in the road etc can trigger off horrendous flash backs.

And agree about how hard it is to keep on the right track exercise wise with children at home. I have got into a really good routine during term time of walking everywhere which really had got me fit and trimmed me down, but obviously can't persuade DCs to join me during hols so sit about eating instead.

Furious with myself as have been feeling really hard done by on the alcohol front and as if I want to drink like 'normal people'. KNOW I can't - and suspect this stupid thinking is because I haven't been getting to any meetings, but is still there. Desire to 'relax' of an evening blah blah. Seeing my sponsor tomorrow night and I know I am going to get a rocket up the arse for not getting to enough meetings (shld prioritise it even if difficult during hols etc). If honest don't really want to be 'got at' right now. Have been feeling very ragey and wondering whether it is just end of hols or (argh) whether I might be becoming peri-menopausal….. And if so - a whole other level of mourning.

Sorry for slightly miserable post!

Happy birthday for yesterday, StayingDry
Hi Merce. sympathies on the ragey front.

We have moved offices - near a place I worked late 90s, early 00s - which was a very very boozy and debauched time. It is odd how few happy memories are being stirred walking around these streets that my friends and I used to buzz about in, half cut and more. In my memories, it was a very fun, warm and laugh-filled time. Actually being physically present here gives me the shivers. I remember a lot of anxiety - I physically remember it, rather than mentally remember it

Happy Birthday!! stayingdry Hope the sun is shining where you are :) Hello all and feeling equally ragey Merce. Vezzie hope the office move isn't proving triggery for you. Hope everyone has a good day and nice to see the sunshine back :)

Hi everyone. And Cornchips, how are you? Hoping things ok with you….

Vezzie, I feel for you being confronted with that environment all the time. Hope it proves helpful (as in reminds you what you don't want from your life) rather than upsetting. A bit of both, I imagine.

Lucy, not that I feel in any fit state to dish out advice right now given my poisonous state of mind, but when fretting about things I often find it useful to try to stop focusing on me and my problems and actively try to help someone else or just think about something another person/people are struggling with. Probably makes me sound like some bloody saint/do-gooder, but I remember someone saying that once (expressed far better than I did) and I found it helpful. Double win as you get out of your own head (relief) and might actually make a positive difference to someone else. Even something small like chatting to a frail person on a bus.

Hmm. Need to take a dose of my own medicine!!

Thanks Merce and will heed the advice :) I've been thinking about you too Cornchips and echo Merce.

Hi everyone, thanks for thinking about me. I have not been posting because I am so fed up with myself that I cannot bear it.

DH has gone back abroad again so I feel like I can talk about the 'big fight'. basically, he got so wound up at the big line at check in for our trip away that security threatened to call the police. He was being totally OTT, and i told him so, and was shocked and horrified tbh at how he behaved. So, apparently this was a massive betrayal on my part as I did not support him, and the worst thing ever and he only decided to stick with the marriage because of DS. God, I had been so looking forward to our holiday too, and it was just rubbish all round.

We as a couple are back on track, and he has been affectionate and bought me lots of flowers, but I was a bit shocked at how quickly he got wound up, and his reaction to pretty much everything. In the past year or so i have noticed his ability to deal with any stress to be seriously depleted, but he just pooh poohs my attempts to talk about it.

I don't know if there is an issue with bog standard stress, or if it may be something more critical and/or organic.

So, that is me. Lucy, hope you are feeling better. Hope everyone is feeling better. Seems to have been something in the air around here lately. (watery smile). :)

Blimey, Corn. That sounds tough. I hate threads on MN where people lay into partners without really knowing what is going on, but that sort of temper and outburst does sound quite worrying and frightening. I hate it when DH behaves badly with the kids and then gets angry for me for not 'supporting' him (not going to do that if he is behaving like an arse). Buying flowers not really the answer I'd suggest. An open and frank discussion about what happened and why you were so alarmed might be better? You may well have done just that and worked through it in which case I will get back in my box! Anyway, I really feel for you and am not surprised that you are feeling rubbish. Although don't think you should be feeling fed up with yourself. Sounds to me as if you have done nothing wrong. I have always found men very scary when they lose their temper (my father was a scary and violent drunk).

Dear dear - look at us all…….

Sober waves (and dare I say it hugs) to one and all.

Sorry to hear that Corn and go easy on yourself as I don't think you've done anything wrong either :)

I'm just coming on to say hello and that I'm reading and lurking. I'm doing ok but not glad to see so much sadness. I've got no wisdom to offer, save for this too will pass. Which can be annoying saying when things are shit.

Morning all. :) Waves.Hoping everyone has a better day.