DRY 5

[allhailqueenmab]

Starting this before the old one gets filled up!
this is the thread for the alcohol free.
Join us!

Your decision mistress, would be interested to hear how you do . How much you drank before your abstinence and the result of your try.

definitely not for me, step 1 , I cannot have that 1st drink, end of.
my last drink was 1, ended up in a 3 day black out. very happy to label myself a recovering alcoholic. seriously thinking back I never really liked the taste of alcohol just how it made me feel after a couple, trouble is I couldn't stop at a couple, EVER

Please let us know how it goes.

hello. day 19.
Had a nearly-drinking dream last night: on my way to a work do and realising how boring and stressful it was going to be, and deciding that it wouldn't matter if I had "one" as a "one-off" (ha ha ha ha); realising in the dream that it isn't worth it; waking up relieved (yes! Bobby Ewing! great expression)

tomorrow there will be work drinks because of a big event. It will be a big thing, actually in work hours, and it is wrapped up in exactly the sort of feelings that make me drink. And drinking will be pushed. I mean not offered: pushed.

I had a think about this in the work loo today and actually thought: what if I just get my boss alone and say, I have to slip away early, I will work from home, I just can't be around alcohol right now? Completely unexpectedly I found myself welling up at the thought of saying this.

This post is a big thing for me because this name is associated with my real life persona. I am seriously considering deleting this whole post now.

the thing is - I wasn't tearful because I was sad about admitting what I am. I was welling up because it seemed so amazing to think it is nearly possible that I can just tell someone, and not be alone any more. Not quite. But nearly.

You lot are amazing. I am a lurker, so I know. Thank you all for listening

Is it OK for a lurker to jump in? I hope so - I'm having a wobble.

I am on day 2 - furthest I've ever made it before is day 3. I finish work at 5 and have to go to the shops. And that's been the routine for years - pop to the shop on the way home from work at least 3 times a week, and buy booze.

I was googling for some help and support and found one of the previous threads several weeks ago. I went right back to the first one and read it. And when I read about how good it feels to be sober, I really really wanted it. And when I read people's thoughts about drinking, I was nodding my head to so much of it. I've thought of myself as a walking disaster for so long - amazed me to read of people thinking and feeling exactly the same. But I stopped reading it and told myself I'd deal with my problem "at some point".

For some reason, I decided yesterday was the day. I felt strong, had the most productive evening I've had in years. Tonight what I want to do is go to the shops, get a nice salad for dinner, some diet coke and flavoured water, go home and exercise, then do something productive. I have tonnes of stuff to do, and I know if I buy a bottle of something, none of it will get done.

I feel so pathetic - I've seen references in this thread to people having made it 100s of days. And here am I struggling on my very second day.

The problem is, I had such a good evening yesterday and didn't want a drink. But I've done 1 or 2 days before, and always give in to the voice that says, "See? You were fine last night! You had no cravings. You've got this under control! So how about just one drink? It only has to be the one..." But I know it won't be just the one, it's never just the one...

Oops, sorry - I wrote a novel. And I probably don't belong here - not a mum, got no kids. I'm just kind of desperate...

Sorry - I'm so stressed I think I posted in the wrong thread :-(

of course you are welcome! I've got to go and get dd now but will be back. Stay with us!!!!!

Thank you Biggles. I'm still here. Just spent 15 minutes hiding in the server room and re-reading a 2010 thread on my phone. Trying to calm myself. Leaving here in 2 minutes and am going to a different supermarket from the usual one - hoping the change of routine will help a bit.

I do NOT need a drink. It won't do anything good for me. On top of the hangover, I'll be riddled with self-loathing. I have huge FOO issues and a tendency towards depression - alcohol is hardly going to help!

I CAN do this. I just need to think of today. I've done 2 days before, so it's not a huge deal. Cramming my head with positive thoughts.

Welcome Vezzie and Haha! Please stay with us on this thread. You don't need to be a mum or anything. Just someone who thinks alcohol is a problem and would like to try living a new alcohol free life.

Haha - I w as like you. I read stuff weeks before the day came when I thought - yes, I can do this. Use that momentum! I had a really good first week (not everyone does ... It's the luck of the draw - other tough times since). But an initial feeling if well-being can propel you along. I am about 67 days in - so yes it can seem intimidating when I see people who are a year in etc etc. but the days do tot up - everyone had a day 1 and a day 6 and so on. It's a cliche, but just think about getting through today, the next hour, the next 5 mins. I felt exhausted many times and just threw on the pjs and went to bed at 8 so many times. Once you're in bed with teeth brushed you're VERY unlikely to drink after that.

Vezzie - day 19! Brilliant. I know how emotional it is thinking about talking to people. The more people we tell the more accountable we become. Do what you need to do to get through your work thing. Stay with us, even if you get a new name change if you feel happier. This thread has helped me massively.

Mistress - I'm interested in knowing how moderation management goes if you do decide that's what you should do. For me, I feel oddly liberated by the thought of not having alcohol ever again. I was just so exhausted by it. You've achieved so much in your 6 months. You should be really proud.

I'm English but live in Scotland, so Haggis your username made me chuckle. You are so right about the momentum. Was feeling it this morning, but late afternoon is always a danger time. 67 days - that's bloody amazing!

I tried to plan out ways of keeping myself distracted. Did my nails last night, so might give myself a pedicure tonight. Lots of crochet projects on the go, might actually make real progress if I'm sober. Tonnes of PC games, lots of books and could soak in the bath.

Now that I'm home I feel a lot less desperate.

Sorry, there are loads of other posts in this thread and I feel like a heel for not having read them yet. Head is a bit messy at the mo.

Don' worry about keeping up just yet. Just stay and post if you want, or read, or I dunno, jump up and down anything to stop you drinking! It does vary, the first week or two. I think i was a bit blerghhh, but that's the poison getting out and the mental addiction fighting with your body (or something like that). Do stay with it, you will feel so good after a fortnight or so. Promise!

Haha, I made sure I had plenty of distractions in the first week and tried to keep busy. I also worked late a few nights to get out of going to the pub after work, and made sure I had something to do on Saturday and Sunday morning, like swimming or pilates. Normally I would have a hangover so never made a plan for weekend mornings. I also tried to pick a few books that I have always thought I should read so I felt like I was achieving. I have not had too many cravings, but when they come, have a few minutes to see what they actually are and why they are there (bored, annoyed, hungry?) and remember that they will pass. The main thing is there is nothing better than not having the serious booze blues anxiety.

Hope you feel ok. And hello to everyone xx

Evening all! :)
Survived interview - will hear tomorrow and eating cinnamon bun as reward Haggis Lipstick and Liquor is a bit weird and not the best but it's about alcohol and recovery so it made the list. Emily is about and blogs regularly at Emilyism.com. Some other film suggestions have been made in the comments too including the one you were discussing about sex addictions. What was the final verdict from those who have seen, hit or miss? Mistress will be interested to hear how moderation goes. Have you read about what happened to the founder of Moderation Management in the US? It's a shocker, google Audrey Kishline. Stayingdry 1 is never enough here - if I drank again the breaks would be seriously off. Biggles loved 'Rain in my Heart' and it is an accurate account as what he shows is my professional experience to a T. Kate there's a good acronym HALT which sounds like what you think about when cravings hit - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired but I think I prefer BAH! :) Hi & welcome from me Vezzie & Haha

Hi Lucy - hope you didn't think the critique of Lipstick&Liquor was a reflection on you. I know the list is to include anything related on the themes as you say and that you aren't personally saying each one is amazing. And it's a great list. I tried to get hold of the one you are watching tonight about a Bill W's wife. Only available on Canadian iTunes. How did you get it? Love Winona Ryder so keen to see that one.

Read about the Moderation Management movement after Mistress' post - and what happened to the founder. Interesting stuff. Glad Emily is still sober & blogging.

Hey Haggis not at all! I watched it on one of those free streaming websites - this one: daclips.in/c8j5lvlu50au. It's a Hallmark Hall of Fame film so made for TV. Off to eat cinnamon bun now bin lids are in bed :)

just read up about the MM movement,mmm..... (no pun intended) giving AA a bit of a slagging.
my view, only mine, Just back from AA meeting, don't feel part of a cult, haven't sacrificed a virgin at said meetin,don't know why it actually seems to work on me,but... don't care, can't stay sober on my own, god knows I've tried, feel good, not drunk today, gonna try and do the same tomorrow, gonna keep going to meetings, keep working the steps, and hopefully if I do these simple things, will celebrate a years sobriety on September 5th and 1 year 1 day hopefully on the 6th
some great posts today ladies, intelligent, well thought, not bad are we for a bunch of drunks

Biggles, will check out Rain in my Heart. Lucy - brilliant, thanks for the link. Will watch that when I am back in the land of decent wifi.
StayingDry - can't believe you aren't sacrificing virgins at AA - damn! I haven't discounted AA yet - might check out a meeting when I'm back in London.

Jemimarose - how are you doing?

I have to say this as I feel all 'ragy' at the moment - I don't want anyone to think I am being personal - it's just my own experiences have made me feel unreasonably furious!

Every time someone mentions AA I just feel so angry. I went for about three months in early 2011, when I was really trying to stop drinking and it was hideous. I was made to feel utterly awful for taking anti depressants, told I had to put AA above my family or I would never be free, and the worse thing I ever witnessed was a poor lady breaking down and admitting she had relapsed, to stony faces and tuts of disapproval. I had to leave and started drinking again :(

I know it was a bad group - sadly the people who are there go to all the groups in this city and are the main ones sort of thing, so - if I say nothing when people mention their AA experiences that's why. Sorry.

I REALLY need to get over it!

Hello biggles, I went to some awful meetings when I first started, and had to hunt out some friendlier ones. One the earlier meetings was like some kind of booze competition, and because I did not have a catastrophe that made me stop drinking, I was told that I was not ready and there was a feeling of failure, but that might have been my state of mind. The 2 groups I go to now are really supportive and friendly and exactly what I need.

I am off to stay with friends for a long weekend in a different city. They are not massive drinkers but they do like a drink. I am inwardly chanting my 'I am happy and sober" matra in preparation. I am sure it will be fun and it is the run up that makes me nervous.

Hello all xxx

Horrid isn't it? If I had found a good one I would have probably got about 3 years under my belt now :( Not blaming them - I mean it was my choice to drink again, but I was just so intimidated!!

Hi biggles sounds bloody awful. I'm not surprised, I go to an awesome meeting but I avoid some of the aa zealots by only going to that meeting.
I know that the real spirit of aa is to encourage people to stop drinking and find a better life,not to browbeat or intimidate people.

I certainly wouldn't go back to the meeting you've described but there are sane and brilliant aa meetings too.

As for tutting at some poor sod who had made it back after a lapse? FFS!

Part of my lapse was because I felt aa 'wasn't working'. There are some very strong zealots in my town,well meaning and kind,but religious zealots. That approach makes me want to run away as far and as quickly as possible. However,watching the recovery of some amazing,normal people has changed my life. Just watching one lady who has had the most horrific and abusive experiences in her life,gaining strength from being cared for and believed in aa has really affected me.

Hope you don't mind me joining in but I had to think lang and hard about how i felt about aa and what I was prepared to do.

mistress I think you have to find out for yourself if you can moderate or not. Some people can after a period of sobriety and if things don't work out then you know where you can get help.Hope it does work out for you

The last thing I want to do is turn into a 'stinkin thinkin, orange paper type'! It's such soured my perception so much.

Moderation is a tricky one.
I know I have 'moderated' in the past and I have thought it was working - sometimes I lasted a month or two with just having one or two a week, but it never stayed that way.

dont tar all with the same brush, AA groups are not all the same, obviously, as the experience says here. That would be like saying all people that drink wear brown macs, drink out of paper bags and sit on park benches.
In my experience those that have relapsed are welcomed back, not judged, not molly coddled either.The only requirements for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.there is a guy that comes to every meeting with a sports bottle full of wine, but he comes, he has the desire, not judged, his life, but he doesn't want to stop enough.
like everywhere in life there are dick heads, every business, organisation, club has them.
If a particular club works for you don't knock it, if it doesn't, try something else. l personally don't like football, but I don't knock those that play it as it keeps them happy and fit, strange comparison I know, but I think it makes sense

I wasn't knocking aa, just saying what a horrible experience I had. The last straw really was the poor lady so distressed. I. did try a couple of others but the same people were there and it just wasn't right for me.

I think it's good to be able to discuss aa - so no,I don't think you were knocking it. I had aa on a massive pedastal (hoping that isn't the thing you put round the loo) and that wasn't helpful either.

Personally I welcome any constructive discussion of aa (not orange papers) because it's neither mysterious,scary,awesome or supernatural. It is a group of people getting and staying sober. Some people take it much,much further but that is because they want to,it is not a requirement of the organisation,even if some tell you it is.

That is a very good point that when you have a lapse you shouldn't be molly coddled either. And I agree that like any organisation there are dick heads and egotists involved.

Some of the people in aa are awesome though.