How to get over the horrible things your partner says to you

[tisrainingagain]

Yesterday h told me that I have been lazy for 20 years (actually been together for 18 years but you get the gist). I am supposed to be clearing the dcs' rooms (which are messy) to prove that I care, but can't find the energy to get past h's sulking and being called lazy.

Was trying to tell h that he or our relationship makes me feel anxious and depressed which is one of the reasons some things don't get done, but he wasn't having any of it.

So h has gone away until Friday evening, how do I stop ruminating over being called lazy etc... and get on with stuff I need to do.

I know what you are saying morris. It's not so much the public failure of the relationship as such, but the inevitable not being with my children all the time. I can't get my head around this. The thought is very painful.

Well, that would be sad, there's no getting away from that. But your kids are growing up, one of them is 12. You will be spending more time apart anyway as they become naturally more independent.

Every other weekend and one night during the week is standard, as mentioned up thread. Why are you thinking fifty fifty if he works long hours and you are a stay at home parent? And think how much better quality your time with your kids will be when you can actually focus on them and enjoy them, instead of being frozen into a lethargic state by your toxic relationship.

You are not a parasite. I'd say your confidence has taken a severe beating. You will go through a major mixture of emotions as you ride this out. If you decide to stay then expect this to keep bubbling to the surface as it keeps grinding you down. Not all days are bad, that's what keeps you there. That and the fear of the unknown.

Personally I couldn't give a rats arse what my ex is doing now... I'm too busy concentrating on living my life to its full potential!!

Just be honest with yourself and the rest will follow. You don't need to make a decision overnight.

From my first post on here to when I left was 4 months.

Now don't feel like spending today and the weekend with h's family (they live 2 hours away) with him ignoring me. Made worse by the fact that he speaks another language to his Mum so that is already excluding.

Dc will be disappointed if I don't go though. It's keeping the everything is okay pretence up which is difficult as well as the constant knot in my stomach.

this pretending, acting will slowly lead into depression
so carry on and make yourself ill

OR

make decision now to change your life and start drawing plans

let your h take kids to their GP's and do your research then

I am not sure if I missed it - do you work?

I can imagine, just concentrate on DC. Just take one day at a time. Throughout the next week just think about this question:

Where do you want to be in 12 months time?

Antimatter makes a good point. However, don't feel that by going you are letting yourself down.

Am going (after speaking to my aunt and asking her what she thought) but am feeling awful! Excluded and ostracised.

Am going (after speaking to my aunt and asking her what she thought) but am feeling awful! Excluded and ostracised.

Oops sorry.