persistent groping by BF's husband

[allyanna]

Not sure how to deal with this. It's been going on for a very long time. I love my friend. He is a very prominent member of the community. I have tried to dismiss it but he has no right to do this. Would welcome comments.

He is very seriously ill; it's not a smokescreen! In all honesty, I wish that I had never posted on here but it all became too much when my BF was away and I caught him hiding behind the fence. I know that I wasn't the only one and, probably, my BF was unaware of his actions. Anyway, it doesn't matter now but makes me wonder what the outcome would have been if I had gone to the police years ago?

You could send a message of support to your friend, without going to visit. How she deals with it is up to her.

My guess is that she will appear to ignore it, but will contact you in the future once the bastard has died

Imagine what he has been doing to her if he has been doing this to a number of women.

I don't think you are doing her any favours by not going to the police tbh.

Too late now as he is seriously ill; he used to batter my BF (they had a very fiery marriage) and she left him when she was pregnant but was persuaded to return. Our relationship changed, after many years of deeply close friendship, when there was a drive to recruit young local men into freemasonry. I now understand why the victims of Jimmy Savile, etc., came forward to expose supposedly pillars of the community but I'm not doing it to my friend.

Interesting. You wont expose him but she was ok about you being groped by him. So not really your friend in the end.

The masons are still very influential and powerful, at least in the police. I know a woman whose two brothers were detectives and at various times were protecting the royal family. She told me they had to join the masons if they wanted promotions. Her entire extended family are heavily involved in masonry.

So in the end you still lost your friend. It was completely foolish of you to put up with this for so long, do you think sacrificing yourself in this way was worth it.

No it wasn't "foolish" of the OP, it was predatory behaviour by her BF's husband.

This is not her fault

Is it really the consequences for your friend if you spoke up that you were worried about then? That's very sad but understandable, if she wouldn't leave him I can see why speaking up would be scary and why she has sided with him and cut you out.

This is like my very abusive ex, he had sex with all of my friends so that I became completely isolated. The groping could be about isolating her.

Offred I take it you used the term friends as a euphemism for something else deceiving bastards

Well obviously I have never spoken to any of them again but I place the majority blame at his door. He did it deliberately to isolate me, he told them manipulative lies, they shouldn't have given in. He's the biggest twat.

Thanks, all, for your comments and support. I have been very foolish but was always trying to spare my BF AND there was also the suspicion that nobody would believe me despite the fact that I had witnesses (unfortunately they, too, would not wish to speak out against such a prominent man!). Doesn't matter now as he is so ill but I wish that I had dealt with things very differently - would urge everyone to report cases of sexual harrassment to the appropriate authorities!

Don't beat yourself up about it. It is him who bears responsibility for his behaviour and you did your best at the time.