I am three years sober. To the point where I can now laugh at the fact I won a prize at work this week - it was a bottle of wine. Fortunately I wasn't at the meeting where the prize was awarded as I would have just taken the bottle and given it immediately to the person sitting next to me. I treat alcohol like plutonium.
I drank to the point where I was dangerously ill. I am stunned now looking back to imagine how I managed to drag myself to work every day at that stage. I had lost about 20kg and my GP thought I was dying when I eventually went to see him. However, please don't do what I would have done if I'd read this on MN when I was drinking less heavily but still far too much and think 'well mine isn't as bad as that so whatever she's saying doesn't apply to me'.
I couldn't imagine how anyone got through more than a day or two without drinking. I rarely ever had a day off and when I did, I would find it impossible to sleep until about 2 a.m. as my brain would whir and whir and whir, it was dreadful. Which of course reinforced the need to have a drink.
Without sounding too preachy, you need to accept when it all goes wrong, 'it' doesn't go wrong. You choose to drink. Saying 'it' goes wrong absolves you of blame. You make a choice. You later regret that choice but you make it at the time.
Here's what I normally suggest on MN. To anyone who wants to change their relationship with alcohol, for whatever reason. Take a month off. Use that month to really look at what your triggers are. They can be unexpected; one of mine was getting off the bus when coming home, my brain alarm clanged 'wine o'clock' and I thought ahhhh that's it happening. Use the month to develop alternative to alcohol that can meet some of the same needs. For relaxation, maybe take up a hobby, particularly one that occupies your hands (knitting is a godsend to me). For taste, something not too sweet to drink - maybe ginger beer, maybe herbal tea. Use the month to appreciate how much better you sleep, to find positive ways to use the extra energy. You will manage stress infinitely better without alcohol than with, but I fully appreciate how unlikely that statement sounds. I would never have thought I could cope with stress without alcohol, I would read it on here and just think 'well that might work for other people but .. '.
For people who are genuinely concerned about their drinking I also recommend this book. You can download the Kindle version and be reading it today. It is not at all preachy or judgemental, it's completely pragmatic and written by people who've been there.
However, the biggest success factor for me has been telling people. When I found out I had won this bottle of wine this week, the first thing I did was tell my best friend - who laughed like a drain. My old team - who thought it was hilarious. My parents, my DH - everyone close to me knows that I have a problem with alcohol, my new boss does too although had somehow failed to convey the message to his boss and didn't know this prize thing was happening. Problem drinking thrives on secrecy. No-one knows you have an alcohol problem (except MN) and you want to beat it the same way. You can't. If you say it out loud it makes it real and scary but it also means you have to face up to it. I was very clear with my close friends in the early days that if I said 'that's it, I'm going to the pub' having them tell me I couldn't do it would backfire and I would have two drinks instead of one. I asked them instead if they would ask me just to wait for 20 mins before deciding what to do. In the end I never needed to put that particular plan into operation but I needed to know I had one.
Likewise when I found half a bottle of wine in the company flat a few weeks ago (I was staying there on my own) my first reaction was to tell people. Make it real. It's there, I don't want it to be there. In the end I left it overnight in case someone else turned up but I tipped it away the following morning. Plutonium.
So telling Mumsnet is a great first step to practice telling other people. Not everyone but certainly your DH, your best friend, people you trust.
As to dealing with it whilst your DH is still drinking, can you ask him not to drink in the house for a month? Do you have particular trigger drinks? Can you take or leave beer, for example? Can he at least avoid the drinks that most call out to you from the kitchen in the evening, like wine? Be clear that it's not about him and how much he drinks, this is something you want to do for you, but you need his help.
Hope this helps. Why don't you and littlewhitebag and anyone else starting out on the journey start a support thread for yourselves? The Battle Bus was never for me because there were too many active drinkers on it. The DRY thread would have been my thing (it never occurred to me to set one up when I needed it). But if the posters there are too far ahead of you on the journey, start a new thread. You can do this. Good luck.