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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Alchol breaking point. How do I stop?

81 replies

GetYourFingersOutOfThere · 05/07/2014 23:33

I drink too much, every night.

I'm managing during the week to go to work but would like to not drink every night but always do due to stress.

How do you a make a break through when your DH drinks as much but manages it better?

OP posts:
GetYourFingersOutOfThere · 06/07/2014 14:34

Wow I didn't expect to come back to so many encouraging and well written messages.

I think the main thing that is holding me back is knowing that I won't be able to fall asleep without drinking but then I still know I do need to stop, there are a lot of things that need to change in my life but this is the big one.

OP posts:
tribpot · 06/07/2014 14:59

Yep - totally get that. And it could take some time for your sleep patterns to normalise. Bizarrely, when I stopped drinking I immediately started having good sleep, despite having not ever had good sleep off the booze before, I have no idea what caused this. This is not a normal experience, however - and I was off sick so I was just sleeping at random intervals during the day, which helped enormously.

Can you plan this? Take a couple of days off work so that if you get rubbish sleep overnight you can catch up during the day? Alternatively, would you go to the GP and ask for some short term help? Admitting the problem to your GP is worth doing anyway.

paxtecum · 06/07/2014 15:10

Tribpot's advice is wonderful.

Would your DH give up alcohol too?

I know a woman who always had a massive drink problem yo the degree that the Dcs were often neglected and I realised her DH had one too when he refused to give up drinking alcohol at home.

They split up, she changed her life round, he didn't.

CornChips · 06/07/2014 15:26

Hi OP, like Haggis I am also on the DRY thread. I am an older poster of that thread- started in March but we love newcomers. :) I find it a really good, supportive empowering thread. :) I lurk also on BraveBabes which is also so supportive of people. I love reading the thoughts of people feeling the same as me about problem drinking and who are trying to deal with it.

The demon drink- it's a demon for alot of us!

newnamesamegame · 06/07/2014 15:33

tribpot that was truly inspirational... I take my hat off to you. To be honest, you sound like you have more self-control and discipline than a lot of people and a real strength of character.

DustBunnyFarmer · 06/07/2014 15:36

I think the main thing that is holding me back is knowing that I won't be able to fall asleep without drinking

I strayed into this thread but kept reading (not a problem drinker), but I have struggled for 25 years with epic bouts of insomnia - the getting to sleep kind - and discovering mindfulness meditation has been game-changing for me. Just wanted to flag up that there are other solutions if sleep is a source of anxiety for you.

tribpot · 06/07/2014 15:48

newname thank you but definitely not. I have an all or nothing personality and my 'all' when it came to alcohol was a very big, very dangerous, and very wrong 'all'. I know I could never learn to drink moderately but others can and do. Mindfulness, as DustBunny says, is the key.

exWifebeginsat40 · 06/07/2014 15:58

I'm 11 weeks sober. I've been in AA for about 9 months now, and have only had a drink on 14 of those days.

i lost everything. my job went, then my daughter moved in with her dad. then i lost my marriage and my home.

my life is pretty sweet at the moment. i see my daughter regularly now and we are rebuilding our relationship. she's 14 and i have to accept that, for me, this has been her 'leaving home'. i doubt she will live with me again. i moved from a 4 bed family home to a 1 bed flat on benefits. i do finally like it here but i will always miss that closeness with my daughter.

the end of my drinking was brutish, nasty and very nearly killed me. to anyone struggling - have a look for addiction services in your town. as well as those services, AA is working for me - but i know it's not for everyone.

i am an alcoholic and can never drink again. i accept that now - it hasn't been easy but i know that for me to drink is to accept that i am done - it's literally a death wish.

be well, all of you. i couldn't stop for even a day - but here i am 75 days sober. if i can do it, anyone can.

Fontella · 06/07/2014 16:16

Littlewhitebag - no I didn't get family and friends onside. My problem, I was the one to sort it. I started out just giving up for January - after the excesses of Christmas and the New Year, and then I thought - right I've done a month, I'll keep going and see where I get and here I am in July, not having touched a drop all year. My kids know I've stopped drinking (they think it's great) and my sister, but I didn't get anyone 'on side' as it were - I just did it for myself.

Getyourfingersout - don't worry about the not sleeping. If you are anything like me, you will be like Rip Van Winkle in the first few weeks and months. Giving up drinking (if you've been a big boozer) is exhausting. I've never known tiredness like it, to the point I thought something else was medically wrong with me, then I found an alcohol forum and discovered that extreme tiredness is a very common symptom in the first weeks/months after quitting. I too always thought I'd have to be half-pissed to fall asleep but I was wrong, plus the quality of sleep when you have alcohol coursing through your system is rubbish. Sober sleep is proper sleep - deep and refreshing, as it should be.

When you pack up drinking, your body goes through a 'what the fuck?' process - because after years of being fuelled with alcohol, that's suddenly taken away and your body is wondering what the hell is going on. It can't speak of course, so it develops all these weird and wonderful symptoms to attract your attention - from the DTs (in severe cases) to less severe symptoms for the rest of us (like developing a sweet tooth even if you never had one before - in my case I found I could easily eat a whole packet of Mr. Kipling Bakewell slices in one go, whereas when I was boozing, I never, ever ate cake of any description) ..... one of which is is extreme tiredness which then carries onto into a normal sleeping pattern as your body heals and replenishes itself. I have never slept so much, so deeply, or as well as I do now.

You don't need booze to sleep, you just think you do. We live in a world of self-medication, whether it's booze, drugs, cigarettes, comfort food .. but the truth is we don't need any of it. Our bodies will work perfectly well for us if they are not abused, looked after and well nourished, and pouring liquid poison into ourselves (which is what booze is) because it 'helps us sleep' 'de-stresses' us etc. etc ... is just plain bollocks. I used to think I needed a bottle or two of wine when I was stressed out. I didn't and I don't.

littlewhitebag · 06/07/2014 18:46

I am at my critical time right now but feel okay. The dinner is on and i would normally crack open a bottle of wine but i have a glass of water instead. My DH is away on business so there is no-one here to tempt me into having a glass. How is everyone else?

tribpot · 06/07/2014 19:00

Littlewhitebag - really good that you're powering through the danger zone, keep it up. Keep busy - MNing may not be the best thing but keep dipping in and out if it will help. Can you do something productive now the dinner's on, are clothes sorted out for tomorrow? (Mine aren't, but I have two work assignments to get finished, ho hum).

littlewhitebag · 06/07/2014 19:03

Everything is sorted for tomorrow. The bit of work i had to do is done. There is a cupboard upstairs that needs tidied. I can maybe get DD2 to help me with that later.

Haggismcbaggis · 06/07/2014 19:31

Littlewhitebag - hope all good for you. I've found having a "treat" type soft drink with lots of ice - at the time I would normally sit down to drink helps. A lot of people find changing their evening routine is a good thing to do. Thanks

GetYourFingersOutOfThere · 06/07/2014 21:37

I've spent the evening reading the link maryz posted.

Jesus is one very strong women, not sure if I'm going to be able to be as strong as she is/was. Do we know how she is doing now?

Sadly her thread will be me, I can feel it happening, slowly now. Those morning when you wake up and can't remember what was said, being told how nasty I was but left wondering because he still buys the wine every night, still buys more than he knows I can handle and also knows I will drink.

OP posts:
nikki1978 · 06/07/2014 21:47

How do you stop? You just do it. You know you want to clearly so stop making excuses and just do it.

I know it is not that easy. But you can do it. I used alcohol to escape from mental health problems. But to be honest although it supressed them temporarily it really made them worse long term. I was drinking every day to relax and I knew it was not good.

So in December I decided to try a whole year with no booze. I wanted to experience all the events of the year (birthdays, holidays, xmas etc) as a sober person and see if it was so bad to not be pissed.

I am just over 6 months in and guess what? Stuff is better sober. Yes my anxiety is a struggle but I am dealing with it properly now.

I did read most of Jason Vales book before i started so that may have helped. But the main thing was just saying 'Lets just try this one year and see what happens'. A year goes pretty fast to be honest!

I doubt I will ever go back to drinking like I used to. Turns out I am even funnier and more interesting sober than I ever was drunk Grin

GetYourFingersOutOfThere · 06/07/2014 22:08

Wow the Rob Kelly book on Amazon is £25 Shock

I can see how funny it would seem that I happily waste £70 a week on wine but I'm scoffing at £25 for a book....

OP posts:
GetYourFingersOutOfThere · 06/07/2014 22:10

Sorry Nikki I didn't see your post 6 months is a massive accomplishment, I really can't see me ever getting that far.

I can't see how a week is possible, how will I manage to cope, I'm having a downer on myself tonight

OP posts:
littlewhitebag · 06/07/2014 22:11

Hello folks. It's bed time and i have had nothing stronger than tea or water. Luckily my passion for wine is almost equalled by my passion for Earl Grey tea!

littlewhitebag · 06/07/2014 22:12

getyourfingers Have you managed not to drink this evening?

tribpot · 06/07/2014 22:19

So you try and do a week, GetYourFingersOut. See how it goes. The reason why AA say one day at a time is because it is too disheartening to consider the prospect of long term recovery at the moment. And when you're looking for an excuse to drink, "I'll never manage this for a week" seems to fit the bill nicely!

If wine is your particular poison, as I think it is for many of us on this thread, I think you need to ask your DH to stop drinking it at home for the duration. If he buys it for you anyway you need to put it beyond use - in extremis by tipping it away (I don't think he'll keep doing it in that case) or by locking it in the car overnight or something to make it more difficult to get to.

There is literally no way I could have given up if we had had wine in the house. I couldn't have it in the house now.

tribpot · 06/07/2014 22:39

MN tweeted this just now, might be useful!

GetYourFingersOutOfThere · 06/07/2014 23:02

little no, I am drinking tonight, I have a busy and important day tomorrow but I'm still here drinking and knowing I will spend the morning worried that someone will smell it on me and no doubt they will but won't say anything.

I have bought a book on amazon though...

OP posts:
littlewhitebag · 06/07/2014 23:10

Hope your day goes well tomorrow. I didn't drink tonight but one day does not make me a smug non drinker. It will be a different story once my DH gets back from his business trip. Good night for now. Sleep well.

GetYourFingersOutOfThere · 06/07/2014 23:29

Thank you

I have read tribots link twice and trying to hide the tears.

That will be me if I don't stop now.

OP posts:
tribpot · 06/07/2014 23:40

Don't hide the tears - you're right. That will be you. It would have been me. Now you drink water and try to get to bed before midnight. Tomorrow's another day and you can think things through then.

Don't use your sudden fear as a reason to drink more - that's what I would have done! It isn't you yet and you have an opportunity to turn it around.