I am 20 weeks pregnant and something is happening with my husband where the more pregnant I become, the more attention he demands from me and everyone else. I have had two bouts of bronchitis since getting pregnant and suffered with pelvic girdle pain. Unable to take meds I was ill for about two months solid. Throughout my illness he refused to do things that would help me, like opening windows so I could cool off when I was overheating and I had a fever (he would insist they were closed because of his allergies,) not allowing me the food I wanted or felt like because he deemed it to be junk or inappropriate for a pregnant woman. I barely had the energy to get it/make it myself, so just had to go along with what he chose for me and my preferences were not taken into account. The whole time it was like he was testing me to see if I would put him or myself/baby first.
I've had the other prrgnancy gamut of symptoms : some constipation, sickness, UTI infection etc. In our day to day life if I have to mention that I am experiencing any of these (to explain why it's uncomfortable to have sex for eg) his response will be "I have it too, but much much worse." Really, if he has it too, and worse than me, then how is he doing all the things I am finding it hard to do?
Last week I got attacked on the street. It was bad enough to have to call the police immediately and has had several follow ups. I was very upset and friends I told were concerned and have followed up with me in the last week to check I am okay. When I called DH as soon as it happened, he first of all blamed me for "going out alone" while pregnant and then had a short-lived rant about how he would beat the men up, which had faded by the time I got home, shaken, because he was watching the Workd Cup. And he hasn't mentioned it since or asked how I am feeling. He simply complains constantly about business deals of his which do not go through and expects long conversations about his feelings over these and various other things that happen.
The world ended for him yesterday (sarcasm) because he contracted a cold. Since then there have been dramatic displays of taking to his bed and demanding pills, meals, hot drinks, inhalations. Onviously I am chief nurse. i have had to cancel meetings for him, and he keeps me up all night with these dramatic dashes to the toilet because - heaven forbid - his nose is "dripping." Why he can't just get a tissue and wipe it in bed is beyond me, all the lights in the house have to be switched on and he has to run to the bathroom, opening and slamming doors like we are having an emergency and has to run his nose under a tap for five minutes.
He is very proud of my bump and draws attention to it constantly in public. He obviously enjoys the attention he receives from having a pregnant wife. In the privacy of the house he is very affectionate too, but I am really uncomfortable with his constant pointing at and fondling of my bump in front of strangers who very obviously feel obligated to say "congratulations."
He was NEVER like this before I was pregnant. We both took care of each other selflessly when we were ill, he used to talk to me as much as I needed about difficult things that would happen, and he was my best friend as well as my husband. But right now I can't even look at him without finding him completely pathetic. I am not in love with him at the moment and I admit that I am cold and distant to him when he tries to talk to me about how he is feeling.
I just don't know if this kind of dynamic change is common in a relationship during pregnancy? Obviously I am hormonal and that is affecting my feelings (I heard some women irrationally hate their husband the entire 9 months.) basically it is like he has become a child. He has said a few times that he will be replaced when the baby gets here (and he does it in a baby voice - again completely new to me - we are not the kind of couple who talks in baby language to each other.) he needs to just step up to the mark and be an adult.
Any thoughts would be appreciated and also to tell me if I sound like an impatient, bitter old cow too.