The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Sipping Super Summer Mocktails Whilst Soaking Up Some Sun.

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm what some would call a 'controlled' drinker these day, but I wasn't always and I'm not alone on this wonderful bus, Gerald, when I say that.

We have drinkers who drink each day, those who abstain completely and those who are not sure what it is that they actually want just yet....

We won't judge you for drinking, no matter what your reason is, we've all been in your shoes somewhere along the way!! And we have ALL used every excuse under the sun too!

We have some Babes who ride on the Roof-Rack, (clinging on for dear life ) and then we have an expandable Side-Car, which some Babes use, but the bus, well, the bus, our wonderful Gerald, who takes us here and there, to pick up people in need of an unbiased and much needed ear to listen to. :)

There are lots of ears on this bus, and not a single one will turn you away and not listen!

Two things that we do believe here are -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

If you are lurking and reading this thread, there is a reason for it, isn't there?

Stay lurking or come and say hello! We don't always bite.

And for those who'd like a bit of history, HERE'S THE LAST THREAD

And of course, THIS IS WHY WE ARE ALL HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE, A VERY AWE INSPIRING READ

See you soon x

mafisa and baby, thank you so much - the encouragement from here is amazing and im so glad i found these threads. ive got a starter pack to read from the AA meet so when i go to bed ill take it and do a bit of bedtime reading. Also the lady running the show gave me a card with her number and said if i need to talk i can ring her anytime - its nice to know i have a safety net.

goodnight to all the babes - see you for day 3 tomorrow.

Baby, Spanna, Beaches and lovely Mouse, thanks for your kind words and good advice. I know I have to psyche myself up to take it.

A bit of background to my meltdown. Have had a couple of days off and Saturday was my birthday (bloody old, 47 if you must know and getting fatter every year it seems).

It began with a lovely day being spoilt by kids and friends, followed by a lovely celebration meal where a few drinks seemed a good idea .... but that was followed by some disappointments - people letting me down with arrangements for spending my precious holiday time at very last minute, plus a training course I was depending on for my CV being stopped because we were short staffed and an awful, awful teleconference about work which I had to do on my annual leave and that catapulted me into what I call panic drinking, which of course made me feel worse and brought my fitness and getting organised timetable to a massive halt, so then felt lazy and guilty too.

So one thing led to another led to panic attacks, - which thankfully had to pull myself out of today after going on planned day out to beach with very lovely friends from years ago which really helped (though had mini-meltdown before going, Amazon didn't deliver my friend's daughter's present on time and I virtually had to be scraped off the ceiling)

So day 2 here but of course it is 2am and am awake because really panicking about going back to work tomorrow. Been working 12 hour days and having leave cancelled, they are ringing at weekends and calling me at 5.00pm on Fridays to say I need to take laptop home and work at night. Been refused access to training opportunities (as we are short staffed) and refused overtime or time off in lieu (which I can take in theory but not in practice due to short staffing). And to top it all the told the team at a meeting in front of other departments that they are making our team smaller - and my big fear is not being made redundant (bring it on!!!) but being made to stay and being stuck in smaller team then ever, working round the clock and going through increasingly tortuous forced distribution appraisals.

Another colleague has just gone off sick for a month. (guessing stress). The unions are begging us to report bullying - but with the chief culprit on the same teleconference! I think I am having a mid-life crisis, but just want to take my redundancy money and leave - but as main breadwinner with 2 dependent kids (and useless oh) it is hard to do and harder without the redundancy.

The night of the panic attack we had been told they can't afford redundancies and will forcibly redeploy us in jobs up to an hour's travel time away or make us stay. So if I jump ship, am waving goodbye to 12 years' rights to redundancy, sick pay, built up holiday etc.

Sorry for mega post, and bringing down the thread. Not sure who said about normal drinkers drinking when happy and problem drinkers drinking while stressed but it did strike a thread with me. Other colleagues have told me they are having meltdowns at work, sneaking off for a cry, fighting back tears at their desks and then going home and opening a bottle - but I can't shut it again, so making it harder for myself to get through the days. And now it seems I'm a bloody insomniac!!! Which is new.

Thanks to all babes for listening - and Baby, thanks for confiding, I am in awe of you and how well you are doing - I might not always post when I want to (usually cos bloody phone won't co-operate half the time and cuts out or loses posts) but I think you are amazing and silently cheer your every post. I would love counselling (had bereavement counselling when mum died which helped) but can't / daren't as for the time off work. Oh, the irony!

Same with SoberSoc, Ma of 10 Downing Street (curtseys), Beaches, Mouse, Why, Spanna and babes I don't know yet including the hilarious Wry, Marfisa, Vicar, littlewhitebag, Alison and Margaret. Sorry if I have missed anyone out, I think you are all brilliant.

Sorry for long, long post.... I am normally more fun than this, honestly! Just need to drag myself out of this despond. And get out of this job.

You are all lovely.. ice creams on me tomorrow xxxx

Bloody hell looking.....no wonder you are stressed. im a fellow insomniac. ....what do you do for a living? I had a well documented break down 18 months ago. ...when I say breakdown, I was stressed out of my head with work....physically ill, mentally ill. I fought to stay at work but gave in in the end....took 5 months off....did.me the world of good. is that an option?

Hope snap 47 too - it does seem ancient doesn't it I do think that as birthdays come about each year the 'build up' really does have us (well me anyway) reflecting on our lives, thinking about our loved ones here and with the angels, looking at where we're at and looking at the future...... which can be frightening!!
Your work situation sounds diabolical, I would say though, that you have 12 years service, you are entitled to sick pay, I think you should seriously think about having yourself 'signed off' for as long as you need. Sounds like some of your colleagues are doing the same. I am shocked at the way you are being treated, it is de-motivating, so 'up in the air' how are you all supposed to function and do a good job??? I really feel for you. Is is worth anonymously contacting the Union to let them know what's going on? Please don't worry about your track record, taking time off etc You need to keep your sanity
Happy Belated Birthday Babe, you did make me LOL, scraping yourself off the ceiling, you see, your humour is still here even at extremely adverse times. YOU are a strong woman. YOU will be OK. Please think of YOURSELF. After all, we do only get one life (that we're certain of) and YOU need to live it without this rollercoaster. They sound like utter wankers and twunts. Take care Honey and keep posting xxx

Checking in to this busy busy bus.
rural hope your op goes OK. I think of you often. Those of us married to wankbadgers must stick together.
hope be kind to yourself. You have a lot to deal with
All the Babes, new and old ( won't name check as am bound to miss someone)- you are all bloody brilliant. Seriously. Let us all go out into the world today and kick some ass!

Baby you made tears come to my eyes with your kind words, you are a rock for this bus (a diamond, of course) I luvs you for that. You are warm, understanding, funny and so honest. Thank you for being you

Day 1 again here I'm really not doing very well. I've still not kicked the fags, urgh! In fact I am quite pissed off with my addictions at the moment. Years ago I had a very bad cocaine addiction (I have been clean for over 17 years, in fact I've lost count, could be longer) I over came my addiction without any outside help (just my X-partner, my DDs Father who I was with for 20 years) so surely if I can overcome that addiction surely I can kick the others??? I know that I use drink, smoking (sometimes pot) as my crutch and perhaps my cocaine alternative??? Anyway, sorry for woffle but had to get that out

Have a good day everyone, the sun has got his hat on

Ma just rubbing some dust from my eye. Thank you for that kick arse post, very motivating. Thank you. Have a good day Babe

Morning babes

looking If a friend came to you with that post and explained that her toxic work environment was making her ill,what would you say??

I left a job under similar circumstances earlier this year,if I hadn't gone then I would have lost my self esteem and probably my sanity.Leaving was very easy to do.

The relief of handing in my notice was like lancing a boil,everything was immediately better. Of course I've had to struggle financially so I don't take that commitment lightly but from the sounds of your post things really do have to change. I've had time and spare energy to look around and find out about new career options which was impossible when I was working stupid hours for a bully.

I just really,really wish you the best,no one deserves to have to work in appalling conditions like that. All of us babes are here for you whenever you need support. x

Right big wave to all but just going to nc the last few posts.

marfisa Nothing wrong with cancelling a social outing if you need a bit of peace and quiet! How are those meetings going? That's absolutely right that each person in aa has a different recovery story from everyone else. I found some of the stories hard too but them found quite a few women like me who 'functioned' but came home and opened up a bottle every night.I came to realise that I had made myself extremely unhappy because of my drinking and needed to stop.Well done for having a sponsor - I'm just going and joining in,not 'doing' the steps.

somethingvicar Glad the meeting went well,sorry to hear that you had a vile time at work too.

rural ooh good to hear from you. Are you ok? Have you had the op?

spanna That is amazing that you have been clean for so long- well done.47? Prime of life! Go on then- what would you do if time/money/responsibilites were all taken care of?

ma it is wonderful to see how bonkers much happier you are now. You make me smile x

looking thanks for your kind words, gee whiz I feel stressed just reading about what your going through, I think it's inhumane to put you under this amount of pressure, I would definately look around tentatively for another job, just keep your options open. When I had my breakdown I would weep like a baby If I burnt the toast and your daughters present not arriving is awful but you are on a knife edge and a heart attack at your desk will not help your beautiful kids, PLEASE PLEASE see your doctor, get something to at least calm you down, I'm squashing you with a big scottish hug my lovely friend. Xxx

sober I woke up during the night and fretted for ages that I hadn't NC'd you, Your are me pioneer in the journey of sobriety and your ever lighter and positive posts inspired me to follow your life altering lead. You are a shining example of what sharing and baring our souls can do for other babes, you go girlfriend xxx

I'm now in a position I can sit in the garden and watch my neighbours drinking wine, our fridge is full of cider for dh, who was hiding booze from me 5 weeks ago and is now in the pub most nights and has a few spliffs later on so conversation is nonsensicle and he seems to think he's done so well standing by me but he I think weed makes him detached and I'm like a typical only child always needing affection and reassurance. It's so sad that now I get up early, do my hair and makeup and dress better, even strangers are telling me I look "glamourous" every day (only cos I was a bag lady before, wine in the bags) and he just doesn't see me anymore. I know I must have hurt him with drunk and desparate ramblings but I try every day to make it up to everyone I hurt but our connection is severed and I resent him for not being that family man I've always dreamed of. I've had 2 marriages and picked detached men I thought I could save with my abundance of love, dh says I'm like an over anxious puppy, turned out I gave so much of myself I needed the saving.

I will make no hasty decisions at the moment but I cant help thinking looking back, the breakdown was creeping up on me for years, disappointment is an awful feeling to bear.

As I said a while back people don't get pissed out if their head every single night up the point of passing out because they're gloriously happy, it's despair that opens the gateway to oblivion.

Anyway I will continue my journey of sobriety, of awareness and of hope, and what's meant for me will not go by me.

And you babes have given me the courage to crawl out of my own hell so I can now face whatever lies ahead xxxx

Hi. Can I join you?
I need to. Briefly I am drinking too much.. every day. It used to be one wine a night.. then two.. and it's creeping up. I run a busy house and job, and function, but feel like crap in the mornings and I know I have a problem even though no one else does.

I have no idea where to start. Every night the wine calls me :( I don't want to be teetotal, but I want to be able to have one..and stop..and I have no idea if that is even possible. My plan.. ha.. is to stop completely for a while and see if I can manage that. There is one bottle left in the house.. then I am going to visit my ill Dad 150 miles away at the weekend so a good time to NOT have alcohol there.

That is my plan to start. I hate myself at the mo :(

Guggs if money and responsibilities were no object. I would drive into the sunset with my dog in my campervan I would take a long road trip around the UK and Europe (dog passport). Over the past 4 years I did a degree in Art & Design (with a focus on Craft) so I think I'd use my skills in glass and metal work, to do something creative with the elderly and kids. Something along those lines. I have never been this skint but I am much happier than when I had a business in London and the stress that comes with that

Thanks Guggs that was a good exercise for me to do. You are a star. And yes I agree - 47 is the prime of life

Good morning all. Just reporting in to say i feel crap today.

I feel tired, blue and weepy. No reason for it. I have a great life. But there it is, i just feel rubbish.

spanna Dog, camper van and sunset sound very appealing at the moment.

I have been hinting to DH about a camper van for ages. Just a little one. Maybe a refurbed VW.

I could pootle around just me and the dog (and DH if he wanted to join me). Exploring areas i have never been to. Sounds very, very appealing to me.

Hello everyone else. Hope you all have a good day.

I am going to watch the CWG on TV in the hope of some Scottish golds.

Let's put a few sleeping bags in the back of the bus and a wee chemical loo and voila we have a campervan, if we pooled our wine money together we could get a bloody tour bus, (wanders off with notions sex, tea and rock n roll).

Little I think there must be something in the air today - what are those naughty planets up to Buying my camper was one of the best things I've done, money well spent. At least it's not pissing down with rain. I hope your day gets better x

looking so for how you are feeling, but glad that you posted here. Reading what you say about your work I'm wondering if you are someone who takes on a lot of responsibility for those around you? I imagine that you are strong and capable, that you are someone that people rely on, that you're hard-working and motivated, and that you support others when they are finding things tough. I imagine that you are not someone who ever gives up, and that others around you rely on you to carry some of their load when they need it. And all of that is great. But it's not what is happening now - where you are now it sounds like the external pressures of your work are horrendous and overwhelming, and in that situation your usual approach of responsibility and hard-work is not a strategy which can work. Instead of making your stronger and increasing your resilience, your have been overloaded and overloaded, and no-one else is looking to see if you are approaching breaking point.

I see that some of your other colleagues have already gone off sick. On top of everything else, you CANNOT carry their load too - however much you might want to or be willing to try.

There is nothing wrong or weak in stepping back and seeing that a responsible approach (which has served you and others well up till now), is not the correct approach for the current extreme conditions. It is lie being in an airplane which is in an emergency - you are someone responsible, so what you must do now is to fit your OWN emergency mask before attempting to help other people. Without it you are no use to your work, your colleagues, your clients, your dc, your family.

So the question now, is: what does your emergency mask look like? Where can you go to re-establish your own strength and stamina? I am usually one to advocate a cautious approach, but when I read you posts I feel concerned for the extraordinary level of pressure you are under, and like other posters I would really recommend that you withdraw completely - go to your doc, get signed off immediately. Yes really.

I understand about your desire not to give up on potential redundancy, but this part of the battle is not really within your control and you are going to exhaust yourself fighting in that corner - it will either happen or not happen, and getting signed of sick (with very good reason) or not getting signed off sick is not going to make a difference to the outcome. The only difference it is going to make is to YOU, and your recovery from this terrible situation.

You are responsible, hard-working, strong, capable and resilient, so please use all those wonderful qualities towards yourself. Use them to take whatever action is needed for your self-preservation. Your own SELF-preservation, where SELF is your only priority. Not work, not elusive redundancy, not family finance - you can work on all of these once you have regained your strength. If you lose all your strength, your risk all of these anyway.

Lookingforhope please look for hope.
Venus xx

Last night I was there! What an atmosphere! John Barrowman, Karen Dunbar and SuBo aside, it was such fun - and even with the involvement of the aforementioned unholy trio there was the typical Scottish blend of simultaneously groaning at ourselves and laughing at ourselves. Of course it's easy to criticise any event like that, but the budget was relatively tiny, so it was what Glaswegians do best - make your own party! From the "come on in [name of country] welcome, to the heart-warming sense of community as people texted to UNICEF and held up their phones. I don't know how that came over on TV, but the change from the cynical comments when it was first introduced to the point 2 hours later where the stadium sparkled with little lights and an atmosphere of community and generosity and giving - humanity (of whatever nation) at its collective finest.

And then the moment when the home crowd first spotted the saltire, as the Scottish team waited at the entrance. God you could feel the excitement, it was electric. And the longer we waited, the more that built...... Even Alex Salmond leading the silence for the Malaysian plane - what an incredible contrast from cheering and yelling to deep compassion. All those things are what make a ceremony so much more than just a hyped up party.

And the last few moments when the baton wouldn't open - what a Scottish moment - everything planned and discussed, then a wee hitch (almost). Glasgow 2014 Commonwealth Games. Bring it on!

isindie !!! How lovely to see you. Have one of these

The dog is walked and i feel much better now.

I have coffee and pastries.

The TV is on and i am settling in to watch the triathlon. Strathclyde park looks lovely.

hope. I completely agree with all the other babes, you are under extraordinary pressure at work and it cannot go on. I understand that resigning would forfeit any hope of redundancy but would being signed off have the same effect? I can't imagine that your 12 years would be jeopardized due to ill health, that would be outrageous. My other concern would be, that the longer you 'manage' to carry the work of 3 people (or more) the LESS likely you would be to get selected for a redundancy package. We believe you deserve a better situation than this xxxx

baby epic post! Thank you for your my big ole hug

rural good luck for the op x

As for the rest of you motley crew, may the day be good to you all. I am in a state of chaos, moving day is Saturday and although there are many, many boxes packed there still seems to be stuff everywhere. I have a tendency to stick my head deep into the bottle sand when I feel overwhelmed but I know that is not going to bring anything but more panic. TODAY I WILL NOT BE DRINKING.

hello babes good to see you isinde

Day 2, the failure that was Monday night somehow led to another failure on Tuesday night (my self-control is always lower the day after drinking) Also - hmm, I should really tell my husband if I'm planning to be AF - he is supportive but if he doesn't know then he trips me up with unexpected wine.

Watched the opening ceremony last night, and when John Barrowman said "Scotland, where the women blether !" DH (English) just turned to me and sniggered.

Yay Isinde is back, great to see you my friend
Looking can only agree with Venus and other babes, really feel for you and hope you will see your GP and get signed off sick as isinde advised. hugs x
Welcome medusa stick around and keep posting this bus is a good place to be. x
Beaches, Ma, Mouse, Guggs, Venus, Spanna, Joey, marfisa, Baby J,Vicard, white and all the other wonderful babes posting or not. I Luffs you all
Op tomorrow hoping to be home Monday or Tuesday. Ah well at least I get a rest from from wankbadger DH .
Catch you later babes-- keeping kicking that WW

Beaches Babe Boxes Babe, I am very familiar just keep going honey. I have no doubt that you have a list or lists I wish you a smooth move on Saturday. Get those boys working . What's your new place like? Huggles and calmness coming at you x

Rural I'll be thinking of you tomorrow re wankbadger x