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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice needed DS1 (20) called me a whore

92 replies

Blush12 · 19/06/2014 21:54

I have been away for a few days with work. Noticed that DS1 had been smoking in the kitchen when I returned and had left the dirty dishes with food left on that him and his girlfriend had.

I asked why was he smoking when I have asked before not to smoke in the house. He then started on a rant about not having any food in the house. I said DS1 when you start paying board I will buy you food maybe I am unreasonable at that but I am a single parent with 2 DS and DS1 works and brings home between around £265 per week of which he spends on himself and he doesn't think he should pay board so I said a couple of months ago if that is the case I wont by you any food in.

But tonight when I said that again he said well you are just a f@@king whore who wouldn't feed her child Sad

I am distraught what do I do..... He isn't a child he is an adult....

OP posts:
CointreauVersial · 19/06/2014 21:56

I'd be helping him pack.

Shakey1500 · 19/06/2014 21:56

Tell him to move out and pay for his own bloody room and board if he's so unhappy. No way would I put up with that.

Clothes in bin bags, decorate his old room.

NollaigShona · 19/06/2014 21:57

Me too. He needs to know the boundaries.

CanaryYellow · 19/06/2014 21:58

Kick him out.

See if he can find somewhere else where he can live, eat and use the utilities, all for free, while insulting his host.

He sounds like an ungrateful shit. A taste of the real world will do him some good.

ajandjjmum · 19/06/2014 21:58

He really needs to either understand how lucky he is, or to be shown the door so that he can find out how easy it is to look after himself.

Sorry Blush - I don't know how you start to drum something like that into a 20 year old.

RoseyHope · 19/06/2014 21:59

I think he needs some hard lessons about respect and responsibility as an adult. Put his things in bags and send them round to a friend's house. I know it seems harsh but he needs to grow up. He won't hold it against you forever x

LizzieBelle · 19/06/2014 21:59

Tell him you fed your children, now they are grown up and can feed themselves. He has a serious lack of respect for you. If Dad isnt around, have you got a parent who can have a word with him.

And, he should pay board. At least £40 a week.

Sending a hug, I know what it is like x

Original poster
Blush12 · 19/06/2014 22:00

I want him to go as this is just a long line on verbal from him.

I said to him that him and his girlfriend wasn't to stop here tonight. I am disgust and feel sick...

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/06/2014 22:00

He needs to go.

Sorry he said that to you :(

LizzieBelle · 19/06/2014 22:01

print this and put it on your fridge

Advice needed DS1 (20) called me a whore
AnyFucker · 19/06/2014 22:01

He would be leaving my house, tonight

Who the fuck does he think he is ?

Figster · 19/06/2014 22:02

Get him out he's earning do can find somewhere else, send to stay with his girlfriend even. Little shit

LizzieBelle · 19/06/2014 22:02

Do not let the GF stay! Christ - that just gives him an audience!

I used to judge boyfriends on how they treated their mums

Badvoc2 · 19/06/2014 22:03

Pack his stuff into bin bags.
Leave it outside.
Change the locks.

GemmaTeller · 19/06/2014 22:04

20 years old, doesn't pay his way and speaks to his mother like that?

If it was my son, his bags would on the doorstep tomorrow.

passmethewineplease · 19/06/2014 22:05

He would be out on his arse.

What a disrespectful little shit.

Original poster
Blush12 · 19/06/2014 22:05

No he doesn't see his dad, I have mentioned to his grandparents but they said they dont won't to get involved...

I think it's a lost cause ... I feel like I have been a crap mother.. I have started to get to the point where I don't want to come home when I so he is in due to him being constantly rude..

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/06/2014 22:06

He needs to learn the hard way.

I hope one day he will apologise and regret how he is treating you. He may well do.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/06/2014 22:07

Plenty of people act like arses at 20 then grow up.
But don't put up with it and let him stay.

DramaAlpaca · 19/06/2014 22:07

My DS1 is the same age as yours. If he ever spoke to me like that, I would make him leave. That is completely unacceptable behaviour & I'm sorry you've been subjected to it.

I think you should insist that he leaves tonight and make it clear that if he wants to come back & live with you he needs to behave like an adult. That means cleaning up after himself, accepting your house rules, and paying board.

You are not a crap mother, he is an adult & he is responsible for his behaviour, not you.

ContentedSidewinder · 19/06/2014 22:08

No, I'm sorry I would also show him the door.

Respect is the minimum he should be giving you, he should also be paying his way towards the household expenses.

You teach people how to treat you, so get his key off him and he leaves. Right now. At 20 he is more than capable of looking after himself.

Let's see how well he does.

Armi · 19/06/2014 22:08

He's got to go. What an unpleasant little turd.

mithuseretrod · 19/06/2014 22:09

That is NASTY. He is only 20. Hopefully You and He will both live for decades and decades. YOU need to erect boundaries and demand the respect you deserve.

I dont mean say nasty things back, try to avoid that, but he needs to leave your home now.

AnyFucker · 19/06/2014 22:09

He won't learn the consequences of his actions of you keep crying and staying away from your own house because you are frightened of his behaviour

Come on now. Time to stand up for yourself. You are doing him no favours at all if you keep swallowing this abuse from him.

goshhhhhh · 19/06/2014 22:09

I would tell him to leave and tell him why. He is not a child but a responsible adult and needs to behave like one.

Also set some ground rules with your ds2.