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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Advice needed DS1 (20) called me a whore

92 replies

Blush12 · 19/06/2014 21:54

I have been away for a few days with work. Noticed that DS1 had been smoking in the kitchen when I returned and had left the dirty dishes with food left on that him and his girlfriend had.

I asked why was he smoking when I have asked before not to smoke in the house. He then started on a rant about not having any food in the house. I said DS1 when you start paying board I will buy you food maybe I am unreasonable at that but I am a single parent with 2 DS and DS1 works and brings home between around £265 per week of which he spends on himself and he doesn't think he should pay board so I said a couple of months ago if that is the case I wont by you any food in.

But tonight when I said that again he said well you are just a f@@king whore who wouldn't feed her child

I am distraught what do I do..... He isn't a child he is an adult....

OP posts:

Jamie1981 · 20/06/2014 09:36

You've done the right thing. I don't know where kids these days get their self-entitlement. My DH's eldest is the same. Off to Uni in September and is currently playing him and his spiteful Ex off against each other, to see who will pay her the most (yes, you heard, PAY her) to stay with them during the holidays. She's told my DH she wants £20 a week and full board and lodging as she needs to concentrate on her studies during holidays and doesn't want to work. He's told her she's having a laugh, but spiteful ex is saying he is tight (although notably refusing to help herself!)

Quitelikely · 20/06/2014 09:38

Good for you. And also this a lesson to any mothers out there who spoil their children. If you do it can come back to bite you on the butt. And it doesn't do them any favours in the long term.

If you let him home make sure he pays his way in the form of board. It's also shown your other dc that you won't tolerate this sort of behaviour.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 20/06/2014 09:41

Well done. Perhaps he will learn some respect. The world owes him a living, huh? Yeah, good luck with that.

Fluffycloudland77 · 20/06/2014 09:50

I'd change the barrell on the lock, it's not expensive to do..

You don't want him coming back. Sorry it got to this for you but it might make him a better person in the long run.

He shouldn't have spoken to you like that.

MisForMumNotMaid · 20/06/2014 09:57

Well done. You've been so strong.

Up thread someone mentions about redecorating 'his room'.

I think that this is a really good idea. Box/ bag up everything. Strip it from being his room to being a room in your house.

If at some point you allow him to return, its as an adult guest not as a child who can slip back into the stroppy teenage behaviour patterns. Changing the bedroom would make this a clear statement.

prettybird · 20/06/2014 10:00

Good luck - you've done the right thing.

As well as changing the locks, make sure that all your windows are secure. As someone who knows the house, he may well also know all its weak points.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 20/06/2014 10:01

He's probably gone to his girlfriend's parent's house and spun them some convincing sob-story. This is going to give him a roof over his head for a few days but probably not for much longer than that. Then, he'll be wanting to come back.

If you haven't stripped his bed and cleared out his room, you need to do that over the weekend, so when he returns he will see his stuff packed up and near the door for him to take away.

DO NOT let him back in! He needs to have a taste of looking after himself and paying his own way in the world. It's only then that he will have some respect for you. Plus, it will show your other child that you're not to be disrespected or used or they will suffer similar consequences.

Hindsight is always 50/50 but what you should have done was to charge him a sensible amount of keep when he received his first pay-packet. Don't make the same mistake again with your other child!

DramaAlpaca · 20/06/2014 10:02

Well done Blush12.

Hope you are OK this morning.

Fontella · 20/06/2014 16:48

Blush I kicked my son out when he was still only 17. Hardest thing I've ever done but he was was making our lives hell and his sister was just about to take her GCSEs and it was really affecting her.

He was away two years - moved back in at the end of last year and he's a different kid. Polite, respectful, helpful, tidy, cleans up after himself and treats me with complete respect.

He tells me himself it was the best thing I could have done for my daughter, for me and for him.

Nomama · 20/06/2014 18:54

Definitely pack up his belongings and store them close to the front door, so when he comes back he doesn't need to come in.

You don't have to worry about him financially, he earns more than enough to rent a B+B until he can get himself a bedsit, flat, house share. And I am sure his GF/BF will be fooled by his cover story for a while.

He has passed the point of no return and you can only firmly show him the error of his ways and hope he grows up that last little bit before he makes himself truly miserable.

Good luck

tobysmum77 · 20/06/2014 19:39

well done op. unlike others am not convinced 265 a week is going to buy him the life he imagines. 100 living in a shared house, 50 on fags, 30 on food, 20 on bus fares. mmmm 65 a week for clothing/ going out/ takeaways/ saving for holidays haha. He has some hard truths winging their way to him.

DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld · 20/06/2014 19:48

Well done you! Everyone's right, he has a shitty attitude and will only learn the hard way.

Under no circumstances let him move back, he's an adult now and needs to act like one. Even if things get tough, financially or otherwise - part of being a grown up is dealing with those situations, not just running back to mummy expecting a bail-out.

He'll appreciate you a whole lot more when he has to wash his own socks!

LizzieBelle · 20/06/2014 21:03

Look honey, if DS2 isnt like that, you cant have done that badly!

Enjoy your friday night!

twizzleship · 20/06/2014 22:51

he doesn't think he should pay board so I said a couple of months ago if that is the case I wont by you any food in

When/if he comes back and lives under your roof....as well as expecting him to treat you with the basic respect and manners that he should be, remind him that it is you who decides if he is paying board or not. Then you charge him whatever you think is fair. he will never get rid of his entitled attitude otherwise

JokersGiggle · 21/06/2014 13:39

Jesus! If I spoke to my mum like that my feet wouldn't touch the floor as I flew out the door!!!
don't let him back til he learns some respect and manners x

brokenhearted55a · 21/06/2014 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdoraBell · 21/06/2014 15:15

Well done OP.

Does the GF know he talks To his mother in this way?

And I'm sure you Did provide for the children, but this one is now an adult and it's a different game. Hopefully being told to leave will help him complete the growing up process.

and for you.

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