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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice needed DS1 (20) called me a whore

92 replies

Blush12 · 19/06/2014 21:54

I have been away for a few days with work. Noticed that DS1 had been smoking in the kitchen when I returned and had left the dirty dishes with food left on that him and his girlfriend had.

I asked why was he smoking when I have asked before not to smoke in the house. He then started on a rant about not having any food in the house. I said DS1 when you start paying board I will buy you food maybe I am unreasonable at that but I am a single parent with 2 DS and DS1 works and brings home between around £265 per week of which he spends on himself and he doesn't think he should pay board so I said a couple of months ago if that is the case I wont by you any food in.

But tonight when I said that again he said well you are just a f@@king whore who wouldn't feed her child Sad

I am distraught what do I do..... He isn't a child he is an adult....

OP posts:
DustBunnyFarmer · 19/06/2014 22:10

So far, pretty unanimous RTB (rehome the bastard). Another vote here.

corlan · 19/06/2014 22:11

He needs to go.
He's not a child. I'm so sorry for you, but you should not put up with that.

Corygal · 19/06/2014 22:11

Get him out.

HaroldLloyd · 19/06/2014 22:11

God yes, he's earning enough to move out.

Tell him you won't accept being spoken to like that and he can go and stand on his own two feet, won't feed him?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 19/06/2014 22:12

Boot the ungrateful little shit out. He'll learn one of two lessons:

1)He'll realise how nice it is at home and learn to appreciate you.
2)He'll realise he likes his own freedom.

Asamumnonsense · 19/06/2014 22:14

Be brave and tell him to move out.. He cannot speak to his mother that way. He'll make a habit of it if he stays. Has he apologised at all?

MrsBungle · 19/06/2014 22:14

He needs a tough lesson. Tell him to leave. Totally unacceptable. Poor you.

Yambabe · 19/06/2014 22:16

Been there, done that. The hardest thing I ever did was throw my son out. This was my baby, my reason for living for the last 21 years.

But he was also a lazy, entitled, disrespectful shit and while I know that my own softness probably cause dat least some of that I finally reached the point where I couldn't take it any more. He had to go because I was at real risk of hurting him or breaking down completely.

He went to stay with his gf. I sobbed for 2 days, then phoned him and asked him to meet me for a coffee. We talked on neutral ground, I told him WHY what he did was so upsetting to me then I left.

2 months later, after sporadic texting, phoning and the odd meet up, he asked if he could come home. By that time he had got a job, and he was a different person.

He's still here, aged 28. Still working. Pays rent. Buys and cooks his own meals, does his own washing. We get on great (although I still have to occasionally get in his face about smoking in the house, I don't smoke at all, he tries it on maybe once or twice a year)

Making him leave will be a shock to him, and hopefully give him a reality check.

Good luck. Have a (hug) and some Thanks

Blush12 · 19/06/2014 22:18

Yes thank you everyone for your advice, I am going to tell him to leave.

You try your best as a mother and they treat you like this.

OP posts:
HowsTheSerenity · 19/06/2014 22:18

He is 20.
Old enough to have sex, vote, smoke, work, go to war and stand on his own two feet.
You are not a crap mother. You have a son who is being an ungrateful shit.
Tell him he has one week to move out. No excuses.
Yes you will feel bad as he is your son. That's normal. But he has to grow up and realise that actions have consequences.

Blush12 · 19/06/2014 22:19

I just needed reassuring that I was right in my thinking, as some times hard to know if you are doing the right thing.

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AnyFucker · 19/06/2014 22:20

No, don't give him a week, it is dragging it out too long and you will weaken

A 20yo can pack a bag in 5 minutes. He would be out tonight, faster than his shitty legs could carry him

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/06/2014 22:20

My cousins son was like this at 20. She despaired.

He has since apologised and now is a respectful man.

So don't despair.

But don't put up with his ill treatment.

Pagwatch · 19/06/2014 22:23

Yep - throw him out.
My son is 21. He is here at the moment.
If he ever spoke to me like that his bags would be out on the front step.
And ffs, get his girlfriend out.
Seriously.

The only 'bad parenting' you are guilty of is not teaching him that you don't get to be a dick when someone else is paying your rent.

Seriously. Bags on the doorstep. Tonight.

Blush12 · 19/06/2014 22:26

He hasn't apologised.. He always thinks the world owes him etc.....

Lucky DS2 is totally different.

I am getting to the point where I feel like killing him..

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 19/06/2014 22:27

What everyone else said!

AnyFucker · 19/06/2014 22:27

Have you told him to leave ?

Dontlaugh · 19/06/2014 22:31

If he's old enough to go to war, then he's old enough to respect those who care for him.
He is to be instructed to leave, ASAP. Tomorrow if not tonight. Locks changed.
Are you scared of his reaction?

Blush12 · 19/06/2014 22:41

No not scared as I would ring the police...

I have told him leave and he is just responded f@@k you and took a carrier bag full of stuff.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/06/2014 22:43

Took it where ? Anywhere out of your house ? That is a good result.

bloodyteenagers · 19/06/2014 22:44

He would be shown the door so fucking quick he wouldn't know what the fuck had hit him.
Tell the disrespectful gobshite to fuck off and live elsewhere. He's earning, he can rent a room somewhere. Hopefully then he will grow up into a man instead of the tosser he is at the moment.

Really don't know why you are putting up with this shite... And it's not even the first time.. FFs woman, stop being a doormat to him. He's an adult. About time he grows up and acts like one.

CoffeeTea103 · 19/06/2014 22:46

He is a twat, sorry but how dare he speak to you like that. He's a grown man, is that how he thinks he can talk to a woman let alone his dm.

Pagwatch · 19/06/2014 22:47

Well then bag up the rest of it, lock the door, and start bring the parent in this situation.

Preciousbane · 19/06/2014 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blush12 · 19/06/2014 22:53

I am defiantly not going to be a doormat to him

He has gone and I have his key..

I know I have been too soft in the past due to me being laid back.... But this has just been the push..

OP posts: