Oh FFS, who does that??!

[TheBookofRuth]

My two year old DD has a temperature and isn't very well. I've been up for the past two hours trying to get her back to sleep, and finally succeeded and started to go back to bed - only to walk face first into our bedroom door in the dark.

I hit it with enough force to make me fall over backwards, narrowly avoiding falling down the stairs - I'm 34 weeks pregnant. It really fucking hurt - there's a huge lump on my forehead, I have a headache, my nose and lip are sore and swollen, and I'm quite shaken up.

DH got up to see what the noise was, got me some paracetamol at my request - and then went back to bed. DD of course got woken up again by all the commotion, and was quite distressed, so he's gone back to bed and left his shocked, injured, pregnant wife to cope alone with his sick child.

Who the fuck did I marry?

Oh sweetpea. Poor you! I wpuld take poorly dd stick her in bed with lazy dp and you go and get a good night's rest in DDs bed.

Either that or take Dd in with you if you think she will settle and kick.him out onto the sofa in a 'oh dd is poorly and i have hurt myself ...so she needs to be in with me. You better jump onto the sofa so you can get some sleep wouldn't want us keeping you awake' e kinda way.

Have taken DD into bed with me. He's gone to the spare room in a huff because "what did I expect him to do?"

I just want him to look after me for a change, is that so much to ask? I'm in pain and very shaken up - I am still, literally, shaking - and he's just gone to sleep in another room.

He cut his finger the other day and got more care and attention from me for that than I did from him after smashing my face on a bloody door.

Your DH is very unkind and uncaring. Why didn't he get up, help you back to bed, get you an ice pack and then settle your DD? He needs to step up his game big time before your next baby arrives.

Please show him this post.

OMG poor you!! That sounds truly horrid, yikes! Hope it's just bruising and you're back to normal soon.

As for DP I have no words!!

You poor thing Op.

Horrible feeling to hurt yourself and be ignored. The cheek of him being in a huff. Selfish git.

Poor you.
I'd tell him how his actions made you feel, perhaps tonight when you have time to talk about it rather than during the before work rush. If not then perhaps text him so he knows how much pain you were in on top of tiredness and stress from DD and being pregnant asking to talk it over when he gets home. That way he has more time to think about it too.
He was an idiot but if he was half asleep still people can be very dumb (to give him the benefit of the doubt).
You need to get it off your chest, but in a way that won't cause an argument and stress you out more.
I hope you have a better day. Take care.

I love the way he closed the bedroom door in the first place--you know, because somehow it's just so noisy in the house and a man needs to sleep.

Not his best night.

What a wankbadger. Selfish git.

If I heard my husband crash into something and fall, I wouldn't be able to stop myself running over to see whether he's okay. The adrenaline would kick in and I'd be wide awake.

I hope you feel better today and are able to just have a sofa day.

Do NOT show him this thread. As he appears to be a twat I doubt very much it would go down well.

Before he leaves for work tell him he needs to bring dinner home for you and make a packed lunch for DD given that you have had a broken night, are pregnant and really need an early day.

Tell him he was out of order last night, explain exactly what he was "supposed to do" given that he is too thick/stupid/selfish to work that out and make it clear it never is to happen again.

.

It sounds like you might need to get medical treatment today, OP. That sounds like a nasty head injury - I would be off to the Walk In Centre to discuss. Obviously you won't be able to take a poorly 2 year old with you, which will require him to stay at home and have a go at looking after his ill child.

What a knobber ! I hope your not feeling too sore/ bad today .
Same advice as above, get him to sort meals while you & dd get some rest/ sleep.
Is he usually hands on with dd?
I would have expected him to be up with poorly child as your pg.

Thanks everyone. Not so bad this morning, now I'm over the shock. Have a big lump and a cut on my forehead but it could be worse.

He is normally very hands on with DD - he leaves for work at 5.30am everyday so that he can leave in time to see DD and put her to bed. Yesterday evening he ran the mile from the station because she was going to bed early due to being poorly and he didn't want to miss her. But he has form for selfish, self-centred behaviour where I'm concerned. Recently he's been banging on about how I need to take it easier at this stage in the pregnancy but not actually doing anything to help me do that. Every time when I get fed up and speak to him about it, he'll apologise, usually buy me a present (despite my telling him over and over that I can't be bought off and I'd rather he didn't try), and then run around martyring himself for a few days (making me feel terrible and wish I hadn't said anything ), before slipping back into old ways.

He was full of apologies this morning but I couldn't even bring myself to speak to him. I just feel so hurt and let down, I don't know if an apology is going to be enough this time.

Your DH sounds lovely to leave work at that time every morning. My DH has never done this, wouldn't do it. Ive been responsible for the whole of DC's care since they were born, throughout pregnancy after birth. My DH has even been away on holiday, is out tonight to watch the Football e.t.c He is with us every weekend though. We love and respect each other so give each other space and time to do our own thing.

Your DH also apologises and buys you presents, is hands on and you give him the silent treatment? You sound like a fussy, ill tempered and spoilt.

While I agree that your DH could have dealt with last night better, he sounds wonderful by what you've just told us.

BTW, things will get trickier when number 2 comes along so you will need to calm down and stop giving your DH a hard time, swearing/abusing him.

Well thank you so much for that. I happen to think that regardless of anything else, leaving your injured, pregnant, upset wife alone to deal with a sick child in the middle of the night is unacceptable. Perhaps if you had higher standards of what's acceptable in a relationship, your own husband might treat you better?

And at no point did I shout at, swear at or "abuse" him, I don't know where you got that from. I swore on here because I was angry and upset, and to avoid having a row in the middle of the night when the whole household was tired and two out of three of us were upset and in pain.

It's incredibly tough when your OH does everything for the LO and nothing for you. I often feel like a walking uterus/au pair with my DH too. I've realised he needs very explicit instructions and constant reminders. It must be a hundred times harder at 35 weeks pregnant.

Greedygal, you, on the other hand sound delightful have a

He did fuck up. Its hard in the middle of the night to get things right, I think.

It sounds like he can be selfish but does his best to fight it. He works hard - for you all -loves his DC and has apologized a lot. I hope you feel better.

(I fucked up something yesterday so I'm encouraging everyone to be forgiving today!)

So because you chose to stay with a man who takes no responsibility for his own kids, the rest of us should just be grateful for any support we do get? And to do otherwise, even on an Internet forum, is "abusing" my DH?

No thanks. That's not the sort of life I want to lead, nor the sort of example I want to set my daughter.

Eh? Swearing about someone on a thread, is very different to abusing them and it really doesn't help anyone to conflate the two.

You are swearing at her anyway, re. FFS, so are you abusing her too?

Oh Christ, you're one of the "man on a pedestal" brigade, aren't you?

I'm wary of anyone who unnecessarily capitalises "Husband"(unless they're thinking in German and writing in English).

Look, the bald facts are these, confronted by his disoriented,bleeding, pregnant wife and distressed, sick child, this dude chose to flounce off to another room to secure his undisturbed rest rather than take even minimal action to help them.

Not particularly loving or giving in my book.

No thanks. That's not the sort of life I want to lead, nor the sort of example I want to set my daughter

Go, Ruth [round of applause emoticon]
If someone had pointed this out to me, I wouldn't have spent three decades living in hell.
I wonder if the previous poster is a 'baby boomer'? a great number of our generation were raised on that view of being a wife (my XDH's lack of care almost killed me once, because he couldn't bother himself to call a doctor)
It can be very hard to overthrow hard wired concepts, but they were the concepts of previous generations.
DON'T PUT UP WITH IT.

You are right to be angry ...... if he is normally fairly considerate, I suspect the guilt when he starts to see the bruising will generate considerable TLC

Ouch poor face, thank goodness you didn't ricochet down the stairs.

What a strange way for DP to act especially as he is normally good with DD. More to talk about tonight, I think.

greedygal I don't think OP was villifying her DP, she was posting in shock and pain at first, and later acknowledged his usual thoughtfulness with DD, it just doesn't extend to her.

As for your DH who neatly represents the opposite of a hands-on dad,

He is with us every weekend though.

Big woop. You make him sound like your DCs are pets he didn't want so can justify leaving all the care of to you!