Dating thread 76

[LoisPuddingLane]

As we were saying...

[LoisPuddingLane]

I think you need to talk to Slow. He sounds nice and may well be a bit naive. Or may well enjoy their texts. Let him know why it bothers you.

[neiljames77]

It'll probably take a long time for you to trust him totally but if he's as nice as you say he is, he'll understand and appreciate why you feel like this.

[Scornedwoman67]

Hi Jarlin- I remember you meeting slow ...I agree with neil - you need to talk to him & explain how it makes you feel. it is only natural. I am the same. He needs to understand why you feel like this & I'm sure once he does he will make it clear to this woman that he is unavailable. ..either by being direct or by reducing the contact

[avianaz]

Folk
Thanks so much for your reply!! I love how honest you are being with each other. I know what you mean about that involuntary smile when you see someone. :)

I've only just blocked my ex out of my life a few minutes ago, before it was trying to be friends but ending up webcam sex (no sorry, me getting my tits out for a minute and a half) and arguing.
It's been difficult to know what's really going on for ages because he has a personality disorder and most of what he does is for power. However I made the fatal mistake of letting his controlling ways get to me and I became dependant on him for a few months... after an awful messy break where I felt like I had nothing and was catatonic, we got back together, and I used that time to wise up and start building my life again. So this time I haven't been as affected.
Basically he was making plans then leaving them last minute... I told him I was refusing to be put through what I was put through last time. Neither was I being an internet friend (like the girl he had an EA with at the beginning from Norway :D :D she had "perfect" tits that her daddy bought her).
I'm aware I've been probably posting about DP recently as if still together, but it's been a few months. Just... everything was the same except not seeing each other.
But now he's gone, and technically has been a few months

So it makes choosing what to put down on PoF (lol) hard because I put down "not looking for a relationship/no commitment" and I got bunged with messages and I guessed why... so changed it to "looking for a relationship" and I guess that's why I'm scared! I obviously wouldn't mind meeting someone. I just didn't want them all thinking that meeting or talking meant I was going to be an item.

I've been trying reply to everyone but it became impossible so I've just been replying to the more interesting ones. I actually got one person who was really funny in their first message! But it petered out.

So Im talking to a few in strictly friendly way... which I hope is okay!
And one wants to take me out to the beach after me mentioning I was sick of bars. Which is sweet! I don't find anyone (anyone!) attractive, and I've been intensly loyal for a long time so I come out in a sweat thinking about it and tried to make excuses but it seems like we're on. D:

Is it AWFUL that now that there is a plan my brain has decided to pick out things I don't like about his picture? (God love him :(!!) So guilty... so then I go back on and try to look with new eyes but it's still in my head. :(

I usually end up falling in love with a persons unattractive features as it's usually their defining feature... so that gives me hope lol!

MASSIVE REPLY! SO SORRY!

[Bigbird01]

Folk delighted to hear the outcome of your meeting yesterday. It sounded like that relationship hadn't run it's course. I really hope it works out for you.

Well - back on POF and the only message I've had tonight is from a Bi couple wanting another woman for some fun! Oh dear!!

[steelchic]

Ok, please talk some sense in to me!
I went out with a friend last night and had the most depressing night ever. I usually love a night out just going to pubs having a laugh. My heart just wasn't in it last night, and looking around thinking if this the type of guys that are available I will be single for ever.
I haven't heard from my ex this week, we said we'd stay in touch as friends, and it know that's all we'll ever be I'm under no illusion that we'll get back together. But I miss him and I'm desperate to text him just to say hi. I know I shouldn't what is the point, I should just wait till he contacts me but then I start thinking maybe the friends this was all bull shit and I'll never hear from him again, maybe he's waiting on me making the first contact.
I've nearly texted him a couple of times today already ....talk me out of it please :( x

[Canihaveonemoreslice]

Howlong- I'm afraid I can't offer any advice as I'm stuck in a similar position. However I've just been seeing someone for 2 months so I'm seeing if it grows. I've given myself a deadline of 6 months and then if I don't feel stronger feelings by then I guess it isn't going to work. I enjoy being with him, he's lovely, caring and attractive.
It's so hard because on paper they have everything you like or want but in reality there's just 'something' that's missing. It's hard to tell if it's because it's years since I dated and I've changed or if he really isn't the one. It's all very confusing!

[Canihaveonemoreslice]

Steel, your heart wasn't in last night because your still sad about your ex. It's depressing when you look around and think is this it? But with time you will heal. Don't text him, you'll be doing it for the wrong reasons. Go and find something to do just to take your mind off it. Being friends after a split us difficult when the feelings are still raw.

[steelchic]

Canihave - I know you're right. I will resist texting him. I always knew we would split eventually as things where just going too slow and we were really just FWB, but it is his friendship I miss the most. I just need to get through the next couple of weeks.,I know the longer we are out of contact the better, but I'm just afraid if too much time goes by it will be harder to get in touch and I'd hate for him not to be in my life :( x

[Canihaveonemoreslice]

Steel. You want him as your friend now because having just a small part of him is better than nothing but honestly once you get over this you will find you've filled the gap he's left with something else.
If you leave it for a while it won't be harder to contact him and instead when you do it's because it is a genuine friendship as opposed to doing it because you miss him.
I know it's hard. I think this part is the worst about dating. You go from talking or texting to nothing and it's difficult, this is the bit I dread :(

[Canihaveonemoreslice]

Does anyone fancy a roll call?
I'm struggling to remember whose with who or whose online looking. How long etc.

So I'll go:
I'm 37 seperated last year after 19 yrs with stbxh.
Currently dating the first person online I met. Been dating him for 8 weeks now.
Lovely bloke but not sure on my feelings yet. But trying not to analyse it and let fate decide.

[akaWisey]

Can I join in? OD fatigue has set in again. If you're interest below is the thread I started late this afternoon. What on earth do I have to do to stop this kind of thing happening again and again?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2107585-Quick-help-before-I-go-on-this-date-tonight-please

Hope the bloody linky thing works now or I'll feel doubly stooped .

[akaWisey]

Stoopid not stooped See?

[LittleBlueMouse]

Ok, still following but haven't posted for ages

I'm 39,
Seeing the 3rd guy I met from OD
Been seeing Mr Contradiction for 6 months
Complicated, unpredictable, many highs, great sex and have no idea whatsoever where this is going.

[Minime85]

Hi

Im 37 split from husband of 10yrs in nov.
Saw first guy I met OLD for about two months.
Now chatting to a rather lovely man from pof been on one date another planned for Wednesday

[Pinklaydee1302]

I'm 42
OD for 2 years on and off. Met a guy I really fell for in march, ended 3 weeks ago. Still miss him terribly

Trying to get 'back out there' but my heart deffo not in it.

Steelchic my guy asked to be friends too and questioned me over text the other day if I'd met someone but when I asked if he wanted to get back he said 'I need to be single for awhile'

I told him not to contact me again - head messer!!

[steelchic]

Hi
I'm 51 :(
Separated and now divorced from H for 3.1/2!years, he left for OW but things pretty amicable now
Met X OLD end of last year ( he was my 1st date)
Finished with me last week as and old friend from his Uni days has come back in to his life and they want to start a relationship
X

[steelchic]

Thanks Canihave, I have resisted texting and I won't. I know I'll be fine in a couple of week,
Pink, I hope you're ok. I think I need to take a break from dating, I hate feeling like this. I'm slowly realising I wasn't in a proper relationship. He always said he didn't want to commit so I knew it was a FWB relationship but I guess he meant not wanting a committed relationship with me but will commit to a woman he knew 30!years ago :( x

[LoisPuddingLane]

52, never married, one grown up daughter. Done OLD rather too much. Never met anyone OLD that led to relationship.

[FolkGirl]

I'm 39.
Seperated from my H 20 months ago after discovering his affair. Amicable now but wouldn't consider a reconcilliation under any circumstances.
I've been seeing the man I met OD for 7 months.

It's not always been easy. We both started out clear that we weren't looking for love (I didn't think it was possible!) or a 'proper' (LT) relationship. I was plagued with self doubt almost constantly in the early days, but stuck with it because people on here reassured me that he sounded genuine. And helped me to see that, whatever the truth of him was, I needed to deal with some of my own issues. So I stuck with it and didn't reveal any of my insecurities to him.

My friends who have met him have all been surprised at how attentive and affectionate he is with me given that I've offered them all the caveat that, "It's not serious".

There have still been issues. I don't know what will become of it in the long term, but I've learned so much about myself and love over the past 7 months, that whatever happens it will have been worth it. He says he loves me. And he certainly seems to... So we shall see...

Put it this way, if it ever got as far as marriage

[Bigbird01]

I'm 39.
I left my H last October after being unhappy for a long time. Was with him 19 years - it was our 12th wedding anniversary 2 weeks ago! We get on a lot better now, but I always feel quite defensive (he was V&EA when we were together). 5 year old twins who stay with me 6 days a week.
Been OD since February. Chatted to a few guys. Been for coffee with one, but that's it so far. Been set up with a date (a friend of a friend) this week, which I'm not really looking forward to, but guess it will give me some practice!). I hate OD though - feel very 'exposed' by it all, but don't get out enough to meet guys in RL .

[UrsulaBuffay]

I'm such a coward I just messaged crap date man to tell him he was rude and upset me then blocked him! God I need a boyfriend!

Glad about Folk! Is a lovely story, and yours Jarlin don't doubt him!