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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread 76

999 replies

LoisPuddingLane · 11/06/2014 10:57

As we were saying...

OP posts:
Missfishandchips · 12/06/2014 14:52

Generally it's kind of a ping pong type thing, one will text then the other reply etc.

But, i'll hold off messaging and watch and wait.

Minime85 · 12/06/2014 16:35

Missfish I'd say as long as he has been consistent then not to worry more likely just his way. But ask him maybe if he is much of a texter. I'd be wondering what it was all about if lots of texts and then it started to tail off although of it's long term can't keep constant messaging up I guess too.

Date with mr tinder tonight! Not feeling excited or nervous really which in its self is making me doubt going?! He does live an hour away which I think is already making me think it couldn't work long term as too far I think.

triathlonmum · 12/06/2014 17:52

The only chap I had a couple of dates with (so far!) was an hour away and must admit it added complication and cost....but guess it depends what you are looking for... Good luck

avocadogreen · 12/06/2014 17:54

ooh good I found the new dating thread!

Had second date on tues with a rather lovely bloke I met on POF. He is not what I thought was my usual type, and he is 11 years older than me... but I think we definitely have chemistry, and talked all night, then had a rather lovely snog on the way home... Grin

Slightly worried it is a bit soon... it's actually only 3 months since separating from ex due to his affair. But then it is just so much fun, and nice to be out on a date with someone who pays me attention and who I get on with so well. Plus since I have been chatting to this bloke, relations with ex have been considerably easier... I seem to have let go of a lot of resentment towards him and we are able to communicate quite amicably about the kids.

Is it all too soon? Am I setting myself up for a fall? Just started a new job too, and I'm making much more of an effort to see friends at the moment so life feels pretty good right now, I keep expecting something to go wrong....

Pinklaydee1302 · 12/06/2014 18:45

Awwww sounds lovely Avocado...just enjoy n try not to worry. Hmmmm should take my own advice....

UrsulaBuffay · 12/06/2014 21:48

Had such a weird experience tonight, arranged to meet a guy for coffee who I've been messaging a while and it seemed to be going okay to me when suddenly he sort of ended it, like asked if I was ready to go, asked where I was parked then said he was parked the other direction, said goodbye and walked off! I guess he gathered in that hour he wasn't interested I just didn't see it coming, and my ego had taken a bit of bruising!

Pinklaydee1302 · 12/06/2014 21:56

Oh that's a shame Ursula, perhaps he maybe had to go somewhere. Some people are strange Hmm

UrsulaBuffay · 12/06/2014 22:11

I thought beforehand he might be strange but was pleasantly surprised til then. Now I just think he was fucking rude and I'm quite annoyed.

Minime85 · 12/06/2014 22:19

Avocado enjoy Smile

Sorry ursula why so they have to be rude? Try to just let it go over your head.

Well I'm back from my date and it was ok. Seemed to get on ok but mostly me doing asking of questions to get conversation flowing. Then he said about a headache so we went. So guess that's that then! Onwards and upwards to tomorrow nights date mr pof Smile

triathlonmum · 12/06/2014 23:51

Headaches and rushing off...this is why I'm not sure whether it is worth my time or effort with this dating lark... You set aside an evening (precious free time!) then it might all turn out to be a waste of time within 15 mins! Wish there was some better way of screening them before meeting....

howlongnow · 12/06/2014 23:58

Hi all, I'm looking for a bit of advice. I've been dating a guy for 6 months now that I met OLD. We see eachother 2-3 times during the week and spend the weekends together. From the start he was very sure about me - saying he loved me very quickly. For my part I'm fond of him and enjoy our time together but just can't let myself feel strong emotions. I don't know if this is down to him or me. With my ex-DP everything was easier and there was a constant progression in our relationship. With my new guy I feel stuck.

Has anyone here taken longer than 6 months to fall in love with their DP? Or am I on hiding to nothing here? I am quite inexperienced with relationships and probably can't truthfully say that I've ever been in love properly. So maybe this is as good as it gets. But he is desperate for me to fall for him big time and I feel sad about it - for him and for me. God I feel like a bitch even writing this. He is so lovely. Why can't I fall for him?!

Minime85 · 13/06/2014 05:48

Howlong- are u overthinking things a little do u think? If u relaxed into it which I know is easier said than done Smile

Triathlon I know but I'd have only been sat on my own and conversation we had was funny. There an hour and a half which I guess is enough for first meet? And he wanted to hold my hand going back to car so I'm def confused!

Folk I hope it goes well if u go to meet you bf today Thanks

FolkGirl · 13/06/2014 07:30

Hi

Sorry, I've been avoiding this thread this week.

I'm meeting my 'boyfriend' this evening. He's doing a 3 hour round trip to spend about an hour and a half here.

I think it's going to be time for a frank and honest discussion, warts and all. I don't really know at this stage what I want the outcome to be. I feel like I've put my feelings on hold for a week and after tonight I can either switch them back on or leave them on hold until they switch off.

I can't help but think that whatever the emotions and feelings involved are, the logistics are going to make it difficult. Sad

FolkGirl · 13/06/2014 07:31

Oh mini I posted without reading any of the other posts. Just posted and saw your post above.

Thank you for your good wishes and for remembering Smile

Pinklaydee1302 · 13/06/2014 07:47

How long I think after six months you would be feeling it....perhaps he's just not the one. I was with my ex 3 months n I knew without a shadow of doubt I was in love with him. I got this warm fuzzy feeling every time he kissed me. My heart still aches for him Hmm

steelchic · 13/06/2014 08:53

Folk, good luck tonight, I'll be thinking of you x

ChickOnaMission · 13/06/2014 12:10

Hi All, I've been lurking for the last week or so, not really felt like talking about dating, I did get a text from the guy I was seeing this week which wa nice, just saying he felt a bit weird not texting me anymore and hoped I was alright, we exchanged a few messages and have agreed to have a drink in July, I'm going to glastonbury, then my kids go away for the summer with their Dad so we'll meet up after then for a drink. I was toying with the idea of going back on pof, but have just decided against it, I can't be bothered with the hassle, and I've got a LOAD of assignments to write this sumer so I'm going to focus on something productive rather than wasting time talking to weird men on the internet.

I did have a quick browse on pof last night, one guy just had loads and loads of selfies he'd taken in toilets in pubs/clubs, lots with urinals in the background, ew!!

steel how are you doing? Hope you're ok

folk good luck for tonight,

avocado that sounds like a LOVELY date :-) Lucky you!!

Blossomflowers · 13/06/2014 12:39

What do you think of this, chatting to really nice guy, we have talked on the phone and exchanged lots of emails. He is new to OLD has a date tonight which was arranged before he spoke with me, fair enough. We have talked about meeting tomorrow but he wants to see how tonight goes first. What do you think?

Rummikub · 13/06/2014 12:58

Annoying for you, great for her if it works out.

Blossomflowers · 13/06/2014 13:03

Well at least he has morals. Am a bit more experienced at this and know all too often people turn out to be different to what you expected, so have stopped putting all eggs in one basket. But this is his first date.

neiljames77 · 13/06/2014 13:19

Blossomflowers - I agree with him. I have the same approach.

Blossomflowers · 13/06/2014 13:22

I also used to be like this but have had a few shocks on meeting people, as soon as I felt there was a connection I put others aside and be happy never to set eyes on these sites again.lol

Scornedwoman67 · 13/06/2014 13:40

Hello ladies
I've been off here for a couple of months as my app broke. I've now fixed it !!
Just reading through & catching up with what's been going on and am wanting some sensible advice...

For those that don't remember met a lovely chap last year, got to know him when he came round to do some work on my house. For the first few weeks we just chatted for hours over coffee & when he finished the work, he asked me out.

He's been divorced for four years, two teenage boys that live with him. XW had an affair.

We had a date planned & then a few days before-hand he text me to say that he had been out with a lady he had known for ages who he thought was married, but was actually separated. Told me he's liked her for ages & wasn't the sort to mess ladies about. I was gutted, but pleased that at least he'd had the decency to be honest.

Fast forward to just before Christmas, he came round do do some more work and was very flirtatious. I was somewhat taken aback. I'm ashamed to say we got carried away and one thing led to another. He subsequently made it plain that he was mortified at what he'd done to both me & her. I was gutted all over again.

To cut a long story short he keeps coming back...he's now told me that he's made a terrible mistake but that because they work together, and she owes him several thousand pounds for some work, he's stuck for now. She is apparently moving jobs in the summer and he says that will somewhat help his situation if he can get the money from her.

So I'm in this sort of ridiculous limbo where my head is all over the place & I know I should just forget about him and maybe go back OLD but my heart isn't in it because I just can't stop thinking about him. I know I need to spell it out to him that nothing more is going to happen until he sorts out his current relationship.He's constantly telling me that he finds me attractive and the physical side of things has blown me away. I've avoided seeing or speaking to him for five weeks now but I know that at some point he'll come back again and it's doing me in. I know no-one can help but I just wanted to vent on here because you all understand........

Blossomflowers · 13/06/2014 13:46

Hello scorned we must stop meeting like this. So you gave me advise ans going through it straight back at you. We both need to get back out there and forget about these men that are messing with out heads. Keep avoiding and go and find someone who actually wants to be with you for real. !!!!

neiljames77 · 13/06/2014 14:00

Scornedwoman67 - If he's in a relationship with this woman, he'll probably not get his money. While they're together, she'll think, "you're my boyfriend, what are you going to do? get a summons for me to pay up?" and if he finishes with her, she think, "you can go fuck y'self if you think I'm paying you now!!!"

Blossomflowers - that's why OD is not for me I think.
I couldn't set up 5 dates, then choose the "successful applicant". If I liked date 1, I'd have to tell dates 2 to 5 I'm cancelling. I think I'd feel sneaky or arrogant if I went on the other dates.
Maybe I've just got a lot to learn.