Namecalling in bed - new BF

[mrsefron]

I have been out of the dating game a while now but have recently started a new relationship with a seemingly nice man. We have slept together a few times and the sex is very passionate and hot but the last couple of times he's called me a few names in the throes (like slut, bitch etc.) Is this normal and am I being a prude or red flag? Everything else going good.

Sounds like a porn user, too.

If you're uncomfortable with it,tell him.if he continues after that,split up
Is red flag the new mn mantra to replace other psychobabble regards males
Red flag or not,if you're uncomfortable that reason enough to ask he desist

I love it when my DH calls me a slut during sex, but it's an agreed part of sex play.

The problem here is a lack of communication.

I think your judgement of him should be based on how he reacts when you inform him that you don't like to be called those things. He's not necessarily an evil misogynist, he might just be a bit kinky and hasn't thought that you might be upset.

Call him a fucking wanker next time and see what his reaction is.

BloodFlower has hit the nail on the head

at tony
he could have I suppose said it one time and then checked with her it was okay.. or have just brought the conversation round to that sort of thing one time maybe?

Sounds like he's been watching too much porn.

:-) at spring...you could also try calling out another blokes name...like Homer...doh!

He assumed, though. Didn't ask. That's why I wouldn't have shagged him again. That's the kind of thing, like spanking, anal play, etc that you ask about first.

The Red Flag here is that he didn't ask you first

It would be like doing any other sexual act without explicit consent

I don't like the sound of him

Thanks for the comments. Like Tony said, how do you get round to asking that kind of thing? I have no idea how to broach the conversation with him to tell him that I don't like it. I haven't positively responded to it and hoped that would be clue enough.

if you can fuck him, you should be able to talk to him. Have you not had any conversations about what you like/don't like in bed, even semi-vocal ones eg. moving his hand away or stopping dead when he calls you a slut ? Do you think your role is to lie there passively while he does what he likes ?

How to broach it? 'Did you really think it was on to name call in sex without agreeing first? You watch too much porn. Bye.'

A man who doesn't 'do' these sorts of things during foreplay and or sex isn't necessarily a misogynist. I think you just need to tell him 'No, I don't like you saying that' whilst doing the deed

Next time he does it, says "stop!" and explain you do not like it and you will not tolerate it even once more"

relying on him mindreading you is obviously not goign to work with someone who thinks it's ok to call you woman-hating names without checking it is ok with you first

I suspect you will find he has a problem with you telling him what to do, and wil take your comments personally

best to get to that point ASAP, so you can dump his misogynist arse

I said I didn't like this once, it was 'dirty cunt', 'dirty who're', 'my slut' etc. the man in question got very cross, sulked. If I'd heeded that red flag, or asked here it would have saved me some further misery.
I don't know if it was misogyny but it was part and parcel of a general thing where my views didn't matter, weren't relevant.
If you raise it, watch how he responds. That's your cue. Take it!

How can you consider having sex with someone when you can't tell them that you don't like something?!?!

You could try,
Please don't call me names when we are in bed, I don't like it.
If you want to try something new, could you please ask me first.

Isn't necessarily not a misogynist, I meant

I think this needs to be a conversation AWAY from the bedroom personally. I would bring it up during dinner - providing, if you were out you couldn't be overheard of course, or maybe if you MADE dinner together at one of your homes.

Either way, it's happened twice now. You need to say it before you next sleep together.

Grumpyoldnag, wow, especially from "It is absolutely...."

tbf mind, he should have asked if she was into dirty talk at THAT right point.

Grim. Sounds like he has an awful attitude to women and I would dump.

I'd threaten to wash his filthy mouth out.

I called a halt when a man said (growled!) something similar to me. It might have been sexy to him, but it put me right off. He apologised, but I didn't see him again. In a fairly extensive personal sampling exercise, he's the only one who did that.

It would be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't even talk about it. It would just be over.