Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH texting with his friends

54 replies

ubiquitousslug · 05/06/2014 12:59

On holiday and have been using DH's phone to make international calls for work. Took a sneaky look back at some of his Wats App conversations with male friends. All very innocent and mostly about their interests, sports etc, but I just feel a little gnarled by the way they talk about women.

He has some single friends and in conversation with them after a night out he is always so keen to know if they "hooked up with any babes." (babes is a word DH NEVER uses!) Then one friend in particular is coming back with "yeh I hooked up with 5 babes over the weekend."

FIVE? What are they, 13 years old? They are 40, do they both actually believe this is true?

Then DH reminisces about his "partying days," and says things like "I remember I used to drink 2 litres of vodka and then go home with 2 women for a threesome."

He has never told me this!

Is this just macho bullshit to look good in front of each other, or is it likely to be true that DH has kept stuff from me about his past that he only tells his male friends?

He mentioned our marriage too, which was sort of good I suppose. The friend asked him if he wanted to come to a naked mixed sauna in Germany and DH was saying "OMG I heard the women there are so hot.. sounds so amazing, but you know I am married now, so I can't do things like that anymore!"

This all makes me a bit uncomfortable, but am I just being silly and this is how men talk to each other?

OP posts:
Jan45 · 05/06/2014 13:04

I don't know any men in their 40s that speak like this, even between themselves, they sound like teenagers and yes I think your DH does refer to women as babes, just not in front of you, I also think the constant reference to sex is an indication of what they really think women are for.

I wouldn't be applauding him for refusing to go for a sex sauna, the fact they are even asking him is worrying.

BuzzardBird · 05/06/2014 13:06

He sounds like a right dick, sorry. :(

AgathaF · 05/06/2014 13:13

It's quite sad that a mature (?) man has to speak like this to his younger/single friends to fit in or impress them.

Have you mentioned this to him?

dollius · 05/06/2014 13:23

Yikes, if my DH started talking like this I would think he had been abducted by aliens.

Seriously, normal, self-respecting men in their 40s do not talk like this.

What a bunch of losers.

Original poster
ubiquitousslug · 05/06/2014 13:26

I agree with all of you. Just a correction on the sauna thing - he doesn't mean a sex/prostitute sauna - he means the very common practice in Germany where families go to saunas but everyone is naked. Ie ogling naked women.

OP posts:
Universal · 05/06/2014 13:30

Mid life crisis.

maras2 · 05/06/2014 13:30

Twat.The only 3some he'd be having after 2 litres of vodka would be with a drip and a hospital bed.

AgathaF · 05/06/2014 13:32

How long have you two been together/married?

crazybutterflylady · 05/06/2014 13:37

I think it's just him trying to keep up with his single mates and feel like he's still got it. None of it will be true, he is just trying to piss the farthest.

NoImSpartacus · 05/06/2014 13:38

Oh really OP, give him a break, he's just trying to be 'one of the ladz', it's hardly the crime of the century, unlike snooping, OP, which is far worse than your silly DH trying to be down with the kids.

He probably knows he sounds like an arse if he doesn't usually use words like 'babes' in his usual vocab.

Men do talk about women you do know that don't you, even ones that are married sometimes find other women attractive.

He made the point that he's married and therefore it would be inappropriate to go to the sauna, what more do you want from him! I would be far more pissed off had he said "oh I'd love to come, if only I wasn't married".

Get things into perspective.

zippey · 05/06/2014 13:51

It all sounds above board and if anything your husband should be applauded. His relationships before you ie the threesomes shouldn't be your concern.

StainlessSteelBegonia · 05/06/2014 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatdoesittake48 · 05/06/2014 14:09

tell him you read it and that he comes across as a 12 year old. that will be punishment enough. tell him to grow up and expect a little grovelling. Hopefully he will see the error of his ways. Also point out to him that you want a grownup as a husband and that if he ever calls you a babe you are out the door.

mrsmopps · 05/06/2014 14:12

Could the "hooked up with any babes" thing be a pisstake? ie, he knows it sounds stupid but it's an in joke with them? or they are taking the mick out of someone they know who does talk like that after a night out? especially as you say he doesn't talk like that normally.
2 litres of vodka then a three some is laughable.

Helpys · 05/06/2014 14:14

It all sounds rather sweet and if they're old friends, similar to him probably muck

Helpys · 05/06/2014 14:15
Shock Probably just mucking around.
Tellanovella · 05/06/2014 14:15

MARAS2 that tickled me! Thanks for that.
OP I'd be a bit knarked by that convo, but he sounds like he respects your marriage and told his mate so in not so many words.
I've heard men of all ages talk in that pathetic way unfortunately. I find it very off-putting.

Helpys · 05/06/2014 14:16
Shock Probably just mucking around.
Helpys · 05/06/2014 14:17

Oh ffs
Sorry
OP for once I don't think there's anything to worry about.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 05/06/2014 14:21

Bravado I expect. Unless you have any other concerns.

ravenmum · 05/06/2014 14:41

I thought it sounded like a pisstake too. Sometimes my daughter and I refer to men on the TV as "hot", pronouncing it "haht" (I think it came from the TV series Summer Heights High) just for a laugh. Hooking up with five babes at the weekend sounds like a joke unless your husband's friends are major studs.

ravenmum · 05/06/2014 14:43

BTW I have been to naked mixed saunas here in Germany and they are full of tortoise-necked old men, nothing remotely sexy going on! Many people here find it odd that you would wear a towel in the sauna ...

squizita · 05/06/2014 14:44

Sounds like a man trying to bluff his way and keep up with his single mates, but he's married 40-something... and sounding a bit of a wally as a result.

TBH I'm more Hmm about the snooping.

I've texted stupid things to younger female work friends (including such words as "hawt" about a film star and "yaaay shots! YOLO") I don't tell the world because they make me look a bit daft at my age. They don't mean I'm a celebrity stalker or am encouraging alcoholism.
I would be deeply upset if DH snooped my phone to find them.

JennyZ1 · 05/06/2014 14:58

I would not snoop on my husband like that. I trust him. DO you trust your husband? And who cares what he did when you were not together...you were not together then and he did not know that you would be the one that he ended up with.

AndyYorkeSingsBetterThanThom · 05/06/2014 15:18

They are sexing each other up. Like a buttered bun thing. Bonding by sharing.

And snoop away, for me. If people aren't open, its all they deserve. If they are open, they won't mind.

Swipe left for the next trending thread