Weddings and old affairs - would this be messed up?

[nwpaperpusher80]

I know this is a sensitive topic and i’m expecting to be flamed for this but would really like some opinions.

My boyfriend has recently proposed and it’s early days but we’ve started talking about and planning the wedding. Last night we were talking about who we’d invite and he said he’d like to ask a few of his closest colleagues and asked if i’d do the same. I said yes as there are 4 or 5 that i consider friends and would like to come but now I don’t know if this would be messed up as two of them are guys that i’ve slept with and basically been the ow to.

They are both married but about two years ago there was a year where I was involved on and off with both of them. I’m not proud of myself for that time, it was a difficult year for me in other ways although I can’t really excuse my behaviour, we were all just very selfish. They know each other and work together too but did not and still don’t know about my involvement with the other. Apart from being with both of them I was otherwise single.

I came to my senses and put an end to it with both of them and somehow managed to extradite myself from the situation without either of their partners or anyone else finding out. We all still work together and now have healthy working relationships, we don’t work as closely as we used to and everything is above board, there is no flirting or secrecy or anything.

My DF doesn’t know my history with these guys, they happened before I met him and I haven’t thought about and wouldn’t ever cheat on him. I don’t want to tell him because i’m not proud of this time in my life and don’t want him to know I was the OW and also I have never told anyone, only me and these two guys know and although I don’t think my DF would do anything I don’t want more people finding out.

I don’t think anything would happen at the wedding, i’m not worried about anyone saying anything I just don't know if it is unfair on my DF and these guys wives to have them come to my wedding given my previous relationships with them? Can we all carry on the being normal or is putting all our OHs in one place pushing it too far?

My priority is my DF, we’ve all moved on i just don’t want to do one more shitty thing by bringing him into it and putting him in a situation where there is history that he doesn’t know about it and would be upset if he did.

I know simplest thing would be to just not invite them but they are probably my two closest colleagues and would look strange if I didn't. Sorry this is so long

I have decided simpler to invite no colleagues although I really wasn't thinking of doing it with the intention of creating drama or playing games. Part of reason we have managed to stay working together is that none of us play games or do stuff to create drama

No I can’t know for sure about their marriages but from what I do know they are both happy

I think what stands out OP is you're not exactly big on remorse here it would seem so I wonder how that impacts on your own forthcoming marriage eg, are you planning to have an open relationship? have you discussed this sort of thing with your dp. Only I wouldn't be so happy about getting married if I thought happy marriages would include affairs, iyswim
best of luck anyway

Thanks for writing back to let us know what you will do. Because you do not have to justify yourself to us, but I really hope that you will find some clarity and have a wonderful marriage moving forward too.

I've never been in your situation but I think I see what you were trying to say...
You want to invite a few colleagues to your wedding. That's the done thing amongst your friends/colleagues and your df is also inviting colleagues.
However you are feeling uncomfortable having these 2 men at your wedding (for obvious reasons)
If you invite other colleagues but not these 2 it will look odd. People at work may speculate which you don't want
I think you've got 2 choices...invite no colleagues at all or invite all the ones in your team but have a quiet word with the 2 men and tell them you've invited them to avoid speculation but you'd appreciate them declining due to other plans. Then no drama either way.
Hope it goes well

You say in your OP that these men are "friends" from work who you would like to invite to your wedding along with other work friends.
are you planning to remain friends with them after the wedding? If so then I think your df should know you slept with them. It's not like they were one night stands, you slept with both of them on and off for a year. While they were married. I don't see how you can suddenly go to being just friends after something like that.
I think it would be very distasteful to have them at your wedding.

Just invite some other friends and don't worry about it. It's all over and done with and the state of these men's marriages is their problem and not yours.

As you said yourself, they were the ones breaking their marriage vows. You didn't force them to have sex with you and you are not responsible for policing their monogamy boundaries - they are adults and chose to embark on affairs of their own free will - whether their marriages were unhappy or whether they were just fannyrats, is still no one's problem but theirs.

All these apologists for an OP that knew that both men were married as they were not just friends but work colleagues too, and still she shagged them both repeatedly over the course of a year.

Would it be so hard to say 'No, sorry I don't shag married men'? It's not like there's a shortage of single men looking for no strings sex.