Attractive women with not so attractive men??

[positively9something]

I have noticed that there seems to be a lot of attractive women married to not so attractive men. I'm not saying they are not lovely guys I'm guessing they probably are.

The reason I am mentioning this is because I had a date yesterday with a guy that was really nice and down to earth, looks wise he isn't my type. I normally go for big muscly guys, he is short and looks like he doesn't work out. He seems really nice and I'm just thinking that a lot of women go for the not so attractive type of guys.

I know that relationships are not based on looks and it must be about personality but

Sorry posted too soon

But obviously you have to be attracted to your partner, I'm thinking with time attraction could grow.

I think looks are only part of it ...if you click with someone then you just click. Also good looks are very subjective. What is not good looking to one person is another's dream man :)

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have dated some drop dead gorgeous (IMO) fellas in my time who have had the personality of a tomato.

There's a thread at the moment about physical attributes people fancy and we are all so different (though it seems we all like nice arms!) I would find some of the guys people describe there a total turn off and they would say the same of mine.

I also think women probably are conforming to a narrower range of what "attractive" is (damn patriarchy etc) so it's probably easier to look at the average woman and quickly pick up the cues that mean she is "attractive". So as a result your impression will be a lot of women who tick that box and on the whole fewer men who do.

I've noticed when I've been on holiday in Spain, some stunningly beautiful women with big fat hairy old men. They were rude, surly, ignorant and bad tempered too. Not sure what else they had to offer really.

Sometimes it must be about the cash

As a general rule men consider looks quite a bit higher on the "must have" scale than women do. And women have other attributes which they attach much more importance to. Men=form. Women=content.

well, a lot of men are incredibly arrogant, good looking ones even more so. women in general get sexually harassed, good looking ones even more so.
the g/l women might decide to stick with the genuine men with nice personailties because they get sick of arrogant men who want a trophy girlfriend. also, a proportion of g/l women will go gold-digging, sadly, because wealthy men like to use their money to buy anything they want, including women

some attractive women do go for the lifestyle a man offers. Whereas wealthy men usually do go for looks (yes, sad).
Plus, tbh how many good-looking young men are in a rush to commit? or are trustworthy? Women often go for commitment from a man - obviously they must get on, on daily basis, but that's down to personalities.
Yes, I know I'm generalising, but this does give some answers to your question, OP..

Obviously attractiveness is about more than just looks.

I think also that there are more good looking women in the world than there are good looking men. So for any random couple, even if their attraction is based on non physical attributes, it's more likely that the woman will be "good looking" than that the man will be.

For me it comes down to the instantaneous "click." It's only happened a couple of times in my life, but it's that amazing scary feeling where you meet someone and you know something has to happen between you.

I couldn't give a toss if someone looks at me and whoever I happen to be with and thinks "why's he with a fat lass like her?" Or "why's she with him?" I am so wary of getting involved these days, when I DO find someone special I just smile like a Cheshire Cat. Means absolutely nothing if the person I'm with is "conventionally attractive" or not!

Think there needs to be at least some physical attraction, and I need to feel a spark.

Before I met my DP I went on a date with a guy who I had been talking to loads (met over online dating) and we got on so well, lots in common, lovely guy, seemed very caring and nice, and I genuinely liked him. However I didn't find him attractive at all. I did ask myself how important it was as I thought he would make a great partner however the thought of kissing him was just yuck to me, so had to leave it. I think personality is the most important but looks do matter!

When you imagine kissing or having sex with this guy from your date, how do you feel? If you feel at all yuck about it I think it has to be a no go. Attraction can't grow out of that. However if you think hmm, maybe... Then give him a chance and see what develops.

A lot of generalising, but it is said that men are much more visual than women, and looks are far more important to them as a result. As another poster mentioned, there are men who want "arm candy", someone they enjoy showing to the world on their arm. Women tend to want a man who makes them feel good (through laughter, compliments, etc.) and secure (about themselves, as with a genuinely nice guy, or financially, as a gold-digger will go for) and looks come afterwards.

If anecdata counts, I can say hand-on-heart that looks are attractive initially, but a guy who is kind, funny and intelligent is hugely attractive to me specifically because of those traits. I've met men who are very physically attractive and I've been totally repulsed by their personalities and wouldn't touch them if they begged.

Luckily for me DP is not only kind, funny and intelligent but also tall, dark, handsome and Irish - I've always had a thing for the accent.

The last man I clicked with I couldn't even conjure up an image of him in my head. I wasn't even really sure what he looked like initially. I was just strongly attracted to his...essence. The chemistry between us was extraordinary. It wasn't at all about looks for me, but by the way he looked at me I would say it was a very visual thing for him. I could tell he liked my figure, although we never discussed our attraction to each other. He was married, so it didn't go anywhere.

It seems like young girls today are being brought up to go after the nerds rather than the studs.

I'm sad to say that for some women I know, it is the salary. More specifically, it's the lifestyle standard that a man can provide that is attractive. I know of women who made damn sure that in their mid twenties they were dating the "right" sort of man. He would be a bit older, already in a well established career with v good prospects. Usually finance / banking.

Fast forward 15 years. 2 kids, lovely house, nice cars in the drive, great holidays. You can see how it would be vv appealing. Apart from the having to give up own career, move to the other side of the world because hubby's job comes first, very little family time, financial dependence

to be fair, don't forget that women do tend to do a lot of self-enhancement, makeup, hair dressing, effort with clothing, some diet a lot. Most men don't use those 'tricks' , well maybe some exercise or diet, but still, no comparison to women.

There is always somebody better looking than us or our partners so surely this isn't just a question about the best looking women and their choice of man. Why do any of us stay with our partners and have the best sex ever?

Tbh for me, I became sick of being the trophy girlfriend.

My OH now is the only guy I've ever dated who didn't mess me around and treated me with respect. People make comments and ask "how did you two meet?" (often without hiding the surprise in their voice!). Yes we are complete opposites - but he is loyal and dependable and ultimately that was more important to me than muscles!

I think "lifestyle" means more than money or income. It's also to do with the joint life you create together?

I'm fairly conventionally good looking

I've dated very conventionally good looking guys who were very nice as individual people - I don't agree good looking men are all bastards - and have been interested in a progressive relationship, but have one or some of:

• nightmare MIL/in-laws

• aren't taking care of themselves physically (it catches up in ones late 30's if one is a smoker/drinker/overeater)

• want kids (I don't)

• simply don't envisage the same life I want. Eg they like hosting and doing dinner parties and lots of "couply socialising", my idea of hell. Or their long term career plans will bugger mine up.

• have too submissive/passive personalities/bedroom styles: I fancy men to really take the lead in the bedroom, not have a "what would YOU like darling?" social style, I'm not Mummy.

I know older women who have picked their "dream LOOKING guy" but bought into a lifestyle which doesn't really let them grow into the woman they want to? One gets the impression looking at their man's handsome face isn't much consolation for the baggage that came with it.

So I'd say although I would consider a less good looking guy than whoever might externally be seen to be at "my level": it wouldn't be the "income", it would be more compatability.

There are attractive men with not-as-attractive women, too. I think the reasons for it probably vary.

In some cases it will undoubtedly be because power/money/lifestyle are powerful aphrodisiacs.

However, in many cases I believe it is genuinely because someone's personality, and the compatibility between two people's personalities, can make someone who is simply ordinary appear absolutely stunning to the other person. This only tends to work in situations where people take time to get to know each other or get to know each other as friends/colleagues beforehand, but I've seen it happen and it's happened to me.

Also, sexual attraction can be based on base-instinct chemical reactions, rather than higher-reasoning aesthetics.

Isn't looking beyond classically good-looking something you grow out of in your late teens??

The couple I know like this, the man is besotted with her, so she can twist him round her finger. And does. But I do think she loves him too. for now
Everyone says the same. But it is their business I guess. I can see them having lots of babies, because he will be the one left holding them. Not sure if he will get fed up of that.
It is a bit uncomfortable to watch, her manipulation of him. Not sure if he is going to wake up or not. Dont think they will split up though.
The more I think about it, the more ugh it is.

Isn't looking beyond classically good-looking something you grow out of in your late teens??

Brilliant post

Although it is a man in this case, we will have a King one day with a Queen who in most people's view is not classically good looking. Looks are only one thing that attracts.

Yeah, but you can hardly try and claim that he's drop dead gorgeous compared to her, can you?!!