Attractive women with not so attractive men??

[positively9something]

I have noticed that there seems to be a lot of attractive women married to not so attractive men. I'm not saying they are not lovely guys I'm guessing they probably are.

The reason I am mentioning this is because I had a date yesterday with a guy that was really nice and down to earth, looks wise he isn't my type. I normally go for big muscly guys, he is short and looks like he doesn't work out. He seems really nice and I'm just thinking that a lot of women go for the not so attractive type of guys.

I know that relationships are not based on looks and it must be about personality but

CUChullain

[shocked] Seriously, you're telling yourself some stunner is going to be swayed by a "graduate engineer in his 30's salary and a - no doubt heavily mortgaged - house? Don't you think you might be thinking a bit too highly of your professional and financial status?

There is this this phenomeon of fairly geeky men who think they "deserve" someone REALLY good looking, builds up a resentment against women, maybe you were part of them?

Funnily enough, none of the men I know who choose to date and socialise with professional peers, women from a comparable educational background actually have this complaint.

The "middle income" men I know who complain about gold diggers bring this problem on themselves.

They choose to date and be "friends" with women who aren't peers and in their social group, but the "hot" secretary or waitress or foreign student who is younger and way out of their league looks wise, and is a nice enough person, but isn't taking them seriously.

Then they whine when they were dumped how "that bitch was just after my money", because maybe they paid for two rounds of drinks and a Pizza Express meal. They are convinced the woman was "after" their semi in Milton Keynes, and they dodged a bullet: how utterly mediocre and tedious and not taking responsibility for ones own self.

Playing rugby means well....you played a sport, not that you're a hunk.

I agree women marry for money, as well as men, but they go for people with a decent income, not an Ok middle class one.

CuChallin I noticed a change in the attention I got when I lost a lot of weight 11/12 years ago.

And again recently for the same reason. Believe me its just as annoying.

LOL what a great conversation! It's very true though, see it all the time in my line of work (creator of sugardaddy.com).

Men are shallow, aesthetically-driven twerps motivated by material possessions and trophies.
Women are self-depreciating serfs who always set the bar too low.

I am of course, joking. But speaking from personal experience (I happen to be a fantastically good looking woman) I decided against choosing a mate based soley on good looks (these men always cheat) or huge wealth (for these men too, always cheat) and neither did I choose a troll of a man as a safe option (because it would be nice to enjoy sex). I went for a combination of looks, security and general all-round niceness, but the key thing here is ALWAYS GO AT LEAST 10 YEARS OLDER. They are much more likely to be grateful and less likely to spend a questionable evening with a stripper under the guise of a "lads night out".

P.s I'm not really an Internet mogul, or even god looking. If I was either of these things I'd be in the Bahamas with my 80yr old billionaire husband, not hanging around here talking to you lot).

And I have really fat thumbs - combine that with an iPhone and you've got yourself a typo frenzy.

Well some very interesting views here

RoiPolloi [shocked] Seriously, you're telling yourself some stunner is going to be swayed by a "graduate engineer in his 30's salary and a - no doubt heavily mortgaged - house? Don't you think you might be thinking a bit too highly of your professional and financial status?

Funnily enough, it was engineers I had in mind when I wrote my above post!

I think there are a lot of people on here thinking too highly of themselves. Just an observation.

It could be that some of these ugly.guys women find attractive have an impressive hidden attribute that the rest of us don't get to see.

I think a lot of it is that men don't have the same social pressures - they are only just discovering waxing and tanning for example.
Women however are expected to try to look like they are 30 when they are 50 and so generally make more effort to keep weight off, do hair, wear nice clothes, look after their teeth etc. Men are always told they get better with age, which frankly isn't always the case! I noticed the same thing yesterday in town as you OP which sparked me posting on another thread!

Maybe woman chose ugly men to make themselves look more beautiful? .

I don't think looks are important when looking for a partner but there does need to be some physical attraction. I was friends with a lovely man when I was younger, he was the kindest person I have met, was funny, had a good job and was just lovely, he longed to be in a relationship with me but I just couldn't as I just did not find him physically attractive at all and could not imagine sharing a bed with him ( which was a real shame as he would have made a lovely husband ). I'm not a fussy person but there does need to be some kind of physical attraction.

When I first saw dh I was physically attracted to him, that's what made me approach him, if he was really unattractive I probably wouldn't have even noticed him ( sounds awful ). I do think now I'm older and my priorities are different if I had to look for another man I would be looking for other qualities before looks ( would treat me well? Would he be good husband material? And of course, would he except my children? ) plus there needs to be a spark.

Interesting posts about gold digging. I have noticed this a lot with various groups of friends. Men seem to like showing off like peacocks with their flashy cars/holidays/wide screen tv's and choose women who wear designer clothes, weekly trips to beauticians and hairdressers, etc and then wonder why they have ended up 'high maintenance' women. It seems to come as part of the package they are buying into - personality not so important, but looking like a doll is high up on the list. I've always been low maintenance but realise very quickly I am not into the same things as these men, who seem to be actively advertising for a woman to spend their money every month! OP if you get on like good friends, that is far more important than looks IMO.

I've always found very good looking men (and women) unattractive and a bit scary. Knowing (which they usually do) that's you're very good looking seems to have an affect on a person's personality and rarely in a good way.

I find this a really interesting topic! I think many people tend to look at someone gorgeous and assume that they must be arrogant, or vain, or shallow, or in some other way a nasty person. And whilst that is sometimes the case, I think it's actually pretty.

You can often find people who are GORGEOUS, and genuinely have no idea how attractive they are - they would probably describe themselves as "average". This is especially the case if they went through a really awful phase in their teenage years (acne, or braces, or weight problems, etc). So they never grow up learning that they can just "rely" on their looks to get them anything. I think this especially seems to be the case with women, but with men too. So in these cases people just end up assessing their compatibility with someone based on personality and spark.

There's no point dating someone unless you are attracted to them, but that is a difficult thing to explain to someone else and goes deeper than just "I like her tiny waist" or "I love his abs".

There's point on being with someone PURELY for their looks - looks don't last very long!

This thread has taken me back to a wedding I went to years ago, the guests were largely old university aquaintances. Dp spent most of the day looking perplexed at the very good looking women coupled up with very average looking men.

I tried to explain to him that a) the men were Oxbridge graduates from wealthy families commencing lucrative careers and b) the women were well aware of that as they were also Oxbridge graduates from wealthy families but they probably had no desire to spend their lives working.
(Sad but true, very few continued working after marriage).

Agree that post is great.

When I read about women becoming more interested once the man had a career and a house I realised that was exactly how I felt.

However this was due to me having a career and a flat and wanting to date someone similar in income/aspirations to me. I had been out with a gold digging man, and had no interest in doing that again.

The country I used to live in is a sex tourism destination, and there are a LOT of couples comprising a beautiful, vivacious woman with an ugly, bigoted man. Most of these couples say they love each other.

It's a misogynistic world :(

ChuChillian, when I first started dating DH he was in his 30's with a bit of a unsuccessful patchy dating career, had bought a flat, had a bit of money behind him and was settled into his career. A few of his mates made noises about me being a golddigger. It came as a bit of a surprise to them when I pointed out that I actually earned more than him.

DH was desirable because he has a nice arse is a bloody nice bloke, if a little quiet at first. His willingness to be a SAHD was far, far more attractive than his bank account.

Pretty sure there is a thread on here where many MNers said that a Man's earning potential/wealth is attractive.

Hope that answers the question OP.

I never understand how ugly unkind rich men have the gall to criticise younger, beautiful not rich women as 'golddiggers'.

The truth about those kinds of relationships is often that he's buying and she's selling. Which puts them on a par at best morally, but more usually puts him far lower on any moral scale than her. And also means that by and large the man and the woman share some very important values where relationships are concerned (be calculating, it's just a sex-money-exchange, looks translate to financial/social worth, for women at least).

It takes a special kind of arsehole to complain about a woman accepting the cynical bargain he offered her.

Ha ha I remember when I was on an online match.com date, and the guy started complaining about how these "gold-diggers" had started crawling out of the woodwork since he put his salary on there...Not at me, but at "women in general".

I'm intrigued. As a gold-digger, what is one meant to spend £35-50k on these days? A trolley dash round the luxury section of Aldi? Every Saturday at Primark? Super-sizing every time one goes to Maccy D's?

Ps I earn more than that But I wouldn't dream of using it as a "lure" to invite some nubile young crumpet, and then throwing my teddies out of the pram for them not loving me for my BRILLIANT PERSONALITY

It takes a special kind of arsehole to complain about a woman accepting the cynical bargain he offered her.

This. Well put, Denzel.

Yes I've heard making posts on the internet denigrating upper middle earners and boasting about how much cash you bring in is the key to a brilliant personality.

As long as he has one of these Big penis, good looks and it a fat wallet.