Do you think saying "let's skip the lunch and just go to a hotel" is like cheating in a relationship?

[onezzz]

I started another thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2084550-What-do-you-think-is-cheating-when-married but took a while to get to my point and didn't really ask what I meant to properly.

My best friend basically accused me of being border line having an affair with a friend.

I hadn’t seen him for a while and we were arranging meeting for lunch and he text ‘let’s skip the lunch and just go to a hotel’ - that’s just what he’s like and we both know he is not serious at all. My friend saw this message and said it was out of order when he was married. She said with that and ‘everything else’ that he’s basically cheating on his wife with me. The ‘everything else’ is that she knows we email most days and chat on the phone a couple of times a week. We both work from home so it’s a bit of company for both of us but nothing more, nothing physical has ever happened, i’m not attracted to him and I rarely see him in person as he lives a couple of hours from me.

He is married, I live with my boyfriend, my boyfriend is aware of him and has never had a problem.

My friend has trust issues with her partner so I think a lot of it is because of that but I don’t know do you think the rest is ok?

OP if you want to keep up this friendship then please bear in mind this man doesn't respect you, his wife - or your DP. I say this because you keep on mentioning you can't believe he'd cheat on his wife; but, YOU have a partner! He does matter too, you know. Your "friend" would have shagged you then been able to look your DP in the face and say 'hi'.

You keep saying he wouldn't cheat on his wife, when you know he would shag you. This kind of game is not nice at all. Just wondering ho you'd feel if a female friend of your DPs blatantly offered to shag him, and he gave her the benefit of the doubt (!) & kept seeing her; then again, maybe you'd be cool with that...I don't know. You appear to need this friend very much, though..

The test of whether you can keep this friendship is whether you are happy to report that exchange to your OH and his wife.
I bet he wouldn't want his wife to know about it.
Have you told your OH?

msitress from the last post the OP made, she knows very well indeed nowthat he'd cheat on his wife.

Have to admit that while attraction can exist between two people and that it's not necessarily the end of the friendship, as long as neither of you cross the line - in this case, he's been so blatant and so cheat-y that I don't think there's any chance of the friendship surviving.

What a sleeze.I'm glad that your eyes have been opened.Don't feel too bad but let your friend know as she had him sussed from day 1.

Meerka - the last post says "I want to give him the benefit of the doubt"

Says it all really. Doesn't matter what you know in this life its what you do & accept

Just read through the thread but from the word go I had guessed your friend was testing the water.

I'm guessing his wife was unaware of the amount of time you've spent communicating and I very much doubt she was aware he was meeting up with you.

I think texting, emailing 'jokey' innuendos can inevitably lead down that slippery slope into an affair, which is exactly what your friend was hoping. There's something more intimate in communicating this way than say having a bit of banter in public.

I've been on the receiving end of a partners infidelity which started off in exactly this way.

No I haven't told my boyfriend what happened yet and haven't spoken to my friend anymore either. He's messaged me saying that he hopes i'm not pissed off about what he said and that he was just joking and doesn't expect anything from me but I know that's rubbish now.

bleh, it sucks when someone tries it on and you'd trusted them :/ bad luck, onezzz

sorry mistressDeeCee yeah, I saw it now you highlighted it, missed it the first time

OP, fair play to you to come back and update us.

It is far too late for your friend to pull back claiming it is a just a joke (BTW, that is what they all say, so he is a sad cliche). Maybe if he pulled back at your first no and your warning about your friend and others getting the wrong idea. But he kept going on and on. He is one determined prick.

I have had friends try it on whom I thought were friends and it survived the attempt because we were both single. In this case, you are both married and so it is slur on his character to betray his wife and a slur on your character that he thought you would betray your boyfriend. Yuk.

I'd imagine this guy does this all the time to a whole bunch of women. Remember that when he phones/texts/emails this week and tries to laugh it all off.