This seems to always happen in any group friendships that I've been in, in that one person takes the role of the needy friend, and as a result all of the sympathy and support from other members in the friendship group is effectively drained, and there is then no support for anyone else who may occasionally need it.
I am currently part of a group of 6 friends; we go out regularly for drinks and meals, and meet up during the day for lunches and for coffee. I like them all and feel that I am a good friend to each of them. However one group member, I'll call her Jane, is always very needy and moans a lot. She seems to always be having a hard time of one sort or another, and to be fair it is usually things that happen to most of us at some point or another, or just day to day things that she makes a bit of a drama out of. Nevertheless I am still supportive towards her. I should perhaps add too that maybe 50% of our meet up time is taken up by listening to her moaning.
At the weekend, I was added to a facebook group conversation by one of the group, saying that it would be nice to do a collection for Jane and get her some gift vouchers as she has had such a hard time lately. The others all agreed that absolutely they would chip in and yes, it would be lovely for poor Jane, so of course I agreed to donate too. However, on reflection, actually I have had a hard time in the past year too, and although all of the group know of what has happened to me, it actually dawned on me that I haven't had anywhere near the level of sympathy and support that this woman has had, and I'm sure that they don't refer to me as "Poor Stegasaurus", or even give my problems any thought once I've mentioned them.
In the past year I have:
Lost a much loved pet in horrible circumstances.
Lost a family member to cancer
Had to deal with a dengenerative illness in another family member
Had a lot of problems with my teenage DC
Ended up on antidepressants because of a bout of depression because of the above.
By comparison, I don't actually think that anything big has really happened to Jane in the past year or so. She moans regularly about lack of money, arguments with her DH, being tired etc, but there is no big issue as such, just lots of little moans.
I don't wish to be an emotional vampire to people, and I do make the effort to be upbeat and fun when we meet up, but a bit of acknowledgement would be nice about my struggle in the past year.
I guess I just feel that Jane gets all of the support and sympathy and therefore there is very little left for any other group members.
It also happens on an online group that I am on; one woman constantly posting about little moans, and it all revolves around her to the extent that there is no support left for anyone else. It doesn't bother me as much online though.
Has anyone got any thoughts on the above please? Is this just the way that group dynamics work?