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Original poster

Why do my parents behave like this??? So pissed off!!!

119 replies

Catflap1 · 18/05/2014 10:48

My parents don't like anyone! They dislike my sisters partners (to the extent that they don't even go to my sister houses and haven't for over 20 years) and they recently fell out with my other sister after my mum blew her top one day at my sisters husbsnd because they decided to relocate there young family to a different town, my mum didn't like this and told them exactly what she thought of her husband!

My parents have recently decided they don't like my boyfriend for reasons relating to my pregnancy and recent issues we have been having (his drinking/not supporting pregnancy etc at begining) now I know we are having issues and that's fine it's my oroblem/issues not theirs, my boyfriend had never ever done anything to effect my parents!

Few weeks back they told me they would not visit my house if he was here..... Fine I said but throwing your toys out your pram and acting childish is not going to end my relationship with him any sooner!

Today it was arranged that my dad would come over and help me with a day of DIY, I'm 5 months pregnant and have been painting/decorating like mad, he agreed to help me with bigger jobs like flooring, light fittings etc! Been out this week and brought everything, last night we were at a family party and they said they would be here at 8am this morning, I said that's fine but boyfriend is now not going to his golf weekend until 10am as the time has been changed! Dad then just said "well I'm not doing it then and ignored me for rest of the night!

I'm so upset and cross, I hate how everything is great and they will help you if you toe the line with whst they want but if you don't then your fucked!

So now I have a lounge full of lino flooring, skirting boards etc and I really can't afford a professional to come in, I live alone as a single parent on benefits!

I'm so so upset and don't know what to do, I have been working/saving really hard to get house sorted in time for the baby

OP posts:
ILoveCoreyHaim · 18/05/2014 11:53

So she can claim single parent benefits and have the father of her unborn DC stay over

He's not a guest is he

Viviennemary · 18/05/2014 11:54

It sounds like your parents have good reason not to like your boyfriend. How can you say your parents are childish when they have your welfare at heart and do not approve of him. I think you should be very grateful your Dad is doing the DIY and think yourself lucky you have such caring parents. It's time for a reality check I'm afraid.

Kickstarter · 18/05/2014 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 18/05/2014 12:00

And yeah it does piss me off when I have been told my DCS DF can not watch his kids at my house 2 nights per week while I'm on back shift as I will be committing benefit fraud.

AmberLeaf · 18/05/2014 12:18

Turning into a bit of a pile in.

OP, yes your boyfriend is an arse.

Your parents sound a bit shitty too and if you have grown up being treated like crap by them, it is not surprising that you have made bad boyfriend choices either. If your parents make you feel like you are 'not worthy' it affects your self esteem and can influence the way you let people treat you in relationships too.

The OPs boyfriend doesn't live with her, he isn't her childrens stepfather and makes no financial contribution to her household, she is not claiming fraudulently.

CocoM · 18/05/2014 12:32

He should be living with her though shouldn't he. She is pregnant with his child and he is getting all the benefits but none of the responsibility. That seems to be given to her parents.

We don't know that her parents have been crap to her. They may see things a lot different and want her to grow up and be responsible to herself and her children and not allow herself to be treated like this. They did the best they could given what they knew and now its up to her. Her parents now have the rest of their lives to enjoy themselves in what time they have left. They have done their parenting.

gamerchick · 18/05/2014 12:37

I don't like your boyfriend either just from what you wrote about him on that thread about him moving in with you but not wanting to pay. I take it you've sorted that out then or things have just gone back to normal?

Your bloke should be helping you but on the other hand my parents wouldn't offer to help and then just refuse but I can understand their frustration.. your boyfriend is a class A knob.. sorry.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 18/05/2014 12:40

I guess my advisor must be wrong then Amber. She categorically told me this is not allowed even though she knows we have been living apart for 6 years but are on good terms

HappyMummyOfOne · 18/05/2014 12:41

Exactly Coco. The OP has her point of view but the parents have their own viewpoint too. From theirs their daughter is not supporting herself or the four children she has chosen to have but expects others to do the work for her. Her partner just stays over to suit and takes no responsibility and the OP allows this. Perhaps they are hoping some tough love may make their child more responsible.

The boyfriend sounds awful but the OP doesn't come across well either.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 18/05/2014 12:42

She actually told me I shouldn't take the job as if he was caught at my house overnight or if I am reported and they start an investigation I am committing benefit fraud

He has to make his way home at 1 am instead of sleeping in my daughters room 2 nights a week

Original poster
Catflap1 · 18/05/2014 12:44

Jengnr thank you...... Yes I am allowed to have a house guest and a sex life like I said bf lives 40 miles away where his business is, we are not set up as a family, we do not live together!

For all those that say I'm selfish and entilted..... FUCK OFF I do work, I claim tax credits and a amount towards my housing benefit because I do not earn enough! I have raised my 3 children all by myself and and have done for 6 years and I do not get a penny in maintenace!

I'm independent and do all my own DIY, but yes by dad did say he would help me with some flooring and bigger electrical jobs today so I could get my kitchen finished... I spent all of yesterday up a ladder myself painting it!

I'm actually doing my own flooring now.... Because I have no choice so far I have moved my fridge freezer and washing machine out and only have the dishwasher to go.... Not a easy task to do alone when your 23 weeks pregnant but apprantly I'm acting entilted if I ask for help!

Yes my bf is a TWAT, COCKLODGER ETC I get that, but I haven't been slagging him off to my parents, of course I'm honest with then and told them when it became apprant he had a drink problem and was attending AA!

But my bf is my problem to deal with, and desl with it I will but I will do it in my own time and way!

Oh and just to make clear I didn't mess my parents around with regards to time, no time was arranged before hand I made it clear they were welcome to come at anytime but he would be here until 10am

OP posts:
Original poster
Catflap1 · 18/05/2014 12:46

Ilovecorey I would def check that out because I phoned and checked with my housing Ben department and they stated to me I'm allowed someone to stay a maximum of 3 nights per week but that person must have there own perminant address!!! Which is why I do not think I am doing anything wrong or cheating the system!

OP posts:
ILoveCoreyHaim · 18/05/2014 12:49

That's a myth I have already checked numerous times. You used to be able to do that maybe in the 90s now it's something like if you could be perceived or acting as a couple. The info's pretty sketchy tbh

ILoveCoreyHaim · 18/05/2014 12:51

This is from the jobcentre line parent advisor for my tax credits claim. Not sure about HB

Isetan · 18/05/2014 12:57

As per agreement, your dad was going to help you with DIY at a specific time so he could avoid your boyfriend. You broke that agreement by trying to change the terms. On this issue alone, you should have insisted that your boyfriend be gone by the 8 am. Why didn't you insist that your boyfriend stick to the original plan? Is keeping your mouth shut when your boyfriends presence really inconveniences you, part of your "Working through things" strategy?

You foolishly (given your family history) expected your dad to acquiesce, rather than confront the not very helpful boyfriend. You can not bitch about your partner in the bad times and expect your parents to develop amnesia when you decide it's getting better. In this instance, your dad is the focus of your misplaced anger. A house full of DIY materials is the monument to your failure to deal with the real source of your frustrations.

Original poster
Catflap1 · 18/05/2014 13:00

Few years ago before I went bavk to work and was on income support my EXH tried to say I was living with bf, I had a letter stating they they had been informed of this, I responded bavk telling them the truth that bf stays couple of nights a week, goiving his address and work details etc and told them they were welcome to drop by at anytime without a appointment to check this out as I had nothing to hide, I then got a letter saying they had checked out the info I provided and was happy I wanting doing snything wrong!

Bf does not have belongs etc at my house, and most def does not live with me

OP posts:
ILoveCoreyHaim · 18/05/2014 13:00

Maybe it's different as your DP is the father to an unborn DC whereas mine are being watched in their own home by their DP. So maybe it changes when your baby is born ? IDK but I know my friend said her DP who lives in London, we are in NE is not supposed to stay. Just going on what I have been told

ILoveCoreyHaim · 18/05/2014 13:07

This is the most recent info I can find from HMRC

Couples:
• Live in the same household most of the time, although one or both partners may also spend some time in another household or be absent, for example when working away.
• Have a stable relationship, although may still be considered a couple if they have frequent breakdowns in the relationship, have a “trial separation” or when there is a likelihood of reconciliation.
• Financially support each other, usually but not always, by pooling money or each taking responsibility to pay for particular household bills, for food or motor costs.
• If there are any dependent children, they share responsibility for looking after them.
• Act as a couple, such as socialising as a couple or family, and are treated as a couple by other people.

Ok sorry gone way off topic but if it's correct u could be in danger of loosing your income should anyone report you

ILoveCoreyHaim · 18/05/2014 13:10

This is what worries me as we do share looking after the kids

• If there are any dependent children, they share responsibility for looking after them.

It's so confusing

Waltermittythesequel · 18/05/2014 13:14

Yes my bf is a TWAT, COCKLODGER ETC I get that

So why is he your boyfriend?

Isetan · 18/05/2014 13:17

I have just seen your post about not agreeing times. However, it doesnt change the fact that you prioritised the presence of a not very helpful boyfriend, who himself has prioritised a golfing weekend during the only two days you have together, over much needed DIY. Let me guess your place just so happeneds to be a convenient launching point for his golfing jolly. Again, you can not be 'honest' about your boyfriends behaviour to your parents and expect them to develop amnesia when you choose to get past ignore his failings.

QuintessentiallyQS · 18/05/2014 13:21

So, your boyfriend is out golfing and your dad was going to spend his Sunday from 8 am decorating ? You and your boyfriend are seriously taking the piss. Why on earth was shagging your boyfriend this night more important than getting your house decorated when you knew what your parents think about this idiot you are procreating with?

Isetan · 18/05/2014 13:24

Given what people have posted about the authorities interpretations of fraud, your dad not laying your floors could be the least of your worries.

AmberLeaf · 18/05/2014 13:28

However, it doesnt change the fact that you prioritised the presence of a not very helpful boyfriend, who himself has prioritised a golfing weekend during the only two days you have together, over much needed DIY

No she didn't.

She is doing the DIY herself, as it was her father that threw a strop and refused to come to his daughters house either with her bf there for a coupe of hours, or, to arrive at 10am when he would have been gone.

The OP seems to be surrounded by pathetic me who care more about their own egos than her

She is working through in her own way and time, ending things with her boyfriend.

Why she is getting a pasting I do not know.

Bindibach · 18/05/2014 13:29

You have said that you and he are planning on moving in together soon on your other thread. If this is the case don't you think your bf should be doing all this for you. Seriously. You are feeling sorry for yourself having to move furniture around and do the work yourself and are cross with your parents because its all their fault. Yet this man who you have said is moving in with you does nothing to help you. Are you not angry at all that you bf did not offer to help you do all this painting and decorating etc. If he is moving in with you then surely this needs to be something he will help with not your parents.