A record to remind me that it is that bad and I need to leave asap

[inacompletepickle]

he bit my face-8 yrs ago
he uses his size to intimidate me- blocking my way but never hitting since he bit me
he name calls
he is financially abusive
he disregards my views/feeling
he has isolated me from family
he is controlling
he undermines me
he gaslights me
he uses the fact I suffered a horendous childhood where I was abused as a threat to get custody of my kids
he is a bully
he is a manipulator and a liar
he blames me for everything
he questions me-ive taken too long to wash a cup, I shouldnt have used the pedestrian crossing, I cant make toast
he makes me feel like I cant do anything
he tells me im the abuser
this is a reminder to give me the hope and strength to leave

Thanks Unreal, that is what I meant to say but it got a bit lost in waffle..
I was trying to express that OP has lots of reasons to be classed as suffering DV.
I really hope she has made progress in getting free.

well I wish I could post a positive update but I cant. ive failed at leaving and bk to square 1.

I attempted to make him leave 3 times over the weekend. on the last attempt id planned to leg it to a refuge if there was space. he read my behaviour like a book. he knew I was nearly out.

He has attended a counselling appointment through work. nothing will change him.

I know im only going to get out if I just? leg it when hes out. thats the only way. I am strong when hes away but a wreck when hes near me.

please dont tell me off or make me feel worse. I already feel like a failure. I am still going to leave its just harder than I thought.

Love, on average a woman will make 8 attempts to leave, before she gets away.

You will get free.

It IS hard to break free of the hold these abusers have. If it were easy there wouldn't be cases of people in dv relationships for years.

Stay safe, stay focussed.

just tried to ring 2 different helplines both ringing out. I only have a small amount of time to make calls in privacy. im panicking cos when if I cant get through for advice how am I gona get help on the day I leg it.

I will keep trying. in the bk of my head I feel a fraud cos hes being nice now.

Try after 9am, they probably haven't opened yet.

What you are going through is domestic violence, it IS a police matter and they should support you. Have you got everything in order?

Of course he's being nice now. You keep being nice back so he doesn't cotton on.

Hey Pickle try speaking to your housing officer. It is very likely that your local council will have a DV coordinator who they can put you in touch with. Can also help you with a transfer if needed.
Keep strong

You're not a failure. If you had only had one piano lesson but did not immediately become a world renowned concert pianist, would you be a failure? No! Of course not.

What you're doing is hard. Keep your cards close to your chest, lean on the people you trust. If work know, would they be able to help you with regard to making private calls? Maybe they could let you shut yourself away somewhere during a break or a slow time so you can try to get through then?

I dont want to tell work too much. I am using any opportunity to ring. I came into work early to make calls.

I did have leave booked but cancelled it. If I didnt go into work he would find out and that would interfere with my plans. hes checking up on me so I need to be careful.

I need to bide my time. I thought about housing officer but worried about whether that would get bk to my partner.

At the moment he thinks cos hes started counselling everythings ok now. I know in reality he wont change.

pickle, you will never be back to square one! You have seen too much too clearly, seen what your mission is (to get out) and have way too much need for freedom to ever call yourself a failure. Are you listening? Your moment is coming ... seize it when it shows ...

Been away for a while and come back to this as it was on my "watch" list. I really hope the OP found the support she needed to get out.

I hope so too ...