A record to remind me that it is that bad and I need to leave asap

[inacompletepickle]

he bit my face-8 yrs ago
he uses his size to intimidate me- blocking my way but never hitting since he bit me
he name calls
he is financially abusive
he disregards my views/feeling
he has isolated me from family
he is controlling
he undermines me
he gaslights me
he uses the fact I suffered a horendous childhood where I was abused as a threat to get custody of my kids
he is a bully
he is a manipulator and a liar
he blames me for everything
he questions me-ive taken too long to wash a cup, I shouldnt have used the pedestrian crossing, I cant make toast
he makes me feel like I cant do anything
he tells me im the abuser
this is a reminder to give me the hope and strength to leave

i think its the realisation that if he wants to call childrens services then he can. they would see me for what i am-a mum who loves her children. im the person who meets their needs.its awful that he uses these tactics, its like a lightbulb has gone on. im keeping posting to make sure i dont allow him to be forgiven. i have put up with this abuse for so long and made the same mistakes as my own mum-hes like my dad- but now i have to make sure my own children are protected otherwise the cycle of abuse would continue

You're absolutely right OP, your children will be affected greatly by how they see their mother being treated.

And I think you're being very brave.

I wish you every luck and happiness for the future.

i feel different than other times when ive wanted to leave but not been able to go through with it. i feel like my eyes are fully open and i can see him for what he is. last night he was horrible to me emotionally and i just went upstairs to get some peace. soon my whole house will be peaceful. i will be able to decorate the house, have cushions, get rid of all his mess/things, i will be able to use my kitchen without being bullied, i will get a dishwasher and be free

and i can do any internet shopping and not be frightened to write more than 7 things on a shopping list(thats the limit for what he gets) and mop whenever i want rather than when hes out(he tells me i mop too much)

Just wanted to say you sound amazing.

Stay strong. Your dc will be so proud of you.

Take care. Keep posting. X

Well done op you're amazing. Please be careful. Can you tell your sister what's going on?

Sending you strength. You can do this. You need and must do this, for you and your beautiful dcs.

just tried to ring womens aid 3 times but its ringing and saying they cant take my call as its busy. im worried about the call on the bill as he gets the breakdown for my mobile and the landline.

hes out for a while.

my sister has talked with me about leaving at length but doesnt know ive made a decision to end relationship. my best friend also knows ive been looking into leaving. they want me to leave

Hi OP,

I just checked on the women's aid website, this is what it said:

Will the number show up on my phone bill?The Helpline number will not show up on BT landline phone bills. If you have another service provider you will need to check with their customer services team.

Is it free from a mobile?
Unfortunately calls are not free from any mobile but the Helpline is a freephone number from any landline or public telephone. Calls to the Helpline made on Orange, Virgin and 3 networks do not show up on your phone bill. Other networks are also working towards this, but you will need to check with their customer services team if you are concerned'

Hope this helps

Keep trying...

You will get through.

thank you for the info. im going to try again sunday night. i will intercept any paper phone bills that arrive until he leaves.
ive told my sister. shes told me her and her husband can come to help me at anytime. i will try to ring womans aid whenever i get the opportunity. a huge weight of my shoulders

well done OP you sound brilliant. SS get nonsense reports all the time, they will see what a good mother you are, for getting your DC out of this situation.

I found womens aid never answered but if you leave a message they get back to you quickly. Good lluck

Strength to you xx

Another one sending strength behind your wings- fly free. When i escaped my abusive ex, it was like i had been seeing the world in black and white and all of a sudden i could see in colour. xx

not posted as its been hectic so far. the morning he went away he said to me -you want me to leave and your staying angry at me. made me feel chilled-a poster said they know when your leaving them.
its been a lovely couple of days as hes away with work. the kids have been so well behaved.

So what's the plan now he's gone? How are you going to make this lovely couple of days a permanent thing? Good luck

still trying to get through to womens aid. going to ring at night, see if i can get through then. checked out finances and i would be ok. i would qualify for a lot of help. think citizens advice would help. i feel overwhelmed and panicked regarding getting him out the house. i know i can do it, i know i have to do it. so many thoughts and fears running through my head

It is scary - any big change is, especially when you're having to act like a secret agent! It helps, I think, to remember you're doing this for YOU and your children. Your life is your own, even though somebody else has tried to take it over. You're taking it back :)

I'm glad you're keeping this record, it will remind you how much better life is with just DC and no fuckwit. Well done on checking your entitlements! Now he's away, can you leave a ringback message with WA? You'll need to de-activate your voicemail, or change the PIN, in case he checks.

thank you for all the posts and support. my kids have been asking for their dad but thats cos they are used to him being here. i dont know if its my head but they already seem calmer. the house is tidier and calmer. just wondering if i can take some more time off work. i need to focus on my children and get them through this. i know they are resilient but i want to do everything i can to help them.

Do you think everything feels calmer because you feel calmer, because you've made a firm decision IYSWIM? It's a good place to be once you know what you're going to do. Hope you've managed to get through to WA. How long do you have until he comes back?

i honestly think its cos hes not around. theres been no shouting or tears. things have been so calm. the kids behaviour seems better. im only asking them things once rather than several times. these changes spur me on

i honestly think its cos hes not around. theres been no shouting or tears. things have been so calm. the kids behaviour seems better. im only asking them things once rather than several times. these changes spur me on

:)