A record to remind me that it is that bad and I need to leave asap

[inacompletepickle]

he bit my face-8 yrs ago
he uses his size to intimidate me- blocking my way but never hitting since he bit me
he name calls
he is financially abusive
he disregards my views/feeling
he has isolated me from family
he is controlling
he undermines me
he gaslights me
he uses the fact I suffered a horendous childhood where I was abused as a threat to get custody of my kids
he is a bully
he is a manipulator and a liar
he blames me for everything
he questions me-ive taken too long to wash a cup, I shouldnt have used the pedestrian crossing, I cant make toast
he makes me feel like I cant do anything
he tells me im the abuser
this is a reminder to give me the hope and strength to leave

.

Are you ok pickle? I've just seen your last post - hope you're ok
We're hear if you need to talk

here

yes im ok. i couldnt find my thread on threads im on. im ok. i havent got rid of him yet, not got things in place yet. need to speak to my boss about time off work. i dont know whether to get signed off. i have appointments booked in and i let people down if i am off but if i dont leave soon i might never get away and more importantly i will have let my kids down. i want the kids to be ok and free of him.

still cant get through to womens aid. going in to work early to try again tomorrow. im desperately trying to get out from this relationship. i got out before but this time i wont go back. hes got me questioning myself so i think maybe this is normal but deep down i know its not.

sorry a jumbled mess but i am putting the wheels in motion

I hope you find the strength to leave him. You need to think of yourself and your DCs.
What happened when he went away? Did he not go?

Does he have any idea of what you are thinking re leaving? Definitely take time off work and get yourself sorted. Try speaking to your council - maybe they can move you.

I'm probably not being very helpful right now and hoping that someone with more experience will come along soon. I needed to see that you were ok after your previous post

he went away for a work thing and then we were all away as a family for something we couldnt get out of. before he went away for work he said i was staying angry as i wanted him to leave. it was like he read my mind.

womens aid tomorrow again. i need there help. i told him to leave tonight but he wont go. he thinks i dont mean it but i want him out.

maybe tmí but last night i think he took advantage of me. i was in a deep sleep and woke with him massaging me. i think i told him no sex but i cant be sure as i was v sleepy and not with it. we had sex. i dont know if i was awake enough to consent really.

Oo mine used to try it on when I was asleep. Its sexual abuse. Keep trying WA but for me they just referred me onto a local support organization. Might be worth googling that to see if you can cut out the middle man? For me it was the local refuge which had support services even if you weren't using the refuge.

Ring the police on 101 and ask for the DV unit. Talk it through with them.

Call CAB too, they will help you with benefits and things. Keep trying WA.

Photocopy bank statements and pay slips and any other financial information there is (pensions etc) . Hide the children's passports, probably at work somewhere, rather tha n in the house.

You are strong. Your life and your children's lives will be great!

yes I will try local services. today im going to talk to my boss. yes I may let people down but by leaving him I am protecting my kids.

I lived a life in constant fear as a child and I have made those same mistakes. im so ashamed of that.
when hes left for work I am packing birth certificates etc and ive stashed money from a refund. I have birthday money and im going to hide my bankcard from him.

please keep hand holding. I am trying to break away but he has such a hold on me. I know I can do this. my kids are too precious to stay with this man

www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk
Try this number as well as women's aid.

thinking of you pickle. yy to sorting out and copying important papers and keeping a bag at work.

Hoping that you get through to WA today. Once you have broken free, they will continue to support you, and you can, for example, take their freedom programme, and learn to break this cycle, so that you can make sure that this never happens again.

You are being amazingly strong here. I am concerned, however, that your h is reading this thread. Could he have checked MN and guessed that it's you? If he is reading, however, he will simply see that you are a decent person, who loves her children and who is not planning on living any more with someone who has treated her in this way.

Thinking of you.

What he said about you leaving, you said he read your mind - these men will live in constant fear of their victim leaving, it's like a spiral of control. The harder they control you the more they fear you are more likely to leave.

Try to anticipate what he will be like when you tell him. He may be angry and dangerous, he may also try to negotiate and sound reasonable, he may try to minimise what you say hand call it nonsense and belittle you and he may use clever tactics to try to please you for a while.

But whatever happens his world of, dominating, bullying and controlling you will come to an end and there will be a big reaction. Make sure you are safe. Don't worry about the house, really. Being safe and having backup is more important than your house.

And get yourself a new phone or sim, borrow one from sis if you can.

I dont think he would be able to find me on here. I have checked hes not been on mumsnet on his phone. I am struggling to pretend everythings normal to him when I feel like some secret agent. I do realise I have to be like this because we are vulnerable right now.

I feel sick with the thought of getting him out. I never realised how scared I am of him. I never realised how much he uses his physical size to scare me. he literally pushes me out the way and im only just realising that is violence

Good idea about a new phone. I will get a cheap one.

I was focused on keeping the house but our safety is the priority. house and belongings mean nothing.

Of course you are scared, the strongest women can get caught up in their tricks. You need help, make those calls.

What you said about the children being better behaved when he is away.

I've been left 2 weeks now. Even the dogs are better behaved, never mind the children.

Dd1 is still messy but not as cheeky or sulky. Asking her to help no longer causes a monumental strop.

Dd2 is very tidy. She makes sure her friends all hang their coats up and put their coats away when they visit. Unfortunately she is still very noisy.

The dogs are now both fully house trained and no longer beg guests for food. We had a baby waddling about waving toast all over the place a few days ago, neither dog batted an eyelid.

The house feels so much more peaceful, even when it is filled to the brim with extra children, in fact I am much more tolerent of children noise now.

We all had hot chocolate and marshmallows last night. Dd2 spilt her hot chocolate. No one screamed, no one called. anyone any nasty names. A lovely moment was not ruined over a bit of spilt milk.

Dd2 finally has the pet rats she has begged for for months if not years. I have never seen either child so happy and relaxed.

Don't give up OP. It will change your life in ways you can't even see yet. I found CAB to be a great source of help. They'll know of local organisations who can help you.

Can you see if your sister can help you get the practical things sorted out?

When are you going to make those calls?

Tell them you are scared, tell them he controls your money and threatens to take the children off you, all those things will give them a clear picture of the seriousness of your case.

The tenancy is in both your names, they may give you a new home, but you may be able to get it put into your name. But as you say it's not actually the most important thing.

its good to know that im not imagining the improvements to the calmness and childrens behaviour. things always escalate when hes around. he shouts alot.

I wont give up.

I dont know if my sister will be much help. she offered to travel to mine but she has a young baby and would complicate matters in reality.

I have a friend who could help.

waiting for childcare then I can make the calls once im at work. in privacy. will be back later, thank you

Fingers crossed that you get through and get some support and help.
If you have a friend who you trust and who can help, then get her support as well.
Your friends will want to help you.

Keep trying, love. Don't give up. You can do it. Glad you have some rl support.

Oh! Clear your history, and untick the 'keep me logged in' box on the MN login page. If you can check his phone, then he can check whatever you're using to get internet.

Good luck pickle.

Get sis to buy you a phone. He will def check yours. She will want to help.