Really confused about feelings toward new relationship

[pinkladybirdpurse]

I am in the midst of a bit of a whirlwind romance with a guy I met a month ago.

We met on a night out (rare for me as I am a single mum to a young DD) and hit it off straight away - great chemistry, instant attraction, loads in common etc. We have spent a lot of time together, pretty much all our spare time - he will often come over to mine after work and spend weekends together. He has already met my DD, he is great with her.

The thing is, he is very full on. He is very charming, has already told me he loves me, wants a family with me, has even bought a car seat for me DD so we can go on trips together in his car (I don't drive), starting leaving things at my house like toothbrushes, toiletries (he did this within a few days). I do really like him but don't think that I could honestly say that I love him as it is too soon but feel pressure when he tells me he loves me. I also don't really believe him when he says he loves me as he doesn't know me that well in the time we have known each other.

I took part in quite a big sporting event just over a week ago - it took a lot out of me, I was exhausted. He wanted me to go out and meet his friends later that evening and I explained I was too shattered and said that I would prefer just to spend the night alone at my home. He got very upset, accusing me of blowing hot and cold and implied that I should make more effort to meet his friends. I remember him suggesting the evening out with his friends and I said then that I would have to play it by ear as I didn't know how I would feel after my event but he worded it on the day as though it was definitely going ahead. Also immediately after the event when we got to his all I wanted to do was collapse and relax but he asked me to help him with clearing up around the kitchen. I was a bit put out by this. Its not like it is my kitchen or my mess. Another occasion I explained I have a long standing plan to meet up with a friend on a Sunday in a few weeks time (this was arranged before I met him) and he said why would I want to meet with my friend when we should spend time together.

I feel really in two heads about this. I do really like him, he is really nice (sometimes I think he might be too nice, too good to be true) and am waiting for the "but" to appear. But I have also been burnt lots of times and am second guessing myself - am I just self destructing and pushing away a really nice guy... I have told him repeatedly that I want to take things slower but he still keeps coming out with these lines about how much he wants me etc.

I suppose I am worried about making the wrong decision either way, either that I dump him and he turns out to have been a great partner or stay with him and he turns into a control freak.

Thanks for reading and any advice would be greatly received!

I feel very, very, very sorry for your child. She has no choice but to live with a parent so desperate for a man she willingly brings an abusive one into the home within five minutes of meting him. And keeps him there.

You're a fool. That's all.

Bloody hell, what are you thinking?

He said that he felt that I was pushing him away and that it was too soon in a relationship for me to be behaving like this.

But the way he's behaving is just fine is it? He won't improve. And if you stay with him and subject your child to this, then yes, you are a fool.

Ah op - you're thinking you can just talk to him, get him to realise that he's a bit intense, get him to cool off a bit, then he will be a lovely dp and all will be well.
And it may be. Maybe he is just jumping in with both feet because he is so head over heels in love with you - who doesn't like being desired?
As a op said , try cooling it yourself for a bit. You'll get your answer then.

InspirationFailed. Thanks for giving the OP about controlling partners and their tendency to "leave stuff behind". They do do that so as to get a foot back in the door if necessary.
OP, listen to these wise women. I was under the impression that my nutter of an ex did a 180 on me, when in fact, red flags, exactly like yours were there from the beginning.
Now I'm getting calls from his next girlfriend, who after being with him realises (like you) that he is controlling. She doesn't even know where he lives when he isn't around hers three nights a week.
For all this she has to put up with (and has enabled).

1. Her six year old daughter having a go at him!
2. She thinking that she has everything under control because she tells him to go outside and come back in with a better attitude, if he carries on. 3)He gets vexed if she gets "uncomfortable" with his need to give her a goodbye peck on the lips every time he departs from her.
3. He's full of face ache when he is around her house when she has her family/friends around. He sits in the kitchen.
4. She's had a lady come up to her out of nowhere saying "I know you, but you don't know who I am." When she told him , all he asked was "who is she?" (Like he doesn't know that he is dipping his opportunistic Cocky in random women) 6)He cries and "lets the tears fall", as if him letting the tears fall means that he loves her more than anybody else he has loved. He will put up with you as long as you put up with him. I don't know if you are a "warboat" like me (meaning that you are comfortable with being "aggressive", if need be). I had to use that part of my personality to run him away from me. I knew this wasn't going to be a "we can be civil/friends situation." That is why you need to get out now, before he turns your brain into catfood. You do not appease people like this. I have a cousin who was with the first father of her children for fourteen years. He controlled her from day one. He also ended up having three other families all within a mile of where she lives, such was her appeasement. She also tried to play him at his own game when the cheating started. To say that she is jaded (and strangely anti-woman) is an understatement. Pack his shit, put it at your gate, call him to take his shit and don't darken your door again. It's not that women pick wrong'uns that's the problem. Is that we can spend too much time invested in them. Set an example for you child. You should still be in the hot sex/research stage, not this Kramer v Kramer paradigm!

• "Thanks for giving the Op the Heads up about controlling partners". Sorry about part of that sentence. Battery running low on my keyboard.