Dear STBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Thank you for trying to save me costs of divorce by selecting a solicitor for me and by covering their costs, you are doing me a favour, I know.

Thank you for being fair by offering to take only 40% of the assets in my name to enable a quick resolution to the end of the marriage, which is what you want.

Of course, I realise that the assets in your name aren't mine because you are the man. Sorry you are THE MAN. I do keep getting things wrong, so I perfectly understand that you want a divorce.

All the same, thank you for offering me a speedy divorce by asking me to agree that we have been separated for two years so that I can move on with my life. Okay, we both know it's less than two weeks in actualment since you walked. I remain in shock but I'm so grateful that you have my best interests at heart during this difficult time.

So, Soon To Be Ex-Husband, thank you.

Because you are a twat and I'm so much better off without you.

Dear MrConfusedNC,

You know when you moan. She rolls her eyes.

It ain't your great sex that's causing that.

Stop being thinking with your dick and sort out your divorce the quickest and cheapest way you can. That way you might have some money left over to pay your bills, children's maintenance and beer to drown your self-pity in.

Just mind them law things. They really cost if you ignore them.

Yours, WWK.

You okay Confused? Bearing up?

I'm surprisingly not too bad today thanks. First day I haven't cried since day 1 which is few weeks ago now. Choked it back once or twice on phone but no actual big fat sobs.

I'm in hyper, sort shit out mode. I can do crisis mode. I'm great in a crisis ( though not my own usually). I will likely have a come down from all this activity and crash. Seems to be my m.o.

How are you today? Done anything about a holiday?

I haven't had one since 2012 when we took our baby son to self catering cottage and I skivvied away in a nicer location than usual while stbxh did his usual fuck all to help.

Tears come and go I'm afraid. I was amazingly efficient in the early days and now I'm just bored and yet the housework gets postponed...

Still trying to get my life sold off. He's frozen all the assets now and as the car's gone poof in a big way the holiday plans are going to have to be reconsidered...

Had decided on a driving holiday around Ireland! I'm going to look into hiring a car to do this rather than take my own.

Seeing solicitor on Weds so will try to work out dates with her as obviously we're gearing up for more fuckwittery in the coming weeks....

Tears back today. Mourning a man who doesn't exist.

That's almost the hardest part confused, the loss of something that might never have been 'real' to begin with. I know I felt a combination of sad, foolish, angry, deceived, confused, & relieved. No wonder someone gets so exhausted and empty-feeling! So many emotions running through us how can we keep up with them?

I have to admit I chuckled at your self-catering holiday reference. Yep, same ol' shit in a different location for the woman! We RV and it was the same way until I put a stop to it & now we divide the chores up (and eat out more).

Re holidays: we had those holidays from 2004 (when DD was 8 weeks old) until 2009. Then I complained. Following that we stayed in hotels where DS, DD and I shared a sofa bed and Toad slept in the double bed. We still did self catering: I had to prepare food in the hotel bathroom and handwash his pants in the same sink. (Sorry WWK I could not help myself).

Upside: No tears over here

Hope this has cheered you all up.

Karen.. Wind in the willows takes on a new form. Any of you ladies fancy a Madrid ci

... Shit on the iPad .. City break .. Let me know!

Hang on....so the Toads idea of making it a better holiday was to spend less in order to have less facilities and still expect the same level of service from his unpaid maid?

On what planet is that an improvement? For either of you?!

I cant get my head around that level of fuckwittery :o

Sorry, to spend MORE to have less.

I complained about having to do cooking, cleaning while he was snoring by the pool drinking, in the holiday villa, so he reckoned it was an improvement to stay in hotels where most of that did not apply.

As he was not "made of money" (when it came to spending on the family) we booked so called family rooms that usually had two double beds or one double bed and one sofa bed etc. BUT no cleaning and no cooking. When he did not want to fork out for breakfast, we made our own, which is sort of almost acceptable, if slightly embarrassing, but making salads in a hotel bathroom was definitely crossing the line for me. As was hand washing his underpants in the bathroom sink, as of course hotel rooms are not equipped with washing machines.

My options were: Luxury villa in the middle of nowhere or a small room in a luxury hotel.

The main thing was to spend as much as possible on booze and expensive restaurants to go to dinner late in the evening with cranky and tired children dressed up in their best mini Boden. DD simply went to sleep on many occasions.

The beach was strictly not an option, as we could get sand into the Toadsmobile.

So you see, ladies, I am not crying. I stopped crying ten years ago.

Ohhh Karen. The toad sure was a catch.

Yes, this "prince" turned into a frog Toad

I'm thinking I might start a new thread to remind ourselves of what we're not missing and cheer each other up. Without spoiling wwk thread. How about 'twatty things I don't miss about my ex...'?

Why why why would you hand wash his smalls?

Dear STBXH,

Exciting developments!!

You've got yourself another solicitor woo-hoo! We are all delighted!

Except I exaggerate.

On the up, it means they get the benefit of you streams of consciousness now, not me and mine. The legal assistant at my SHL's firm is thrilled by this news - she describes you as 'very changeable', which, dare I say I interpreted as 'somewhat unhinged'.

On the down - they don't do technology. Have you read their blog? 'Hello this is our first post' and they even signed up with twitter and tweeted - "can't wait to start tweeting once we've got the hang of it"

It's taking them years...or they've lost the passwords because that's all that's there.

Enlightening stuff, don't you think?

On the up, Your solicitor has actually written to us, in a letter sent in an envelope with a proper postage stamp. Something none of your other solicitors have managed to do, even with the convenience of email, so it bodes well. They have capability of communication so we shall say they are a vast improvement.

On the down, it merely states that they are aware of the divorce and substantial communication to date. Would we exchange Form E early?

Form E exchange via the courts is due next week and it took them a week to post their letter.

As I said, they don't do technology - they've insisted that my SHL communicates by Royal Mail. By the time we've agreed, by letter, and you've sent your Form E, by post, and then exchanged them we'll have missed the deadline set by the court.

I don't freaking think so sunshine.

On the up, they want shot of you as quickly as possible, what with them being fixed fee and all. This bodes well to us drilling down into a settlement and getting the divorce over and done with.

On the down, they are a fixed fee largely criminal law firm that do wills and probate on the side, and a smidgeon of Family Law.

I fear you may sack them again. Or, erm, are you killing two birds with one stone and I don't yet know something...

So not exactly exciting developments, more just 'interesting times'.

Or should that be desperate times?

Wife, getting closer ending her emails with an 'x'.

As in XWife.

I'm picturing the Acorn Antiques of the Law world. Oh dear.

Chin up WWK, KOKO. Glad you joined in on twatty thread!

I did not know there was such a thing as a fixed fee family lawyer?

May be it will make life easier dealing with a professional rather than with him directly? (They may be embarrassed to write too much bt)?

I suspect, like a lot of his decision-making, it'll be a case of 'buy cheap, buy twice'.

Something that annoys me greatly about him (should have put it on Confused's 'Twatty Thread'!) is this impetuousness!

He's not poor, he's just shit at making good decisions (mind you, this may not reflect well on myself as his wife - but then he did sack me, so...perhaps not...)

He's trying to circumvent commonsense by working out that good solicitor's are worth their salt, it may cost you 5K-20K to fight it out, but you'll save 6K - 21K+ more by hiring them.

And he's already wracked up 3K in legal fees without actually having the benefit of a lawyer!

He can easily afford a good one, ffs! If I can, because of the amount of asset we have, then he can with actually having an income!

But he's opted for a 'fixed fee' and them getting the money without worrying about the outcome. I think 'fixed fees' have their place when you largely agree on how to split up assets and you don't wish to behave like a dickhead, and you use them to advise and type up the paperwork correctly etc. In that case, they are fab and cheap for the price because they know the correct wording etc.

But when you're proactively trying avoid co-operating with your own divorce, which he wants, seems utterly bonkers.

I can only think I have missed something obvious...

My SHL did say before the last hearing that no decent lawyer would take him on now - too much damage to undo. And that was before the last hearing!

Perhaps there's yet another sea-change...

Like someone else said up thread WWK, you've been making him look good & now he's ditched you he is revealed in all his glory, except it's not very glorious is it?

Gotta love the "penny wise pound foolish" variety of twunts.

ExH, after weeks of my begging (because I'd been given a potentially career-changing project), finally got a computer, used but still cost hundreds. Then cavilled buying a $10 surge protector strip. In a part of the world with loads of nasty thunderstorms.

A few weeks after I left him and his stupid computer guess what meteorological karma happened? G'wan, guess...

i should imagine they'll regret taking him on too if they usually just have to exchange a couple of letters and draw up some paperwork for their fixed fee. wonder who will sack who first?

WWK it is reassuring that in spite of everything you still do not live in a static caravan and the children and I are still in the family home.

Pedant, I bet he hadn't paid out for any thing to back it up to, either?