Dear STBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Thank you for trying to save me costs of divorce by selecting a solicitor for me and by covering their costs, you are doing me a favour, I know.

Thank you for being fair by offering to take only 40% of the assets in my name to enable a quick resolution to the end of the marriage, which is what you want.

Of course, I realise that the assets in your name aren't mine because you are the man. Sorry you are THE MAN. I do keep getting things wrong, so I perfectly understand that you want a divorce.

All the same, thank you for offering me a speedy divorce by asking me to agree that we have been separated for two years so that I can move on with my life. Okay, we both know it's less than two weeks in actualment since you walked. I remain in shock but I'm so grateful that you have my best interests at heart during this difficult time.

So, Soon To Be Ex-Husband, thank you.

Because you are a twat and I'm so much better off without you.

That's flipping hysterical.

Dear STBXH,

Please can I live in a hotel? Pretty please? I would quite like fresh sheets on my bed whenever I requested it, and someone to make my coffee on demand. To not have to manage paying endless bills, just a monthly one on my card.

I promise to go away and be meek and mild elsewhere, disband with my SHL and never breathe a word of you again.

The Ritz should do it.

Thanks

Wife.

I am glad we can cheer each other up with these anecdotes.

Cameraderie on Mumsnet has kept me going.

Seriously, Karen? In a hotel? Since December? or rather [twat]!

i suppose if you got it cheap enough and were careful with what you ate it could work out cheaper than an apartment.

my brain is now ticking away with the idea of living in hotels after my son leaves home no council tax, no fuel bills, no housework, i would need wireless internet obviously and a kettle - you can make a surprising variety of meals with a kettle and a sandwich toaster.... hmmm.

I probably shouldn't say this but my STBXH lives in a serviced apartment - everything is paid for, taken care of, arranged - it's standard for his career. Anything that isn't taken care of by his company, he has a financial advisor for, and anything else he had a wife for.

...so him telling me how his wife, dumped in rented accommodation, can cut her outgoings is vair hilair.

And that, your honour, is why I am an expert on learned helplessness! I've been learning a lot about that...

Just as an aside - if you are elderly it is cheaper to go on a world cruise than move into a care home. The food, medical care and entertainment is miles better too.

I can believe that living in a hotel would be at least similar to running a house if you had no dependents.

Margaret Thatcher died in the Ritz, did she not? She'd been living there for years had she not?

Hmmmmm I'm looking at his decree that I should give up my tenancy. Perhaps he's not as daft as I thought.

Hmmmm....

I remember reading about a couple who pertty much moved into either a motel room or travelodge room or something like that.

They had been there for that long, the owners decided to give them the room on a permanent basis for their loyal custom.

It makes sense doing something like that if you think about it.

He lives in a serviced apartment but expects you to relocate to a static caravan

Yes Pickled - your face was identical to my solicitor's when she read that...

At the time, I was just shit-scared and devastated so I looked like this = .

This divorce is not about me 'taking him to the cleaners' and leaving him in the gutter - this divorce is me preventing him taking me to the cleaners and living me in the gutter.

Thankfully, I am learning not to be shit-scared and devastated.

'living = leaving'.

And I wish I could have seen the judge's face when STBXH told him what he earned that month, whilst at the same time justifying why I needed so little.

How he maintained his professionalism, I don't know. But here's a recreation from the scene from my SHL's office.

SHL =
SHB =
WWK =

Yes, Jux and all, he has been living in a hotel since the 10th December, but "only" a four star hotel, not a five star hotel, as there are no five star hotels in our town.

He is claiming poverty. His line is that he cannot afford to rent. He is spending £££s on meals out every evening, of course.

Plus he has to have his laundry done by the office cleaning lady who is his new girlfriend but she cannot cook someone too.

He has stated that he has consumed our entire wine collection too. So I imagine him angrily sitting in his hotel room, getting drunk and plotting what he can do next to harass me.

Why are you even astonished? It is Toad we are talking about.

Oh and WWK Toad can trump your ex: Until he got told that he had no chance, he intended to remove his children from the family home to be able to move back in with his new GF.

Well, I wanted a toad to live in my garden to eat the slugs. On reflection, I think you may have offered me the right one after all.

C'mon Karen,

You're pushing the pity boundary now, surely that's a reasonable expectation that he should retain the family home...?

Your children are just diddy people, how many needs do they really have?

Toad is soooooo much bigger, so his needs are soooooo much more important.

No?

The law is an ass! Are words I'm not saying.

Jux he is not eating any "foreign muck" - how many more times does he have to say that?

WWK of course, this is what his solicitor said: Toad "suffers" from morbid obesity , plus alcoholism and as a consequence of this he also suffers from Diabetes etc etc and he apparently had to occupy the family home. What about the children? Shrugs. DS cannot go into a women's refuge? Shrugs.

All his illnesses have been reiterated in his firm E1. Omg he must have been so pleased that he could finally list all his illnesses. I was surprised that he did not require an extra sheet.

Obviously the ignorant t* put "none where he was asked about the children's health conditions. DD has a health condition.

He complained that he was referred to as a "perpetrator" and "abuser" by WA. It upset him. I bet it did not upset him half as much as it upset me when he threw me down the stairs and on the stone floor. Or when he hit DS. But he has done nothing wrong.

Dear STBXHs,

G'won, you can tell us where you find out all this medical shit from and how you are able to self-diagnose, without so much as stepping inside medical school, and conclude your health needs are so superior to that of others?

You know if you're super fit, like International Rugby players, you 'suffer' from obesity even though you play sport every day of the week?

It's that same lifestyle that gives you your "heart problems".

Its the same 'heart problem' that very obese people have: your heart is above-averagey muscley (expert medical term obvs) because the heart is working sooo hard.

It is not lifethreatening.

And how come when we get sick, we're ignored? Is going off and screwing someone else a miraculous medical cure that would have got us over our 'colds' quicker?

We have 'heart problems' too but divorce cures them.

Yours,

Wives, the real ailments of your life.

(I suspect Karen, your Toad could give us a wealth of divorcing STBXH letters! - have a go at writing a few...).

surely one doesn't 'suffer' from morbid obesity - surely one just IS morbidly obese. you suffer from a medical condition, so morbid obesity may cause you to end up suffering from other conditions but in itself it's not an illness it's a figure on a scale that needs addressing with lifestyle changes. apologies if toad does actually have some condition that forces him to be morbidly obese but for most it really is a case of going on a diet, taking up some exercise and not drinking your body weight in wine every night no?

lol i love the concept of 'suffering' fatness - instead of berating myself for having put on some extra pounds over a lazy overly indulgent winter in future i shall feel sorry for myself and my suffering.

He is just being pathetic, but he did produce a GP's letter and amongst confirming that due to his morbid obesity etc Toad could easily suffer from the same ahem "condition" as the OP's STBEXP regarding the functionality of certain body parts and could therefore not be accused of certain activities.

Yeah, he suffers obesity, alcoholism, and so on.

I got accused of not being "a drinker".

At least here we can laugh about it. In the courthouse we can't, unfortunately.

This was the Travelodge couple - www.telegraph.co.uk/news/features/3634095/Travelodge-My-home-sweet-home-on-the-A1.html - 12 years in one, then 10 in another. That was in 2007, don't know if they are still there. They had a room named after them, but weren't actually given it. news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lincolnshire/6988927.stm

"accused of not being a drinker" - Just when you think you have heard it all, this little gem pops up.

....so he has the body shape of a toad?

Positively, yes.

So WWK how are your holiday plans going?

Hello kindred wives of bstbxh (esp well)

Today my husband made me laugh for first time in a long long time. Actual out loud proper laugh. Apparently he's upset about the £1000 bill he's racked up with his solicitor in just a month since he decided to sack me. (nicking well's phrase.) He seemed a bit stressed and for some reason he thinks it's my fault for not releasing some funds so he can divorce me.

Apparently if I don't give him the money, it will mean he won't give me money to pay bills on our house which he's living in and won't leave (needs money to leave).

I have precisely no income, camping in spare room at parents with our child.