Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Husband says he doesn't love me anymore

509 replies

MissPennySweet · 10/05/2014 09:22

Three weeks ago my husband turned round out of nowhere and told me he didn't love me in a romantic way anymore (in the middle of an argument). This quite frankly knocked me for shit and ashamedly I asked him to stay and promised we could work on things (with a lot of tears). He agreed to stay and despite going back to relatively normal I can't shake the feeling that he's only with me out of pity. He's since said he does love me but he's stressed with work, but now I feel like an utter fool for staying with someone who doesn't feel the same about me.

Should I leave or do you think it was a momentary blip and he really does love me - he is usually an extremely loving and attentive man and I've never had any doubts before! We don't have DC.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 10/05/2014 21:34

Do you mean title deeds or is it rented?

Minion100 · 10/05/2014 21:35

I am so, so, so sorry Penny

Original poster
MissPennySweet · 10/05/2014 21:36

Deeds. I own it outright (due to inheritance), it's only worth 80k but fuck he will be entitled to half won't he?

OP posts:
Back2Two · 10/05/2014 21:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

LEMmingaround · 10/05/2014 21:38

Yes, change the locks, make him leave - tonight - can you forward the emails to him? tell him not to botehr coming home.

Kewcumber · 10/05/2014 21:39

You need to talk to a lawyer, I recall when my mum got divorced her lawyer asked specifically if she had inherited any money and what money she had brought into the marriage. Particularly given you haven't been married long I think you have a good chance of keeping the house.

But you really need to consult a lawyer asap.

I'm so sorry it must be a real shock.

VanderElsken · 10/05/2014 21:39

Don't worry about that right now. You mean just because you're married?

Think about where YOU would rather be right now. Do you want to be being cared for by friends or relatives, getting on with a new life and freedom somewhere else? In which case, I'd seriously consider just packing up the important documents and leaving for a hotel then making plans from there to travel home. Don't even bother confronting, just print off the emails and leave them there. You will feel so good and in control.

If you want to be in your house with your stuff and him gone, then pack up his stuff and insist he get out when he gets home. You have every right. He's the one who has down wrong not you.

NearTheWindymill · 10/05/2014 21:40

Get proper legal advice first thing Monday. He might be entitled to a bit if he's made some contributions; not as much as half.

LEMmingaround · 10/05/2014 21:40

first thing monday - go to a solicitor about the house. Don't leave the house. Can you call your parents, they might be able to come down? friends? i wish i could come and keep you company and get rat arsed with you, then we could clobber the fucker when he comes home. What a skunk

Back2Two · 10/05/2014 21:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

LEMmingaround · 10/05/2014 21:42

She probably still lives with her parents, chuck the fucker out - let him take his dirty little secret to the travelodge!

VanderElsken · 10/05/2014 21:42

Don't get drawn into an argument about it. You already know the truth and what you want to do. If you are staying there, just keep saying he has to leave over and over. Don't let him manipulate you. Be strong and decisive.

LEMmingaround · 10/05/2014 21:43

try posting a thread in legal there may be someone who can advise you re the house.

Only1scoop · 10/05/2014 21:43

No hopefully he won't be but get legal advice ASAP....

I know how hurt and angry you must feel.... but you have your evidence and I would avoid even engaging with him regarding his vile behaviour.

If the twunt has an ounce of dignity he will foxtrot Oscar tonite.

What a scumbag Hmm

ohldoneedtogetagrip · 10/05/2014 21:43

I would forward that 1 email to him and add that his stuff is in binbags on the doorstep. He is no longer welcome in your house.
Keep keys in door and get locks changes asap.
Not sure if it is legal or not but will show him he has thrown it all away.

LBZT · 10/05/2014 21:43

Can I suggest that you call an emergency locksmith out to change the locks for you tonight, should be done in an hour and then he cannot gain access.

Original poster
MissPennySweet · 10/05/2014 21:44

I want to stay in the house, this is MY house and I do not want him lounging around here after what he's done.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissPennySweet · 10/05/2014 21:44

I will phone my mum and ask her to drive up tomorrow.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 10/05/2014 21:44

Then you ask him calmly to leave.

VanderElsken · 10/05/2014 21:45

Great. Then if I were you I would pack up some things for him and leave them on the doorstep, tell him not to bother coming home. Do not engage from that point. Good for you with your mum, that's a brilliant idea, you deserve some RL support.

TheSlagOfSnacks · 10/05/2014 21:46

Woah, just read the whole thing. Started off thinking 'OW' and was so sorry to read that I was right.

Glad the house is in your name. Did you buy it outright with your inheritance? Or put all the deposit down? How long have you owned it? He doesn't necessarily get half at all - it depends on what he's put into it.

What a vile twat.

Still, the positives:

  1. you don't have children together
  1. the house is in your name so you can ask him to leave
  1. you are only 27. It might not feel like it but you are VERY young still and have YEARS and YEARS ahead of you to build a career and start another relationship (if that's what you want - relationships aren't the be all and end all.)
  1. you don't have to spend your life with a lying cock
  1. the 18 year old will dump him - if not immediately, then eventually. That I can absolutely guarantee you.

There's a lot of good advice here already about building your self confidence and self esteem by carving out your own life and interests. Please do take this advice. As PP have said, this could very well be the making of you.

I predict you'll look back on this time in a few years and breathe a massive sigh of relief.

Psycobabble · 10/05/2014 21:48

People can and often do fall put of love and I certainly wouldn't like to think someone stayed with me out of pity! If tell him if that's how he feels you clearly have no future and ask him to leave ! Should shock him into making his mind up if nothing else!!

Coconutty · 10/05/2014 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Psycobabble · 10/05/2014 21:51

Just read the update damn what a prick kick his ass out it's your house! Leave them to it!

Minion100 · 10/05/2014 21:54

OP, I know you might think you don't have friends locally, but is there someone you know a little bit? you'd be surprised out how helpful people can be in a crisis.

Whatever you do -DO NOT leave your own house. Keep those emails. Send them to yourself and also to someone else as a backup.

Don't let him back into the house tonight. I would avoid face to face contact because in your delicate state you might be so weak that he talks you around. It is better to text him now that you found the messages and that he is not welcome back in your home. Maybe pack him a case and leave it outside the door.

I am sorry, but he is an utter and complete bastard.

Swipe left for the next trending thread