Husband says he doesn't love me anymore

[MissPennySweet]

Three weeks ago my husband turned round out of nowhere and told me he didn't love me in a romantic way anymore (in the middle of an argument). This quite frankly knocked me for shit and ashamedly I asked him to stay and promised we could work on things (with a lot of tears). He agreed to stay and despite going back to relatively normal I can't shake the feeling that he's only with me out of pity. He's since said he does love me but he's stressed with work, but now I feel like an utter fool for staying with someone who doesn't feel the same about me.

Should I leave or do you think it was a momentary blip and he really does love me - he is usually an extremely loving and attentive man and I've never had any doubts before! We don't have DC.

[LEMmingaround]

oh OP i am so sorry how old is your DH? what a revolting specimen he is. Well you know, she is going to get bored with him soon enough - but that wont matter because you will have moved on.

[MissPennySweet]

I've discovered emails to her on his work laptop. I am distraught

[MissPennySweet]

H is 30 this year.

[NearTheWindymill]

Oh Lord. Are you OK? That's hard to handle but you are 27 and there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just go. Don't run after him; men are like buses. Another one will be along soon enough.

[NearTheWindymill]

There's no point to being distraught. Pack your bags and get back to your family for a few days.

[Only1scoop]

Op so sorry to hear that your suspicions are confirmed....does he know you know yet?

So sorry

[MissPennySweet]

Fuck, what the fuck have I done. I gave up my career to move with this man.

[MissPennySweet]

He is out with his friends and he doesn't know I know. How the hell do I confront him? I feel like I will scream and break down.

[VanderElsken]

I'm so sorry, Penny. What a predicktable.

At least now you know. Breathe. You are the one who is empowered now. you know the truth. Have you told him you know? We can advise you here how to handle this. You'll be okay, I promise. Unfortunately, this sort of shit is common among entitled secretive types like your DH.

Time to start getting your life back. You sound young. Don't worry, you'll be okay. Start getting angry.

[ohldoneedtogetagrip]

For a start copy and forward all emails to your own account before he can delete them.. If needed change your password

[Donki]

So sorry Penny.
Take it 10 minutes at a time.

What do you need to do to look after you?

[VanderElsken]

You\re 27. You have not given up your career. Unless you're a ballerina you can get back in there. And you should. You'll be on an adrenaline high now. You will come crashing down in about 24 hours and possibly consider staying with him / not even confronting him / repressing it. DON'T. Hold on to this. This is true. The rest is fear.

You need to use this anger and clarity you feel, and take strength from us and confront him when he comes in. You could text or call him and tell him to come directly home. But DO NOT tell him you know over phone/text. Take screen caps of offending emails or email them to yourself. Keep your proof close, just for you own sanity and peace of mind. Confront him coldly and calmly as you can and remember what you know to be true. Also remember he has not told you this, you had to find it out. He has treated you terribly, and been a fucking coward along with it. He will deny at first.

Decide what you want to do alone or with friends or here with us. Not with him. He is not your partner right now. He is someone with an agenda who has been hurting you. His interests are not yours.

You can get your life back, I promise. And to be honest, it sounds like you will have a better life without him.

[Minime85]

only just come to this thread. I am so sorry penny . is there anyone in RL u can call?

[Minime85]

I agree get evidence of the emails and take it in very short steps. try not to think beyond an hour or too and in the coming days just day to day. u will get through this.

[VanderElsken]

Do NOT ask him what he wants. Decide what YOU want as a result of what you know and how he has behaved. Then tell him. If you give him the power of you even asking that he will know you are considering taking him back. Considering what you have found that would make you seem even more disempowered than you have become already in this relationship.

[MissPennySweet]

Right I'm going to forward all emails to myself. I want to get everything in order before I confront him so he can't worm his way out. Is there anything else I need to do?

I'm trying to be strong so I don't crack

[MissPennySweet]

There is no way I will stay with him now. Absolutely no fucking way. I cannot live with a man who lies to me.

[NearTheWindymill]

You don't confront him; you book yourself into a Premier Inn and put it behind you.

OP when I was about 27 I was engaged; had let my house, had a left a job to organise my wedding. Came back after a weekend away sorting out building works at HIS house and only came back because builders cancelled a Monday mornning meeting. Got back, best friend's car outside house, put keys in door and knew. Went up to bedroom and they were there. Threw her shoes out of bedroom window and scraped the side of his car on the way out.

Had to stay with friends for a while. Only ever went back to collect my things and when he was at work. Put the keys through the letter box. in the space of a weekend I became: homeless, jobless, partnerless and best friendless.

I gave up men forever. Had a new job within a month, had my house back within a month within three.

Umm about 8-9 months after that I went to a ball and met a man and was introduced and I thought "I shall marry you". That was about 27 years ago. We have been married for 24 this summer.

Best thing that ever happened to me was realising I was with a cad and leaving. Just do it OP. You have the rest of your life ahead of you and very little of it behind you.

[LEMmingaround]

Get evidence - can you go to your parents? Do you own the home together? You know that 18 yo is going to kick him to the kerb when she gets bored don't you? shes still a child, its all a novelty to her - he is going to end up with so many regrets. You on the other hand have had a lucky escape, at least you didn't have children with the wankbadger

[MissPennySweet]

The emails are vile, mostly about how I'm a boring old fart with no self respect and marrying me was the worst mistake of his life. How she's "ten years younger but gives ten times better head" and there's more. I feel sick

[Only1scoop]

Yes fwd the emails to yourself. Get copies of all your financial stuff....do you own your property in common etc? Anything in joint names....

Sorry to sound so mercenary but it helps if you are one step ahead. The emotional stuff is so hard if you have all your admin in order it helps.

[VanderElsken]

That's great, Penny. You seem decided and that's half the battle. Then all you need is to do it. I don't know anything about your DH, but make sure you know where your basics are (passport, documents) etc in case you want to leave in a hurry. Get in touch with people who care about you to say you might need their help in the near future. People are often surprisingly supportive in times like these and want to offer help and accommodation and resources.

[MissPennySweet]

Parents are 200 miles away but the house is in my name only. Does that mean I can chuck him out?

[VanderElsken]

I'm so sorry about those emails. What a mega cunt.
On the positive side he's made it much easier for you to get on with the rest of your life. Go for it.

[VanderElsken]

You can absolutely chuck him out. What about the mortgage? If it's in both your names you will be legally required to pay the whole thing if he stops or refuses.