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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband says he doesn't love me anymore

509 replies

MissPennySweet · 10/05/2014 09:22

Three weeks ago my husband turned round out of nowhere and told me he didn't love me in a romantic way anymore (in the middle of an argument). This quite frankly knocked me for shit and ashamedly I asked him to stay and promised we could work on things (with a lot of tears). He agreed to stay and despite going back to relatively normal I can't shake the feeling that he's only with me out of pity. He's since said he does love me but he's stressed with work, but now I feel like an utter fool for staying with someone who doesn't feel the same about me.

Should I leave or do you think it was a momentary blip and he really does love me - he is usually an extremely loving and attentive man and I've never had any doubts before! We don't have DC.

OP posts:
Minion100 · 14/05/2014 10:29

^ that was great advice!

Only1scoop · 14/05/2014 10:38

Op you sound like a savvy lady....you got those locks changed before he could even try to get his key out if his pocket.

No matter what you decide to do Op do this please....

Arm yourself with sound legal factual advice. You will be in a far more powerful position.

He has been squirrelling his money away from you in the most disturbing manner. Please protect yourself and make sure he doesn't attempt to get a huge slice of yours.

LiberalLibertine · 14/05/2014 10:48

Hi penny so glad you're back, and that you've told your mum.

He's unbelievable isn't he?

The way he spoke about you to his 18 year old fuck buddy was disgusting.

Him having a secret bank account shows you what a selfish bastard he really is.

I hope you get some legal advice soon.

Of course you miss the bloke you thought you were married to, but he's not that bloke anymore, I'm so sorry, but please don't put yourself through any unnecessary pain just to let him 'talk' you owe him nothing.

Naicecuppatea · 14/05/2014 10:57

Agree with Liberal and most of these lovely replies to seek legal advice, protect yourself, and get this man out of your life before he can cause any more hurt and damage, which is seems he is quite capable of. I am so sorry for you. I hope things will start to look more positive soon.

Only1scoop · 14/05/2014 11:00

Penny I second what Min says....please don't feel you can't come back if you decide to meet up with him etc....

Will be thinking of you Thanks

Original poster
MissPennySweet · 14/05/2014 13:46

Fucks sake, he's now informed me that the condom split when we had sex last Thursday and is demanding I take a pregnancy test. He never told me at the time so now in absolutely shitting it I could be pregnant with that bastards baby. Oh god :(

OP posts:
Original poster
MissPennySweet · 14/05/2014 13:47

I have no way of knowing whether he's just saying it to manipulate me though.

OP posts:
LiberalLibertine · 14/05/2014 13:51

What?! Tell him to go get fucked, for now anyway, last Thursday, would a pg test even show so early?

I can't imagine why he's saying this, if it's true why on earth wouldn't he tell you at the time? And if it's not, why would he say it?

Only1scoop · 14/05/2014 13:54

I think you may be right there. Maybe he is trying to get a reaction. Highly unlikely you would be anyway. Maybe he thinks if he throws this in you will keep talking to him.

I'm so relieved to hear he was using condoms although if one did split hmmmm....best to get checked out at some point health wise.

Sorry if I sound so clinical but you do not want any further worries down the line....

Where is he staying Penny do you know? Did you get to see your mum?

I know we all keep banging on about it but please get some legal clarification on things if you havn't already.

Thinking of you.

LavenderGreen14 · 14/05/2014 14:29

If he is telling the truth, and I very much doubt he is, a test won't give an accurate result for another week to 10 days. I am sure he is just using this as another part of his own arsenal of twattery against you - disengage and ignore.

unobtanium · 14/05/2014 14:39

Hi Penny, so glad you're still with us. Right behind you whatever you do, and sending you strong thoughts.

He does sound like a useless nonentity though, doesn't he?

Longtalljosie · 14/05/2014 14:51

You could get a coil fitted although you'd need to move fast...

Original poster
MissPennySweet · 14/05/2014 15:10

I am 90% sure what he's saying is bollocks because wouldn't he have told me at the time?! Now it's got me speaking to him again because I want to know if he's telling the truth so guess I'm playing right into his hands.....

OP posts:
Naicecuppatea · 14/05/2014 15:36

Don't play into his hands - don't talk to him! Just get yourself checked out. What a total twit.

BlondePieceOffFluff · 14/05/2014 15:55

How does last Thursday even fit into your cycle? There are only a few days per cycle, around 14 days before your period starts, that you can even get pregnant. This is of course no reliable method for contraception, but if Thursday was far from these days you can probably relax regarding pregnancy. Get hold of some pregnancy-tests. And, you probably should get an STI-check up as well.
And, good chance he is lying. Why did he not say anything at the time if it is true?

Minion100 · 14/05/2014 16:07

Agere with Lavender on the perfect term for this *arsenal of twattery".

How low can he go...after giving you all this to think about he adds this on top. He sounds like he's got some pretty serious personality problems. Odious man Penny.

DeMaz · 14/05/2014 16:16

Penny, what an utter shit he is!!

Don't keep talking to this imbecile!!! Just tell him you will take a test when you're good and ready and leave it at that.

Dick!!

Jux · 14/05/2014 17:33

It's natural to want to kow whether he's telling the truth or not, but it doesn't matter. Do a test next week or the week after. If you are then he's telling the truth (but didn't at the time) so he's a lying cowardly thief who shags teenagers and who doesn't tell his wife important things like about a condom splitting at the time at which it splits; and if you're not, well he's still a heap of shit, a lying cowardly thief who shags teenagers. So no matter what, he just is a lying cowardly thief who shags teenagers.

Don't worry about pg right now. Believe it or ot, the most important thing right now is to get your head around the fact that he is untrustworthy and unworthy of you in pretty well every way. Whatever happens in the near future, he will continue to lie, cheat, steal, hoodwink, evade, and generally short change you in every aspect of your life.

I am so sorry he's such a twunt. You deserve better, so much better. Thanks

OneStepForwardTwoBack · 14/05/2014 17:50

I really try not to write on these threads, but please don't go back to him. I gasped when you wrote your discovery on here, you poor thing. Most blokes are not tuned in to when your period is due, so just lie and tell him you already came on today. That should keep him off your back. You are very young and you can get away from this. Keep chatting to all the women on here supporting you, so that you don't go back and end up going back. I think you will feel ten times lonelier with him, than without.

VanderElsken · 14/05/2014 18:00

Penny, you can see what he's doing. It's abhorrent. Look how obvious he's being. He is causing you severe emotional pain by lying to you about something important in order to get to see you while you are vulnerable and manipulate you. This is just astounding. You are MUCH better off without this man. He is awful.

The next stage with someone like this is that he will get very angry when you refuse to see him and he realizes he cannot manipulate you anymore. Expect this. It's the equivalent of a sort of temper tantrum a child might have.

He might then even try and make you feel guilty by faking some sort of emergency of his own (illness/loved one being ill). If these don't work he will probably try and run into you somewhere, possibly even with another woman to try and hurt you / make you jealous.

He is a terrible person.

VanderElsken · 14/05/2014 18:01

Yes, Penny, this is exactly why he has said it, to get you speaking to him again.

Please only communicate over email about the house. Block him from your phone (easy with iPhones)

Please find a real life friend who can be with you through this. He is being so transparent. YOU DON'T OWE HIM ANYTHING> HE CHEATED on YOU.

magoria · 14/05/2014 18:12

Don't talk to him. It doesn't make any difference.

If the condom didn't split then you don't need to worry.

If the condom split you are either pregnant or not pregnant. Communicating with him will not change that. You won't know for another few weeks so communicating with him gains you nothing.

As with many others I think this is just his next tactic to get you to communicate with him.

As he has been shagging around (and you don't know this is the only time) then condom or no condom you should go and get a full sweep of STI checks anyway. Condoms do not protect 100%.

If you want to meet him or not that is your choice and your call. You do not have to agree to anything. Even if you do you can change your mind and tell him after you have walked away and emotions have subsided. Best is to have a stock answer to him of things such as I cannot answer that right now I will go away and think about it/check with my solicitor 9(t doesn't matter if you don't have one yet).

Original poster
MissPennySweet · 14/05/2014 18:16

Thursday was about 5 days after I came off my period. Trying to ignore him for now but it's driving me mad now I'm worried I might be pregnant

OP posts:
Original poster
MissPennySweet · 14/05/2014 18:18

Have appointment with solicitor tomorrow so I'm trying to gather evidence of the secret bank account.

OP posts:
VanderElsken · 14/05/2014 18:19

What a manipulative cunt.

I'm so sorry for your anxiety.

It's incredibly unlikely, Penny. I really would try not to worry. Chalk all of these feelings as MORE negative ones he has forced onto you for his own pleasure.

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