Husband says he doesn't love me anymore

[MissPennySweet]

Three weeks ago my husband turned round out of nowhere and told me he didn't love me in a romantic way anymore (in the middle of an argument). This quite frankly knocked me for shit and ashamedly I asked him to stay and promised we could work on things (with a lot of tears). He agreed to stay and despite going back to relatively normal I can't shake the feeling that he's only with me out of pity. He's since said he does love me but he's stressed with work, but now I feel like an utter fool for staying with someone who doesn't feel the same about me.

Should I leave or do you think it was a momentary blip and he really does love me - he is usually an extremely loving and attentive man and I've never had any doubts before! We don't have DC.

I thought your mum was coming to see you too? I hope you get some sleep. Take care

I thought your mum was coming to see you too? I hope you get some sleep. Take care

I thought your mum was coming to see you too? I hope you get some sleep. Take care

Oh penny are you alright? I'm sure if you told your mum what is going on she would be there for you.

Have you spoke to your 'H'?

I'm worried about you now :(

Penny YOU have nothing to be ashamed of.
Tell your mum - or do you have old friends you could phone?

Getting drunk is understandable - but remember alcohol is a depressant, and a world in ruins (which I know it feels like) is not improved by a hangover!??
Look after yourself.

Just a thought on not talking to your rl support. None of this situation is your doing. It is not your actions that have caused it. You need support but are embarrassed. Your husband is the one who won't want people to know. This is his embarrassing secret not yours. Keeping it as a secret is helping him not you and will eat up your peace of mind as well as the fall out from the rest of his behaviour. The only time I'd hesitate is if there is a possibility of moving on together after.

I understand that desire to go and get rat arsed when your world has just fallen apart and is no longer recognisable. I felt like that when my dad died (ages ago).

Please get some rl support. How do you describe your relationship with your mum? Is she normally pretty supportive, do you trust her? If so, then tell her. She will want to be there for you, to love you, to look after you, to help you in any way she can.

You could also call the Samaritans if you need to talk. They are great, any time. That's what they're there for, and their raison d'etre is to listen to you no matter what state you are in. Offload to them, they'll be sympathetic and kind, like a virtual hug.

vander where are you? I'm happy to come and drink with you. I'm also 27 if that helps?

You are doing so well. You really are. Please call your mom and tell her what has happened. You need to know why she didn't turn up as well.

Stay strong, we're all here for you

Not Vander, I meant Penny.

Vander has given some great advice

Morning penny how's the head?!

I hope your alright this morning, let us know if you can x

Hi Penny
Just checking in to see how you are.
Hope your head isn't too bad this morning

Hi Penny...thinking about you and worried about you being alone through this. Have you told anyone in RL?

Your marriage wasn't beautiful. You were the beautiful part of it. He was the selfish, lying part

Vander spoke some very wise words there...

It is important to grieve, you have lost something that up until the discovery of the affair, for you was a beatiful marriage. Allow yourself to grieve that you have lost this, but do not allow the grieving to lull you into denial of the real situation.
Be strong, look after yourself, and as many have said above find someone to talk to in RL. People are so amazingly supportive, you will be surprised at the amount of support you will get.
Also, you have done nothing to be ashamed of, this did not happen because of who you are or because of something you have done. This happened because of who/what he is.

I really hope you are OK Penny.

I've been there, like so many on here, and we are all telling you that it will get better.

I was 15 years into my marriage. Nearly 41 years old.
My life is fine now. I have a partner who is lovely and cares for me deeply. I really found myself and it was truly liberating.

But for now, you need to take it one step at a time.
I used to sit curled up in a ball for hours on end crying.

They never seem to dry up in the early days. Let them out and cry as much as you like.

I also kept my husbands dirty little secret for a while.
I really wish I hadn't. It was the time I needed the most help and support. That is probably my biggest regret.
When I did tell them it was like a weight was lifted. They were so wonderful and supportive.
Do NOT let him dictate who you can and can't tell.
HE did this. HE lied. HE cheated. YOU did NOTHING WRONG!!!
Share this and feel the burden lift and get that love and support you so need and deserve.

As others have said. Try to eat and drink.

Sugary tea and orange juice ice-lollies were my saviours.

So get your family and friends around to look after you. They really will want to. Mine were very upset that I hadn't gone to them first.
If my DD was suffering like you are I would be devastated if she didn't want my love and support. That's what I'm here for.

You will get through this - we promise!

Penny, I am so sorry. Something a bit like this happened to me, but it was with my SISTER.

I tell you, once I was able to talk to people (and it did take absolute AGES, more's the pity), it was so liberating and helpful. I said to myself, why tell anyone when there's absolutely nothing they can do to help me, and I can hardly get the words out anyway.

Once I had opened those floodgates, I could hardly stop talking about it -- it almost became a weird compulsion. But that's how much it helped. Obviously, choose carefully whom you confide in.

I am so sorry for you, I can feel that pain of mine from ages ago, but really, it was such a godsend what happened: it freed me from that slimeball.

I really hope you are okay and you can update us soon. Take care xxx

Oh god, you poor thing. I think your dealing with it amazingly well in your circumstances, finding out there's an OW, let alone one so young would be awful but no matter what you think, you are doing incredibly well. I can only echo what others have said, carry on posting and if you need to PM i'm also about a fair bit, I'm your age and moved a long way to be with my DP (am in the south east) so know the loneliness feeling.

Delurking to urge you to tell friends and family what has happened.

Posters on my recent thread did so and I refused at first.

Telling my friends and especially my parents was a huge relief and they were so supportive.

Hoping you are looking after yourself?

Am concerned about the OP. I totally understand getting pissed. She is in bits. But she so needs some rl help.

I wonder if the H has been back and is grovelling.

Please op, do come back and let us know how you're doing. There are many of us here who have been through this and will hold your hand every step of the way.

Hope you are ok Op

The short content shared by the OP of his emails is vile. To be cheated upon must be bad enough but to be discussed by your partner in such a crude and degrading way - unforgivable. I really feel for you OP - let us know that you are o.k.

Also checking in as I feel worried about the OP and bet he has been back to bother her. Re-iterating Penny...if you tell us where you are I am sure one of us can provide you with a RL shoulder to cry on. I'd also be happy to talk to you by phone or Skype if you send me a PM.

Yes, I'm concerned now too.

penny if you've got what you needed from this thread, don't worry about us being offended!

Just write a one line reply to put our minds at rest x x

Hope OP is ok.

Penny, in previous nights, you have come on here very late - hoping you are OK?

Just make sure you talk to someone and let it all out.